(no subject)
So it's been a super long time since I've written on here. I guess I've felt kind of in a funk lately. Nothing is particularly bad, just ... haven't felt quite myself. Some may blame the weather, but April rain is absolutely nothing new to a Wisconsin boy.
My third quarter started, and although I'm enjoying finally getting into some very basic adjusting, I have to say ... there aren't really any distinctive classes. The week tends to blur, and all I feel is the annoyance at having to reset my alarm clock to get to class at a different time each day. Classes are actually very easy ... so much so that I've gotten this shit called Power Putty, which is basically just thick silly putty for the purpose of strengthening your hands. I play with that A LOT during class.
I have to make a speech tomorrow, and I am not at all prepared, but still cannot for the life of me muster the energy to start putting something together. It's only 2 minutes, so I'll probably just end up waking up a few hours early, putting a couple bullet points on some notecards, and showing up. What would 10 years of theater be good for if not a little improvisation?
This leads me to why I'm so tired: this weekend. Went up for an Indian dinner, drinks and cards with the boys on Friday, which was very relaxed. I felt a little bad because I had silenced my phone accidentally, and my friends Jessica and Jon both tried to call me, repeatedly, as did another boy ... Dan. We'll get to him in a second. So, although I love 55andraining dearly ... there's a little bit of a snoring issue after drinks ... spent some time sleeping on the floor upstairs, and a few more hours of intermittent sleep in the bed.
On to Dan. I talked about him in my last entry. Dan is a source of an emotion I'm pretty sensitive to ... guilt. So we flirted a few weeks ago, and then he came out with us later that week. He was aggressive in his pursuit of me, which I find very attractive. So, although he is, in fact, not my type, and in spite of the fact that I had hoped that there would be mutual attraction between him and another of my friends ... we ended up hooking up. I don't feel guilt because we hooked up. I don't feel guilt because he likes me more than I like him. I feel guilt because I feel like I should want to be in a relationship with him, and I don't. (And to my boys who read this ... all that boyfriend talk ... doesn't help.) I don't like him in a boyfriend sense when I like him in almost every other. I think he's very attractive, and I think he's a great guy. I wish I could manufacture that desire, but I can't. Maybe this is stupid and overly romantic, but I WANT the "Promenade" scene from West Side Story, dammit. I don't want to think of all the reasons why we shouldn't be together and not be able to come up with a opposing list of why we should.
It was his birthday on Saturday, so we went to dinner with a few of his friends and then out to a club. I was super tired at this point, but it was his birthday so ... stayed out till 2:30. Then back to his place where I didn't get to sleep much at all. Dan's a cuddler, and I can't cuddle and sleep. Maybe I'm just a really bad thermal regulator, but I end up waking up panting I'm so hot. I'd hoped this morning to have "the talk" with him, but he was pretty hungover from the night before, so ... that pretty much put the kibosh to that one. On the plus side, someone at the club asked him if I was his boyfriend. He got a little bit of a confused look on his face and was like, "Well ... uhh ... yes?" I looked at the guy who asked the question and said, "We haven't had 'the talk' to decide where we stand yet. So no." Then Dan looked at me and said, "So ... I don't know?", to which I responded, "Good answer." I think that laid the groundwork for the conversation that needs to take place in the near future.
Picked up Phox from the boys' this afternoon and drove back here. Felt like an absolute zombie, so I've spent the past 7 hours watching movies. Rent, Just Like Heaven, and Gods and Monsters. I could tell I was overtired because I BAWLED at Rent. The best part was ... I'm out of Kleenex, so I had to use toilet paper. By the end of the movie I had a sopping wet wad of TP, and when I went to the bathroom after the movie, I saw that I had pieces of it all over my face. Hot. (Mental note: if you're an emotional wreck, do not use toilet paper.) I thought they did an excellent job at moving the musical to the movie, but with the original cast (mostly) I think that respect toward the original concept was a high priority. Just Like Heaven was cute ... uplifting. Then, more depression with Gods and Monsters; although, I already knew how it ended, and I think it's a fantastic movie.
