Slipping Into Darkness... Ch. 5

[o2binla]

Title: Slipping Into Darkness... Ch. 5
Description: Canon AU beginning in 1983; Jack leaves Texas instead of dying. 
Warnings: MO!Jack.  More Jack coping than just plain forgetting about Ennis, but this story includes an *explicit* non-J/E pairing, in this chapter.  Feel free to skip it if you hate that. 
Comments: Much appreciated. 
Disclaimer: Not

Comments

[bbm_citygirl]

Really excellent Lisa. You are doing a great job of conveying Jack's low grade depression and numbed bitterness. He's too exhausted and beaten down to even pitch a fit anymore over Ennis’s dispassionate response to the news about Jack’s surgery and the delay in seeing each other again. I think we like to believe that Ennis upon hearing that Jack is about to go under the knife would show more concern but when you take a hard cold look at the OS is there really signs that Ennis would have dropped everything to come to Jack’s aid? I don’t think so, thus how you created Ennis’s response is realistic rather than idealized. I also like the bit of stubborn streak Jack displays with his decision to not make a fool of himself by going to Riverton again. There is a certain stubbornness in Jack, he stubbornly clung to his dream in spite of all the evidence that it was foolhardy to do so, thus to have Jack’s stubbornness manifest it’s way in a different manner seems very realistic.

Your writing is excellent, you’re doing a great job of conveying mood , and you are “showing” rather than “telling” us Jack’s frame of mind and disposition.

[o2binla]

Thanks, I'm glad you like it! Jack would pitch a fit if he thought it would get him anywhere, but he knows it won't... As for Ennis, I'm not sure how much concern he'd be willing to show, and I figure he's pretty pretty freaked out about what Jack's new life might entail. I hadn't thought of Jack's reaction in terms of his stubborn streak, but you're right... he tries to keep his pride as intact, despite all the humiliation this relationship throws at him sometimes.