Growing Pains
I am feeling a bit weepy and sentimental today. Joel is Boulder and I am here in Englewood. I miss him. Not because he isn't here today- but because since I have been abstinent (70 days today and down 41 lbs.) we spend less time together. I go to my meetings, I eat my healthy meals and he separates himself from me quite a bit. It is a learning curve for both of us I suppose. But I miss having him near me. Having him be present. And he misses his wife- the one who was needy all the time- the one he always had to take care of. I ask him to eat with me and he declines the offer. He'd rather eat the pizza in front of the TV instead of have chicken and veggies on the back porch. Why is it that the healthier I get- the more lonely I feel? And I start feeling resentful. That he would prefer to be with the unhealthy, needy me. Than the more responsible healthy me.
I am getting ready to begin my work on the 4th step. And how will things be when it's time to make my amends? Fuck this is hard. But I'll keep moving on. M.B. said that she lost friends when she lost her weight. That her heavy friends no longer wanted to be around the healthier person she had become.
I don't know where I am going with this. All I know is that I will eat my abstinent meal tonight alone. And will continue along this path I am forging.
I am getting ready to begin my work on the 4th step. And how will things be when it's time to make my amends? Fuck this is hard. But I'll keep moving on. M.B. said that she lost friends when she lost her weight. That her heavy friends no longer wanted to be around the healthier person she had become.
I don't know where I am going with this. All I know is that I will eat my abstinent meal tonight alone. And will continue along this path I am forging.