(no subject)
you know whats so frustrating about drawing is just knowing I cannot do it and i just stare at the paper obsessively starting over and scratching away i need just the right amount of freedom and the right amount of control and the paper is so white and so clean and so perfect and sensual i need the sharpest pencil i can get so i sharpen it obsessively and then again i start but no everytime i do its always so shitty i cant begin to describe.
i am going crazy with this. i can never draw well enough for myself.
and in light of your recent flurry haze activity i have been reevaluating as much as i can, of course... what else do i do with the space i have in my mind... i just know who you are and you are always free but instead of being free i am like an anchor with everything and this is not right i am supposed to be the freest, but my biggest secret is that i am really the heaviest.
fuck it all, seriously. i am that tree. the part that faces the sun is green and thriving and flourishing but the part in the shadows is wilted and brown. in the same fucking tree.
i am going crazy with this. i can never draw well enough for myself.
and in light of your recent flurry haze activity i have been reevaluating as much as i can, of course... what else do i do with the space i have in my mind... i just know who you are and you are always free but instead of being free i am like an anchor with everything and this is not right i am supposed to be the freest, but my biggest secret is that i am really the heaviest.
fuck it all, seriously. i am that tree. the part that faces the sun is green and thriving and flourishing but the part in the shadows is wilted and brown. in the same fucking tree.