(no subject)
trying desperately to pack (and unpack), and having little luck. i apparently have too many clothes. but, thanks to the loft, i am efficiently folding & conserving space. i got a transfer to holyoke, so i at least have a permanant job lined up for when school starts (albeit, one that is 2874 miles away).
after the staff dinner, i'm not sure how much i want to return. i think i may have moved on. i went back and forth all summer- internship or camp- and i cannot deny that i had an amazing summer. it was a big summer of growth, and learning how to relax & let go. i let go of a lot, including a lot of the things that were slowly giving me an ulcer, haha. i think it was good to prioritize, as well. i need to come first, before everything else. i was very, very selfish this summer, trying to figure myself out. i don't know if i'm done being selfish. i don't know if you'll be able to love me at the end of this. but it's something i needed to do.
talking to sarah yesterday was like a breath of fresh air. there is life after camp, after rhode island. there are two of the best people i've known waiting to come back to me (although one won't pick up her phone currently because she's having too much sex!), and so many wonderful things in store. i have to be a role model (ha!) to a bunch of first years i've never met. i have to rise above whatever i'm feeling and accept everyone (and encourage kate to do the same!) and probably be a better person. can i do it?
oh for god's sake, of course.
i am leaving 'cause i love you, i am leaving 'cause i don't
and i'm hoping you will follow & i'm praying that you won't
(let me go)
♥