So that's what's up with me. Exhausted, but not tired enough to sleep. I hope this clears soon.
BLUH.
My third quarter started, and although I'm enjoying finally getting into some very basic adjusting, I have to say ... there aren't really any distinctive classes. The week tends to blur, and all I feel is the annoyance at having to reset my alarm clock to get to class at a different time each day. Classes are actually very easy ... so much so that I've gotten this shit called Power Putty, which is basically just thick silly putty for the purpose of strengthening your hands. I play with that A LOT during class.
I have to make a speech tomorrow, and I am not at all prepared, but still cannot for the life of me muster the energy to start putting something together. It's only 2 minutes, so I'll probably just end up waking up a few hours early, putting a couple bullet points on some notecards, and showing up. What would 10 years of theater be good for if not a little improvisation?
This leads me to why I'm so tired: this weekend. Went up for an Indian dinner, drinks and cards with the boys on Friday, which was very relaxed. I felt a little bad because I had silenced my phone accidentally, and my friends Jessica and Jon both tried to call me, repeatedly, as did another boy ... Dan. We'll get to him in a second. So, although I love 55andraining dearly ... there's a little bit of a snoring issue after drinks ... spent some time sleeping on the floor upstairs, and a few more hours of intermittent sleep in the bed.
On to Dan. I talked about him in my last entry. Dan is a source of an emotion I'm pretty sensitive to ... guilt. So we flirted a few weeks ago, and then he came out with us later that week. He was aggressive in his pursuit of me, which I find very attractive. So, although he is, in fact, not my type, and in spite of the fact that I had hoped that there would be mutual attraction between him and another of my friends ... we ended up hooking up. I don't feel guilt because we hooked up. I don't feel guilt because he likes me more than I like him. I feel guilt because I feel like I should want to be in a relationship with him, and I don't. (And to my boys who read this ... all that boyfriend talk ... doesn't help.) I don't like him in a boyfriend sense when I like him in almost every other. I think he's very attractive, and I think he's a great guy. I wish I could manufacture that desire, but I can't. Maybe this is stupid and overly romantic, but I WANT the "Promenade" scene from West Side Story, dammit. I don't want to think of all the reasons why we shouldn't be together and not be able to come up with a opposing list of why we should.
It was his birthday on Saturday, so we went to dinner with a few of his friends and then out to a club. I was super tired at this point, but it was his birthday so ... stayed out till 2:30. Then back to his place where I didn't get to sleep much at all. Dan's a cuddler, and I can't cuddle and sleep. Maybe I'm just a really bad thermal regulator, but I end up waking up panting I'm so hot. I'd hoped this morning to have "the talk" with him, but he was pretty hungover from the night before, so ... that pretty much put the kibosh to that one. On the plus side, someone at the club asked him if I was his boyfriend. He got a little bit of a confused look on his face and was like, "Well ... uhh ... yes?" I looked at the guy who asked the question and said, "We haven't had 'the talk' to decide where we stand yet. So no." Then Dan looked at me and said, "So ... I don't know?", to which I responded, "Good answer." I think that laid the groundwork for the conversation that needs to take place in the near future.
Picked up Phox from the boys' this afternoon and drove back here. Felt like an absolute zombie, so I've spent the past 7 hours watching movies. Rent, Just Like Heaven, and Gods and Monsters. I could tell I was overtired because I BAWLED at Rent. The best part was ... I'm out of Kleenex, so I had to use toilet paper. By the end of the movie I had a sopping wet wad of TP, and when I went to the bathroom after the movie, I saw that I had pieces of it all over my face. Hot. (Mental note: if you're an emotional wreck, do not use toilet paper.) I thought they did an excellent job at moving the musical to the movie, but with the original cast (mostly) I think that respect toward the original concept was a high priority. Just Like Heaven was cute ... uplifting. Then, more depression with Gods and Monsters; although, I already knew how it ended, and I think it's a fantastic movie.
So that's what's up with me. Exhausted, but not tired enough to sleep. I hope this clears soon.
BLUH.