unusual
well, tonights events were very amusing. I went to jessicas house but tonight it was different. I met a really nice, cute college boy. He was such a gentleman. It was really nice and he wasnt such a bad kisser either. I was so happy when i got there to feel appreciated by the people there (besides steve), i was nice to him but he wasnt back, so i flipped. This was after my first 2 beers. after he left (cause he did just done remeber when) i got kinda drunk. It was so funny. I was runnin from jessica and i fell into her cats water dish cause i slipped on her floor in the kitchen tryin to climb over the couch. after that i jus kept on drinkin. It was fun. Anyways, this boys name is chris and he goes to college and i never gothis age but he was real real nice. Yea he was janelles friend. But i like goin to jessicas house, especially tonight cause we havd a long conversation after everyone left about me and her and stuff and it was nice. I love jess, she is the onlyone who is listening to me lately. I have felt so depressed lately and she made me feel like i wasnt alone, and that cutting myself isnt completely abnormal and that it helps it just isnt right. And i told her that she shouldnt cut herself. She is such a great person and it makes me feel bad when i see that cause i know what it feels like and anyone who has to go through that shouldnt be alone. But i am always here for her. we talked about my friends and stuff and how when i talk about something, they dont listen to me so i talked to her about how i've been depressed since like january and i cant seem to get rid of it and i just cover it up with a smile and that i cut myself not too long ago and she understood me. It felt nice to have someone to talk to tonight. I really like being around her, shes a good person. So thats it i guess, i had such a great night and day it was nice to finally feel like it was okay to smile and really mean it. My nephew played with sammies little brother today. They were funny together tho my nephew got his ass whipped by a lil 18-month-old. It was funny tho. I think im startin to feel a lil hurt by the fact that im leavin cause just now am i feeling the hurt of leaving the people who i think really care. Jessica made me realize that tonight. She doesnt understand how much that meant to me. She made me feel like people, someone actually wanted me to stay. So i think i can go to sleep tonigt with a clear mind and an little more twisted heart but it feels good to feel al ittle confused right now.