Bring on the New Year
I find myself rather excited about the end of 2007. While I don't want this to be a "this year sucked," rant, it's been a little rough. I must say that I'm not too sorry to see this year finish and move along to 2008.
I didn't realize until recently that 2007 has really taken a toll on me. Perhaps my biggest mistake was getting caught up in it such that I forgot what it looks like, and even how to, submit to God and rejoice in tribulation. I knew this time last year that 2007 would be so completely busy, at least up until July, so I was trying to prepare for that. Lots of milestones with birthdays, anniversaries, and new babies in the family, I knew there'd be lots of going. And we went. I didn't know that there'd be significant overhaul in the merging of my church with another. I didn't know that there'd be a flood in Denton that would consume my flooring and a few boxen of stuff. I didn't know that we'd be repairing our house for 8 months, plus since technically we still have a few baseboards that need painting and installing. I didn't know that I had so much crap in my house that I should have rid myself of years ago. I didn't know that I craved order so much.
Looking at the paragraph above, with all the "I didn't know," statements is kind of telling. The most important thing I didn't know was how much I'd pushed God aside and kept Him at a distance this whole year. The more things got out of hand, the more I tried to grab the reins to keep it organized or stable. And yet I knew things were off with God. I knew that my whole heart wasn't in it. It's that sort of paradox about God I find myself dealing with regularly. Well, the fact that He's all about the paradoxen. The knowing yet not understanding gets me into trouble. The place that I find myself in repeatedly is akin to the pigpen. Somewhere along the walk, I turn to God (and it really seems like I'm just not paying attention or I'm distracted) and I say, "give me my inheritance," and I go about my merry little way. It's only when I wake up that one day and realize I've been sleeping, eating, and living in the pig pen with the pigs that I'm finally really seeing clearly. I see that I'm not, in fact, at home with God. I've traded the good life with Him, for mud and slop.
I don't know why I believe the lies put forth that God is out to do me harm. Specifically the lie is that "God loves you, but can do whatever He wants with your life, bringing harm and disaster in the name of that love." And I believe it. It's so Garden of Eden. The idea that God would withhold something from me or bring plague and disaster, so I go find my own fruit to prevent that from happening.
Anywhoo, all that to say that I'm thankful that at the very end of this year, God is showing me how much He wants me. For whatever reason that seems to trump the thing I've become convinced of, the part where He can do whatever He wants with my life (which in my world is bad, hard stuff),in the name of goodness. And I'm really glad He trumps the lies I believe with His love. I'm thankful for Jesus, that His death prevents me from being cast out of paradise with God, and instead I can walk back into that garden and walk with God. I'm thankful to God that He's bringing this year of trial, tribulation, and testing to a close.
Happy New Year!
I didn't realize until recently that 2007 has really taken a toll on me. Perhaps my biggest mistake was getting caught up in it such that I forgot what it looks like, and even how to, submit to God and rejoice in tribulation. I knew this time last year that 2007 would be so completely busy, at least up until July, so I was trying to prepare for that. Lots of milestones with birthdays, anniversaries, and new babies in the family, I knew there'd be lots of going. And we went. I didn't know that there'd be significant overhaul in the merging of my church with another. I didn't know that there'd be a flood in Denton that would consume my flooring and a few boxen of stuff. I didn't know that we'd be repairing our house for 8 months, plus since technically we still have a few baseboards that need painting and installing. I didn't know that I had so much crap in my house that I should have rid myself of years ago. I didn't know that I craved order so much.
Looking at the paragraph above, with all the "I didn't know," statements is kind of telling. The most important thing I didn't know was how much I'd pushed God aside and kept Him at a distance this whole year. The more things got out of hand, the more I tried to grab the reins to keep it organized or stable. And yet I knew things were off with God. I knew that my whole heart wasn't in it. It's that sort of paradox about God I find myself dealing with regularly. Well, the fact that He's all about the paradoxen. The knowing yet not understanding gets me into trouble. The place that I find myself in repeatedly is akin to the pigpen. Somewhere along the walk, I turn to God (and it really seems like I'm just not paying attention or I'm distracted) and I say, "give me my inheritance," and I go about my merry little way. It's only when I wake up that one day and realize I've been sleeping, eating, and living in the pig pen with the pigs that I'm finally really seeing clearly. I see that I'm not, in fact, at home with God. I've traded the good life with Him, for mud and slop.
I don't know why I believe the lies put forth that God is out to do me harm. Specifically the lie is that "God loves you, but can do whatever He wants with your life, bringing harm and disaster in the name of that love." And I believe it. It's so Garden of Eden. The idea that God would withhold something from me or bring plague and disaster, so I go find my own fruit to prevent that from happening.
Anywhoo, all that to say that I'm thankful that at the very end of this year, God is showing me how much He wants me. For whatever reason that seems to trump the thing I've become convinced of, the part where He can do whatever He wants with my life (which in my world is bad, hard stuff),in the name of goodness. And I'm really glad He trumps the lies I believe with His love. I'm thankful for Jesus, that His death prevents me from being cast out of paradise with God, and instead I can walk back into that garden and walk with God. I'm thankful to God that He's bringing this year of trial, tribulation, and testing to a close.
Happy New Year!