(no subject)
Hey everyone my name is Jen and i am in the 11th grade at JFk high or a.k.a. jail for kids. I am 16 and live in Cheektowaga, NY. I just recently broke up with my boyfriend and am hoping to get back on the rebound as soon as possible. LOL. Let's see he was 18 had a car, very cute, and actually knew what he was doing with his life. What was the problem? WEll let's just say he wanted what i wasn't ready to give up yet. O yeah and there was no connection. I mean the first 2 weeks were very hot and sexy and everything but it just got dull after a while. O well enough bout him......
I really wanted to vent when I got up this morning on this god damn thing but I'm not really in the mood for it anymore.I went over to my friend Gina's house yesturday and we had a nice long talk. I miss her. She moved to WEst Seneca and now we can only really hang out once or twice a week. It used to be everyday. She is one of my best friends. Anywho I'm glad we talked. I came home and just wanted sooo bad to......Well nevermind. Some of my close friends will be reading this and...yeah. God I am such an attention freak sometimes. Lyke right now. Yes everyone I cut myself. Not all the time, actually i did it for the first time bout 2 or 3 weeks ago and i did it again at Gina's. I guess I kinda did it for the attention but I kinda didn't too. I sometimes think i am sooo fucking selfish sometymes. I just wanna dig at my arms until there is nothing left. I just wanna cry until my eyes bleed. Sometymes I just want no one to love me, just soo i can have an excuse to die. I know i have people here that luv and care for me and i luv u all more than u know. But there are times when that isn't enough.
I remember one time, I actually cried becuz i was soo scared of myself. I had a knife in my hand and just wanted to slit my wrists and i was crying becuz i didn't want to feel that way. I was sooo scared to die and afraid of what my mom and friends and other family would do. I feel lyke crying now but i can't. I want to run upstairs and watch the blood pour out my arm lyke a river. My image in my head is that the pain will be gone 2morrow. Not that the pain will take the other pain away, i know it adds to it. But..... it's hard to explain. I think i cut myself the other day for both attention and for myself. Again sumtymes i feel soooo selfish lyke all i want is attention. I don't want to be lyke that. If i could change anything bout myself that is what it would be.
I guess that's it...... o and don't ask what i'm bout to do. Cuz honestly i don't know.
I really wanted to vent when I got up this morning on this god damn thing but I'm not really in the mood for it anymore.I went over to my friend Gina's house yesturday and we had a nice long talk. I miss her. She moved to WEst Seneca and now we can only really hang out once or twice a week. It used to be everyday. She is one of my best friends. Anywho I'm glad we talked. I came home and just wanted sooo bad to......Well nevermind. Some of my close friends will be reading this and...yeah. God I am such an attention freak sometimes. Lyke right now. Yes everyone I cut myself. Not all the time, actually i did it for the first time bout 2 or 3 weeks ago and i did it again at Gina's. I guess I kinda did it for the attention but I kinda didn't too. I sometimes think i am sooo fucking selfish sometymes. I just wanna dig at my arms until there is nothing left. I just wanna cry until my eyes bleed. Sometymes I just want no one to love me, just soo i can have an excuse to die. I know i have people here that luv and care for me and i luv u all more than u know. But there are times when that isn't enough.
I remember one time, I actually cried becuz i was soo scared of myself. I had a knife in my hand and just wanted to slit my wrists and i was crying becuz i didn't want to feel that way. I was sooo scared to die and afraid of what my mom and friends and other family would do. I feel lyke crying now but i can't. I want to run upstairs and watch the blood pour out my arm lyke a river. My image in my head is that the pain will be gone 2morrow. Not that the pain will take the other pain away, i know it adds to it. But..... it's hard to explain. I think i cut myself the other day for both attention and for myself. Again sumtymes i feel soooo selfish lyke all i want is attention. I don't want to be lyke that. If i could change anything bout myself that is what it would be.
I guess that's it...... o and don't ask what i'm bout to do. Cuz honestly i don't know.