(no subject)
Last night one of my neighbors (as in, someone who lives in my complex) got drunk, walked across the pond, and passed out on the shore and died thirty feet from the edge of my deck.
I had no reason to be gazing out my window in the middle of the night, with the lights off, and who knows? I probably wouldn't have seen anything anyway - I look out now and I can only find the tamped down snow because I know it's there, it's so shadowed. But I'm shaken. Someone died so needlessly, so near me, while I slept, or tried to sleep, or sat in this chair. I know that I'm not at fault, but I hate that I couldn't have found and saved him, that none of the dozens of residents whose units face the lake could have done the same (but why would they have been gazing out either?).
I'm just... shaken.
I had no reason to be gazing out my window in the middle of the night, with the lights off, and who knows? I probably wouldn't have seen anything anyway - I look out now and I can only find the tamped down snow because I know it's there, it's so shadowed. But I'm shaken. Someone died so needlessly, so near me, while I slept, or tried to sleep, or sat in this chair. I know that I'm not at fault, but I hate that I couldn't have found and saved him, that none of the dozens of residents whose units face the lake could have done the same (but why would they have been gazing out either?).
I'm just... shaken.