WHeRe !s EveRyB0Dy?
As a child I would have reoccurring dreams of being left alone. Throughout the dream I'd find myself in empty towns, cities, and houses where the occupants had left moments prior to my arrival. I'd find half-smoked cigarettes, microwaves counting down the last few seconds of a reheated dinner and backyard swings that remained in motion as the occupant jumped off and sprinted towards the distance. If I were quick enough, I would often catch a glimpse of people running away towards the horizon as I peered out the vacant window of the house or around the corner of the city street. Often I'd attempt to run after them and catch up with their mad sprint but my efforts to reach out to them were always in vain. The strangers, friends, or whomever the dream cast them to be were always beyond just beyond my reach in the silhouette of the horizon. The faster I'd run and call out to them, the faster they would take off and collectively decide to ignore my pleas.
As an adult I find those feelings of abandonment and loneliness bubbling to the surface in my daily decisions and feelings. The thought of isolation terrifies me, and anything that remotely resembles the notion of friends, family and even strangers, drifting off into their own metaphorical horizons brings forth a sense of overwhelming panic. The feeling and fear is so overwhelming that it carries its own pull. Sometimes we are slaves that which we fear, and hate most, and it's no different than with the feeling of abandonment. The strange part is, as much as I want to avoid it, I find myself clinging to and making decision in favor of isolation time and time again - like clockwork. I'm not sure if it's fear the drives me to those decisions, or the notion that by attempting to avoid something so fiercely the action backfires and draws you closer and closer to that which you're trying to avoid. It seems simple enough: if you don’t want to be alone then don't make decisions that lead to that conclusion; however, there is always a “but” and “I can't” and “things aren't working out” that leads to the underlying decisions that result in being alone.
[UnFinisheD]
The reoccurring dreams I would have were most similar to the Twilight Zone episode 'Where is everybody' (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sZlkwQ2zow).
As an adult I find those feelings of abandonment and loneliness bubbling to the surface in my daily decisions and feelings. The thought of isolation terrifies me, and anything that remotely resembles the notion of friends, family and even strangers, drifting off into their own metaphorical horizons brings forth a sense of overwhelming panic. The feeling and fear is so overwhelming that it carries its own pull. Sometimes we are slaves that which we fear, and hate most, and it's no different than with the feeling of abandonment. The strange part is, as much as I want to avoid it, I find myself clinging to and making decision in favor of isolation time and time again - like clockwork. I'm not sure if it's fear the drives me to those decisions, or the notion that by attempting to avoid something so fiercely the action backfires and draws you closer and closer to that which you're trying to avoid. It seems simple enough: if you don’t want to be alone then don't make decisions that lead to that conclusion; however, there is always a “but” and “I can't” and “things aren't working out” that leads to the underlying decisions that result in being alone.
[UnFinisheD]
The reoccurring dreams I would have were most similar to the Twilight Zone episode 'Where is everybody' (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sZlkwQ2zow).