20 Random Facts about Me, Michael Joseph Park.
1. I simultaneously love and hate pooping at work. I love it because what other time do I get paid while I am pooping?! I hate it because I hate pooping in community restrooms. This dilemma will haunt me till I die or retire or both.
2. The first "R" rated movie I ever saw was Navy Seals starring Charlie Sheen at the Reel Joy theatre in King City. I was 8 years old and not accompanied by anyone, but in King City there are no rules! The first "R" rated VHS (yes VHS) I watched was True Colors starring John Cusak and James Spader. The only thing I remember from that was James Spader punched John Cusak in the face and bloodied his upper lip and I think he might of said a curse word too.
3. One time when I was in high school I knocked myself unconscious by running into the back of a flatbed trailer at 2 in the morning. We we're trying to drive tractors around a field illegally and someone yelled "CAR!" and we all ran, except I ran into the back of a flatbed trailer. Freddy came back to save me and all I remember is asking him if I was paralyzed. He said, "no".
4. The first bike I ever had was a Dukes of Hazard bike complete with a confederate flag on the handlebars. Someone stole it off my front porch one nite. I never did find the little racist that took it, but if you're reading this, I want my bike back.
5. When I was a little boy after I would take a shower I would grab a comb and go up to my dad and say, "comb my hair like a little man!" and he would.
6. I was diagnosed with a liver disease 2 weeks before I turned 21. My liver makes too many liver enzymes for my body to handle. When my Dr. told me the news I asked him if we could extract the excess liver enzymes, sell them on ebay, and split the profits. He told me that was very illegal and almost threw me out of his office. Psshh, Dr.'s, what do they know.
7. My mom says that I am "the most happening guy around" and "if people don't like me, than that is there problem." I believed her for years.
8. The first band I ever played drums in was called Idyl Minds. We has 6 XhardcoreX original songs, and 1 cover of a Minor Threat song. The first show we ever played was in Heather Paulson-Graham's garage for her birthday and during the middle of one of the songs Jon Walton-Graham took off his shirt and threw it on my snare drum, rendering it useless for no less than 4 bars. I have never forgiven him for this.
9. I was raised catholic and was an alter boy(alter TOY! just kidding, a little catholic sex scandal humor for you) for several of my preteen/teen years. The only perk to being an alter boy is that you're first in line for communion(that is where you eat the stale bread and drink the wine for all you non catholics).
10. I own 127 shirts and have never paid more than $25 for any of them. I recently went through a phase where I want to dress more like a "grown man", but decided comfort is more important that looks in all cases except sweat pants. It is never ok to wear sweatpants. Never.
11. I don't eat any animal from any body of water. No seafood, no river food, no lake food, no swimming pool or bathtub food. I don't eat amphibians either. If you spend more than 1/3 of your life in some form of water, I won't eat you. If you're a cow that really likes to swim and take baths, chances are I wont make a hamburger of you. I think I have taken this as far as it can go.
12. I have had stitches in my head on five separate occasions (and still have this beautiful face!!!). I had stitches on my head four times before 4th grade! One time Liz Prewitt and I ran into each other on the play ground in 2nd grade and cut my head open. I went to the hospital, got my stitches, came back to school, kicked ass on my spelling test, AND participated in show and tell!!! I'm tough as nails y'all.
13. My sister and I had 2 imaginary friends growing up. They were a married couple named Nina and Norman. We would have lunch with them every day. We would get 2 pieces of bread and a slice of american cheese and microwave it for 30 seconds (that is the full recipe if any of you want to try it), then my sister, nina, norman, and I would sit down and discuss how good our meal was and what our plans were for the day. My sister and I claimed to have invented that particular meal and we named it the "Chefs Fillet".
14. When I was 8 years old I refused to talk to Bryan Conaster for a week because he ruined my attempt to record "Do the Bartman" on to audio cassette off of MTV. During the recording, the song is going on as it always does when you hear a crash as Bryan accidentally dropped something and instantly i start crying and yelling, " you ruined it! I waited all day for this to come on and you ruined it. Get out of here!"
15. Since Bryan ruined my "Do the Bartman" recording, I had to eventually buy the cassete tape of it. It was the second cassette tape I ever bought. The first one was Jon Bon Jovi - Young Guns II soundtrack. I also bought Gerardo - Mo Ritmo(he is the guy who sang "Rico Suave"), Phil Collins - Greatest Hits, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Coming out of our Shells. I have always had amazing taste in music.
16. When I was in 1rst grade I lost the spelling bee on the word "window". I forgot the "w" at the end. That is not what pissed me off the most though. Bonnie Merkle won the spelling bee with the word "sock"!!! Sock!?1? Why couldn't I get that word! I could spell that frontwards and backwards!!! I have never forgiven Mrs. Petrovic for that.
17. When I played soccer as a kid I was goalie and I would cry everytime someone scored a goal off me. One time Brent Norman kicked the ball right into my giblets and I had to be carried off the field by my coach. He told me I was a "tough guy" and I got 2 capri suns and extra orange slices at half time.
18. I have only had 2 Bagels in my life. I had one onion one that was stale and one with cheese on it that I made a sandwich out of. This fact isn't so much interesting as it is delicious.
19. My favorite food in the world is beef jerky. I have a very refined palette. I once bought 3 pounds of beef jerky off ebay. I now make my own jerky in my oven at home.
20. I have only beat 4 video games in my life, Mario Brothers 1 and 3, Tomb Raider 1, and one of the Resident Evil games. One time my brother and I almost beat the nintendo Jaws game, but then we realized that no one in the world has ever beat it and it probably doesn't even have an ending.
