stop making me rant!
On a whim, I happened to be looking at the editorial section of the Trib today at work. I was on break, I was bored, it was there. It was serindipitous. For some reason, there were only about four pages of the paper actually present, so my options were limited. I glanced at the reader letters. Most were mundane, some were trite, some were outraged, and this? Well, the smug, condescending entitlement took even me by surprise.
Allowing Christmas
Now that the annual attempt to ban the real meaning of Christmas is over, perhaps some suggestions are in order:
• Have the state recognize all major religions as existent.
• Pass a law allowing displays at Christmas on state property that promote the specific religion in a positive light and bans criticism of other religions or viewpoints.
• Other groups wishing to participate must reach threshold numbers of people by submitting signed petitions as a candidate must for an election.
• Set the number of signatures high enough to prevent nuisance displays.
Problem solved (forever). Merry Christmas.
--Norman D. Bell, New Lenox
Ah, yes. Problem magically and seamlessly solved - no thanks needed, it was really my pleasure - by our friend Norman. All you have to do, you see, is posit and accept that Christianity is - come on, let's face it - more valid than any other religion. I mean, don't get me wrong, we know that other religions exist, and as a token of our affection, we're gonna go ahead and have the state recognize that fact - I mean, aren't they quaint? But as far as what matters? What I want to see should I have to go to court to appear in front of a judge during the Christmas season for that time I may or may not have drunkenly assaulted a waitress earlier in the fall? Well, it damn well better be Christlike. I want my Christmas tree - with a damn angel on top, not a star - and my nativity scene and don't you even try to slip any black people into my nativity scene 'cause we all good and well know that those middle easterners were, somehow or another, Aryan. Candles and crosses and joy and puppies. It's gonna be positive, people.
And hey, we're not gonna say anything nasty about your lesser, more feeble religion!
'Cause we're not gonna say anything at all.
Unless, of course, you manage to gather enough signatures to prove to the state - and Norman - that somehow, while we weren't looking, enough people actually managed to glom onto your religion that we might have to acknowledge that not only does it exist - which we did already. Ain't that big of us? - but that it might actually matter. I'm thinking that number should be somewhere around 50% of any given jurisdiction's population. You wouldn't want any of those nuisance Jews putting up a display with their silly Hanukkah bushes and weirdo candlesticks, painting the place all blue and white and making us read signs backwards, now would you? Of course not.
I mean, sure, 50% is a number not even the Christians could aspire to, but that's okay, because they don't need the petition. The Christians, of course, are held to different standards. It's not that they're better those of other faiths, you know. They're just different.
Just kidding. They're better.
It's really pretty simple, as dear Norman has shown us. In Christianity we trust. All others can use the separate entrance 'round back.
Until you get that petition filled out.
Ain't that right, Norman?
Anyone ever mentioned to you, Norman, that you just might be a wee bit of a bigot?
I can only hope that the Trib printed this letter to widen the scope of Mr. Bell's public admission of complete idiocy rather than because someone read it and thought, "By Jove, I think he's got something!"
Allowing Christmas
Now that the annual attempt to ban the real meaning of Christmas is over, perhaps some suggestions are in order:
• Have the state recognize all major religions as existent.
• Pass a law allowing displays at Christmas on state property that promote the specific religion in a positive light and bans criticism of other religions or viewpoints.
• Other groups wishing to participate must reach threshold numbers of people by submitting signed petitions as a candidate must for an election.
• Set the number of signatures high enough to prevent nuisance displays.
Problem solved (forever). Merry Christmas.
--Norman D. Bell, New Lenox
Ah, yes. Problem magically and seamlessly solved - no thanks needed, it was really my pleasure - by our friend Norman. All you have to do, you see, is posit and accept that Christianity is - come on, let's face it - more valid than any other religion. I mean, don't get me wrong, we know that other religions exist, and as a token of our affection, we're gonna go ahead and have the state recognize that fact - I mean, aren't they quaint? But as far as what matters? What I want to see should I have to go to court to appear in front of a judge during the Christmas season for that time I may or may not have drunkenly assaulted a waitress earlier in the fall? Well, it damn well better be Christlike. I want my Christmas tree - with a damn angel on top, not a star - and my nativity scene and don't you even try to slip any black people into my nativity scene 'cause we all good and well know that those middle easterners were, somehow or another, Aryan. Candles and crosses and joy and puppies. It's gonna be positive, people.
And hey, we're not gonna say anything nasty about your lesser, more feeble religion!
'Cause we're not gonna say anything at all.
Unless, of course, you manage to gather enough signatures to prove to the state - and Norman - that somehow, while we weren't looking, enough people actually managed to glom onto your religion that we might have to acknowledge that not only does it exist - which we did already. Ain't that big of us? - but that it might actually matter. I'm thinking that number should be somewhere around 50% of any given jurisdiction's population. You wouldn't want any of those nuisance Jews putting up a display with their silly Hanukkah bushes and weirdo candlesticks, painting the place all blue and white and making us read signs backwards, now would you? Of course not.
I mean, sure, 50% is a number not even the Christians could aspire to, but that's okay, because they don't need the petition. The Christians, of course, are held to different standards. It's not that they're better those of other faiths, you know. They're just different.
Just kidding. They're better.
It's really pretty simple, as dear Norman has shown us. In Christianity we trust. All others can use the separate entrance 'round back.
Until you get that petition filled out.
Ain't that right, Norman?
Anyone ever mentioned to you, Norman, that you just might be a wee bit of a bigot?
I can only hope that the Trib printed this letter to widen the scope of Mr. Bell's public admission of complete idiocy rather than because someone read it and thought, "By Jove, I think he's got something!"