(no subject)
Does the past ever get to you? Does it ever sneak up and surround you? Does it ever threaten to completely consume you? Or am I crazy?
My world was practically shattered yesterday. I found myself in a situation where I normally would have turned into Super Ashni and kicked butt. Instead the similarities in that situation were so close to something retched from my past that I froze. Not only did I freeze. Like something out of a god-awful movie I relived that traumatizing moment over again. It only took a few seconds this time, which seemed to make it worse.
It wasn’t my empowered woman skills that saved me this time. My reaction to the situation itself and the memories was so strong that it literally stopped the situation in its tracks.
Nevertheless I find myself in bad place today. I feel lost. Confused. In need of guidance. I have all the resources in the world to help me. I cannot use them until I allow myself to open up. At present time I feel as though that may never happen.
It’s such an ugly word. Perhaps I can blame society for my inability to say it.
My world was practically shattered yesterday. I found myself in a situation where I normally would have turned into Super Ashni and kicked butt. Instead the similarities in that situation were so close to something retched from my past that I froze. Not only did I freeze. Like something out of a god-awful movie I relived that traumatizing moment over again. It only took a few seconds this time, which seemed to make it worse.
It wasn’t my empowered woman skills that saved me this time. My reaction to the situation itself and the memories was so strong that it literally stopped the situation in its tracks.
Nevertheless I find myself in bad place today. I feel lost. Confused. In need of guidance. I have all the resources in the world to help me. I cannot use them until I allow myself to open up. At present time I feel as though that may never happen.
It’s such an ugly word. Perhaps I can blame society for my inability to say it.