my first day being happy
wow. i'm happy today. so happy i could just starve. i'm not hungry, i havent been hungry all day. but anyways. I had fun today. i had a good day filled with anticipation to get out of class and see my Sexy Sam... haha. i put his name in my phone like that. anyways. i walked with him home, and we made out... nothing special. i like the way he tastes. ummm... i owe him 2 pieces of clothing, from taking a drink from him. bur w/e. i dont mind. I like having a boyfriend. Its fun. It makes me feel good. Hmmm... I wonder if we'll last. I dont know if i want to. I mean, i see allllllll these ppl with long relationships, and supposed love. i never felt that. i never had that either. I guess it would be nice to find out wat its like to be 'loved' considering i've never been. but its not a bid deal to me. if i die in 30 years and never have been loved, i dont think it would hurt too bad. I dont really know... I just dont think i'd let myself be loved. I just do all this stupid shit to hurt myself, and weather or not its actual physical damage, or emotional damage, i do tend to cause my self pain. i like it. i dont know. i'm not gonna make a deal out of me and sam's relationship, because more than likely,
it will never last.
it will never last.