2. The first "R" rated movie I ever saw was Navy Seals starring Charlie Sheen at the Reel Joy theatre in King City. I was 8 years old and not accompanied by anyone, but in King City there are no rules! The first "R" rated VHS (yes VHS) I watched was True Colors starring John Cusak and James Spader. The only thing I remember from that was James Spader punched John Cusak in the face and bloodied his upper lip and I think he might of said a curse word too.
3. One time when I was in high school I knocked myself unconscious by running into the back of a flatbed trailer at 2 in the morning. We we're trying to drive tractors around a field illegally and someone yelled "CAR!" and we all ran, except I ran into the back of a flatbed trailer. Freddy came back to save me and all I remember is asking him if I was paralyzed. He said, "no".
4. The first bike I ever had was a Dukes of Hazard bike complete with a confederate flag on the handlebars. Someone stole it off my front porch one nite. I never did find the little racist that took it, but if you're reading this, I want my bike back.
5. When I was a little boy after I would take a shower I would grab a comb and go up to my dad and say, "comb my hair like a little man!" and he would.
6. I was diagnosed with a liver disease 2 weeks before I turned 21. My liver makes too many liver enzymes for my body to handle. When my Dr. told me the news I asked him if we could extract the excess liver enzymes, sell them on ebay, and split the profits. He told me that was very illegal and almost threw me out of his office. Psshh, Dr.'s, what do they know.
7. My mom says that I am "the most happening guy around" and "if people don't like me, than that is there problem." I believed her for years.
8. The first band I ever played drums in was called Idyl Minds. We has 6 XhardcoreX original songs, and 1 cover of a Minor Threat song. The first show we ever played was in Heather Paulson-Graham's garage for her birthday and during the middle of one of the songs Jon Walton-Graham took off his shirt and threw it on my snare drum, rendering it useless for no less than 4 bars. I have never forgiven him for this.
9. I was raised catholic and was an alter boy(alter TOY! just kidding, a little catholic sex scandal humor for you) for several of my preteen/teen years. The only perk to being an alter boy is that you're first in line for communion(that is where you eat the stale bread and drink the wine for all you non catholics).
10. I own 127 shirts and have never paid more than $25 for any of them. I recently went through a phase where I want to dress more like a "grown man", but decided comfort is more important that looks in all cases except sweat pants. It is never ok to wear sweatpants. Never.
11. I don't eat any animal from any body of water. No seafood, no river food, no lake food, no swimming pool or bathtub food. I don't eat amphibians either. If you spend more than 1/3 of your life in some form of water, I won't eat you. If you're a cow that really likes to swim and take baths, chances are I wont make a hamburger of you. I think I have taken this as far as it can go.
12. I have had stitches in my head on five separate occasions (and still have this beautiful face!!!). I had stitches on my head four times before 4th grade! One time Liz Prewitt and I ran into each other on the play ground in 2nd grade and cut my head open. I went to the hospital, got my stitches, came back to school, kicked ass on my spelling test, AND participated in show and tell!!! I'm tough as nails y'all.
13. My sister and I had 2 imaginary friends growing up. They were a married couple named Nina and Norman. We would have lunch with them every day. We would get 2 pieces of bread and a slice of american cheese and microwave it for 30 seconds (that is the full recipe if any of you want to try it), then my sister, nina, norman, and I would sit down and discuss how good our meal was and what our plans were for the day. My sister and I claimed to have invented that particular meal and we named it the "Chefs Fillet".
14. When I was 8 years old I refused to talk to Bryan Conaster for a week because he ruined my attempt to record "Do the Bartman" on to audio cassette off of MTV. During the recording, the song is going on as it always does when you hear a crash as Bryan accidentally dropped something and instantly i start crying and yelling, " you ruined it! I waited all day for this to come on and you ruined it. Get out of here!"
15. Since Bryan ruined my "Do the Bartman" recording, I had to eventually buy the cassete tape of it. It was the second cassette tape I ever bought. The first one was Jon Bon Jovi - Young Guns II soundtrack. I also bought Gerardo - Mo Ritmo(he is the guy who sang "Rico Suave"), Phil Collins - Greatest Hits, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Coming out of our Shells. I have always had amazing taste in music.
16. When I was in 1rst grade I lost the spelling bee on the word "window". I forgot the "w" at the end. That is not what pissed me off the most though. Bonnie Merkle won the spelling bee with the word "sock"!!! Sock!?1? Why couldn't I get that word! I could spell that frontwards and backwards!!! I have never forgiven Mrs. Petrovic for that.
17. When I played soccer as a kid I was goalie and I would cry everytime someone scored a goal off me. One time Brent Norman kicked the ball right into my giblets and I had to be carried off the field by my coach. He told me I was a "tough guy" and I got 2 capri suns and extra orange slices at half time.
18. I have only had 2 Bagels in my life. I had one onion one that was stale and one with cheese on it that I made a sandwich out of. This fact isn't so much interesting as it is delicious.
19. My favorite food in the world is beef jerky. I have a very refined palette. I once bought 3 pounds of beef jerky off ebay. I now make my own jerky in my oven at home.
20. I have only beat 4 video games in my life, Mario Brothers 1 and 3, Tomb Raider 1, and one of the Resident Evil games. One time my brother and I almost beat the nintendo Jaws game, but then we realized that no one in the world has ever beat it and it probably doesn't even have an ending.