How dare she....
I have been kinda pickin arguments with Cici today.. I stopped and thought why I was doing that.. well I am somewhat upset by something she said this morning... and I realized I was venting it out in other ways all day.
Long time ago when I was here in the summer of 2000, I was over here visiting. Travis let some chips get under the sofa and ants came into the house. Cici found out.. rolled down the back entry way got soooo mad at Travis she chucked a phone at his face. Luckily he ducked in time. But the phone got smashed against the wall. Later Mary came back, she was the care taker then, and I told her what happened. Cecilia denied it and claimed I lied.
I always thought that after Cici went into the mental hospital place that she got better, and it was just cause of the MS emotions to why she was destructive to her kids.
But then today she was telling me about how she used to smack her kids and they would whine (her words) to her about how if she keeps it up they were going to call the cops on her. I asked her how old they were. She said 10 ish.. That was when I remembered the phone incident. Then she said "I can smack uhm if I want to. And there is no mark left behind its ok. But I think it was fine if I hit them. Its good for them. I don't know why they would get so mad. I didn't do anything wrong! Sheesh.. those kids!"
Then I told her back, biting back my fury.."if I was your kid I would have done the same. You were sometimes awful and violent. I do not blame them for not wanting to be hit. You (she looked at me funny then) think I do not know? I was there once time when you shucked a phone at Travs face. Then I told on you. Yep I did. You claimed I was lying. But I wasn't." she stopped talking about hitting her kids to me then. The way she said it (about hitting them) was like she was bragging. I couldn't believe it.
I think now I am all upset.. because I thought it was the MS that "drove her" to violence and child abuse. But its her. She validates it. That's who she is.
So... I don't know.
Sometimes I wish I was still ignorant to this family. That I wish I didn't know these things about Cici. I still love her... but I am mad at the monster in her. I just want to cry and hold on to my little cousins.. but I feel like its too late for my pity... no wonder they don't want to be here or come see her. I knew that it was bad back then, I thought things could be better... but how can you want to go back to a home that still enlists family violence? For when Lea and Cass (and Trav) do come home... Good on uhm for the strength and courage to move forward....the best they can.
I also used to get upset about how the girls would "tell on Cici"... I still wish they would stand up to her now... but I am learning now that Cici sugar coats the truth to me... she blames them if she does something such as call them "stupid bitches".. which she did... but then later claimed it was something else. And I got on her side.. she took my gullible trusting nature and manipulated me... and I took HER side.. not knowing SHE was the ABUSER! (This was from when I first got here)
I just feel manipulated.. And coerced to her side.. and now I am happy I see who for who she was and still is... So.. I can protect my gullible nature...
But I feel awful for her kids. How dare she.. and to still be proud of it. Awful.
Long time ago when I was here in the summer of 2000, I was over here visiting. Travis let some chips get under the sofa and ants came into the house. Cici found out.. rolled down the back entry way got soooo mad at Travis she chucked a phone at his face. Luckily he ducked in time. But the phone got smashed against the wall. Later Mary came back, she was the care taker then, and I told her what happened. Cecilia denied it and claimed I lied.
I always thought that after Cici went into the mental hospital place that she got better, and it was just cause of the MS emotions to why she was destructive to her kids.
But then today she was telling me about how she used to smack her kids and they would whine (her words) to her about how if she keeps it up they were going to call the cops on her. I asked her how old they were. She said 10 ish.. That was when I remembered the phone incident. Then she said "I can smack uhm if I want to. And there is no mark left behind its ok. But I think it was fine if I hit them. Its good for them. I don't know why they would get so mad. I didn't do anything wrong! Sheesh.. those kids!"
Then I told her back, biting back my fury.."if I was your kid I would have done the same. You were sometimes awful and violent. I do not blame them for not wanting to be hit. You (she looked at me funny then) think I do not know? I was there once time when you shucked a phone at Travs face. Then I told on you. Yep I did. You claimed I was lying. But I wasn't." she stopped talking about hitting her kids to me then. The way she said it (about hitting them) was like she was bragging. I couldn't believe it.
I think now I am all upset.. because I thought it was the MS that "drove her" to violence and child abuse. But its her. She validates it. That's who she is.
So... I don't know.
Sometimes I wish I was still ignorant to this family. That I wish I didn't know these things about Cici. I still love her... but I am mad at the monster in her. I just want to cry and hold on to my little cousins.. but I feel like its too late for my pity... no wonder they don't want to be here or come see her. I knew that it was bad back then, I thought things could be better... but how can you want to go back to a home that still enlists family violence? For when Lea and Cass (and Trav) do come home... Good on uhm for the strength and courage to move forward....the best they can.
I also used to get upset about how the girls would "tell on Cici"... I still wish they would stand up to her now... but I am learning now that Cici sugar coats the truth to me... she blames them if she does something such as call them "stupid bitches".. which she did... but then later claimed it was something else. And I got on her side.. she took my gullible trusting nature and manipulated me... and I took HER side.. not knowing SHE was the ABUSER! (This was from when I first got here)
I just feel manipulated.. And coerced to her side.. and now I am happy I see who for who she was and still is... So.. I can protect my gullible nature...
But I feel awful for her kids. How dare she.. and to still be proud of it. Awful.