Stop Whispering. Start Shouting.
what has happened to me? I was going to do the ode to this semester/year thing later, but now is a good a time as any. All done with classes! I just handed in my honors paper and did my Spanish oral exam. I think I did really well on that. I actually like speaking the language now. It is so much fun just to think in a different language and think of new ways to say things. So this almost knowing that I did well on something is a little new to me. I am pretty sure this will be my worst GPA semester ever. I have a pretty strong accumulative so it won't bring it down that much. There is so much I want to write about, so brace yourself.
This year, well mainly this semester, has been the epitome of cinematic growing up. I finally understand that college is the time of your life, maybe not the BEST, not the WORST...but THE time....I think I am begin to fully embrace living. Those of you who know me well, know that I really didn't do that in highschool or even last year. I have always been so scared to take chances, to be wrong, to DO wrong...and NO! it wasn't because the Bible told me not to; it was because I didn't need another excuse to think I wasn't as good as everyone. I wanted to be perfect, but it trying to do that I became really removed from the things that are truly important. It is so much easier to say "who cares what people think?" than really believe it. I envy the people that can do that. But what has come about this semester is the realization that I am nowhere close to perfect and I never will be, so why try? Not cynical...an epiphany. My grades will not be all A's..yeah there may even be a B in there, but it is noone's business but my own. Doing so poorly on my first honors paper made me work hard on this last one and learn a lot of writing techniques. I am proud of this one.
My GPA may suffer a little this semester, but what I learned about myself and other people since January has been one of the most amazing, painful experiences. I have finally found a core group of people that I trust with the world. I am beginning to figure out who I am and what makes me, me..now, I may never figure out exactly who that is, but what is important is that I am happy with whoever I am. I have a lot of quirks, but there is a whole bunch I really like about myself. I am not much of a risk taker and I think things out a ton, but that's ok. I am learning what risks are ok to take and what ones I know will never amount to what I really want in life.
This was the semester I stepped blind-folded into so may situations, so many firsts. First time I was officially a "two week girl," first time I was truely confident in my soccer-playing ability, first time I cried in public, first time I swore at someone(shocking,I know), first boyfriend, first time I have honestly wanted to hit someone, first time I had to look someone in the eye and forgive them, first time I just wanted to randomnly make out with someone just to spite, first time I concocted ways to hurt someone, first time I dealt with things with the minsdet on an adult, first time I had so much faith in friendship, first time I drank, first time I got drunk, first time I approached a boy to have a conversation without feeling anxious, first time I felt pretty and knew that I was a damn good catch...and FINALLY, the first time I realize some things are just not worth beating yourself up over.
I hate being sappy, but it happens. This is also the first time I do not have any regrets. I would do everything all over again.
I am lost.
I have gone to find myself.
If I should return before I get back,
please ask me to wait.~A sign outside Dr. Lund's door (it appealed to me)
This year, well mainly this semester, has been the epitome of cinematic growing up. I finally understand that college is the time of your life, maybe not the BEST, not the WORST...but THE time....I think I am begin to fully embrace living. Those of you who know me well, know that I really didn't do that in highschool or even last year. I have always been so scared to take chances, to be wrong, to DO wrong...and NO! it wasn't because the Bible told me not to; it was because I didn't need another excuse to think I wasn't as good as everyone. I wanted to be perfect, but it trying to do that I became really removed from the things that are truly important. It is so much easier to say "who cares what people think?" than really believe it. I envy the people that can do that. But what has come about this semester is the realization that I am nowhere close to perfect and I never will be, so why try? Not cynical...an epiphany. My grades will not be all A's..yeah there may even be a B in there, but it is noone's business but my own. Doing so poorly on my first honors paper made me work hard on this last one and learn a lot of writing techniques. I am proud of this one.
My GPA may suffer a little this semester, but what I learned about myself and other people since January has been one of the most amazing, painful experiences. I have finally found a core group of people that I trust with the world. I am beginning to figure out who I am and what makes me, me..now, I may never figure out exactly who that is, but what is important is that I am happy with whoever I am. I have a lot of quirks, but there is a whole bunch I really like about myself. I am not much of a risk taker and I think things out a ton, but that's ok. I am learning what risks are ok to take and what ones I know will never amount to what I really want in life.
This was the semester I stepped blind-folded into so may situations, so many firsts. First time I was officially a "two week girl," first time I was truely confident in my soccer-playing ability, first time I cried in public, first time I swore at someone(shocking,I know), first boyfriend, first time I have honestly wanted to hit someone, first time I had to look someone in the eye and forgive them, first time I just wanted to randomnly make out with someone just to spite, first time I concocted ways to hurt someone, first time I dealt with things with the minsdet on an adult, first time I had so much faith in friendship, first time I drank, first time I got drunk, first time I approached a boy to have a conversation without feeling anxious, first time I felt pretty and knew that I was a damn good catch...and FINALLY, the first time I realize some things are just not worth beating yourself up over.
I hate being sappy, but it happens. This is also the first time I do not have any regrets. I would do everything all over again.
I am lost.
I have gone to find myself.
If I should return before I get back,
please ask me to wait.~A sign outside Dr. Lund's door (it appealed to me)