(no subject)
Goddammit, I'm so sick and tired of this money crap. Dad just sold his business (after months of dealing with his asshold partner who was trying to run it into the ground) and my grandparents are staying over. I love my grandparents - I haven't complained about them being here, though my only worry was how long I'd be kicked out of my room because of school.
Anyway, I love my grandma, she's so proud of my dad. Hell, we all are. My dad will tell everyone "I sold my business" maybe go on for two more sentences, then go on to his recent golf escapades. Mom told me in confidence but some money will go to every member of my family - (I have 15 cousins, 19 aunts/uncles).
But ever since my grandma arrived, she's been irrating me with her money talk. I mean, she asked if I would want our house (like as inheiratance or something). I said no - I want to make my own life. Buy my own house, decorate it my way, pay for it by myself. She probably didn't mean to, but she outright told me I will most likely never get where my parents are today (finacially). I hate to say it, but most of the time I'd agree. My parents have done something amazing that I don't think I'll ever measure up to (Winston Churchill's kids felt the same way, apparently), but when I heard her say that I saw red, I swear. WTF?? I wanted to get out even more and prove to her and everyone that I don't need mommy and daddy to buy stuff for me. I can do anything my parents can do. ANYTHING.
Then she's going on all the time about how we kids don't know how good we have it. I'd say that for Robert and Jacob because they're not quite old enough, but I know well enough because of friends who can' afford college, who have to work to make car payments, and half of my friends' parents are divorced. I take things for granted, sure, but I sure as hell know that I'm INCREDIBLY fortunate.
Then at dinner, she's going on and on about money. And somehow my aunt Sue who's severed most contact with my parents grew from a whisper between just my mom, her sister, and her mother, to a table conversation. The first thing I thought in my head to spite my aunt Sue was: "don't give her anything" but then I realized how awful that sounded. But when I heard my grandma say it (the one staying with us and might not even have met my aunt Sue) and I saw red.
My mom's mom and my Bye-Lo, hardly mentioned money, but my dad's mom mentioned all the time. I'm just sick of it. We're the same frickin' people we were a few months ago. I mean, why can't people just see that? I'm pissed. I try really hard not to let money get to my head and to always encourage myself to work hard, to not slack off. I try not to buy to much and be savvy with money. I won't buy something new if it works just as well when it's used. I want a job to learn finacial responsibility, to have more financial independence. I don't want people thinking that I'm a snobby rich kid and most importantly, I don't want become one.
I want money so I can go to a great college, so I can afford healthy food, so I can buy good quality clothes that'll last me years. I want high quality that'll last. But I don't want things for the sake of having things. As my mom put it, I have rich tastes, but I'm not materialistic.
My teacher, whom I respect very much, said "you're young, you have your whole life to work, why do it?" I said because of my friends. He said, "oh, so you get that crap from people? Your parents are well off?" I said, "Yeah, but I want to do it for me." He was cool with that. In fact he told me his favorite qualities about me were that I was incredibly intelligent (I don't see it) and my ability to use the word "fuck" so loosely (I have a dirty mouth :P )
I dunno, I hate the money sometimes. My life is so much easier, and I appreciate that, but I wonder if I've had it too easy. And a lot of times, I feel like it seperates me from people I care about, and worst of all, I have people make misconseptions about me because of it - one of my friends said she hated going to country clubs because all of the people were snotty. My family is part of a country club. I told her that. Apparently I'm the exception to the stupid sterotype. My mom admitted to thinking expensive private school kids were stuck up when she was in college. I hate that. God, it just - I don't want people to see me that way. To judge me by how much money I have (I always insist to people who say I'm rich that my parent's are rich and I am broke).