you don't need me like I need you
flashbacks of spring 2005. comatose in the hallway, I swept up the tears falling on a distant ocean. numb from the sudden shift of events, paralized by my own actions. was i wrong? of course i was, that was why the canker sore in my mouth felt like a giant tumor eating away at my tongue. do what you say, say what you mean, it should be simple, right? wanting to reassure, comfort and explain I swallowed my cancerous growth and said nothing. wanting just three small words: i am sorry, to wash away all doubt. but doubt remains and i will never be able to find the words that could carry her tears to the ocean and back without spilling a drop. instead I am the fish, flopping on the deck of a sinking ship, waiting for the bow to break so that I may swim in the sea again.