[fic] My Best Friend's Boyfriend - chapter 25
Chapter 25: The lunchbox
Weeks have passed peacefully each day. Although time is unbearably slow for the three of them, it has been nothing but peaceful. The guilt that was built to the highest extent has been slowly subsiding, leaving them a peaceful atmosphere. It was still clear that Changmin has been cold to them, making them wonder if they were forgiven or not. However, every time Yunho would talk to Changmin, most especially about work, Changmin would respond in a good way. Maybe not in a friendly way, but not in a mocking way either. That’s a good start.
Changmin made it clear that he has nothing to do with either Yunho or Jaejoong than boss and employee. Although sometimes, it feels really lonely in his apartment alone, Changmin composed himself to live with it. It felt extremely hard to cope up with the sudden change. One moment, he and Jaejoong were very much in love, clinging to each other’s body as it was their oxygen… and just in a span of five short months, many things happened, many things Changmin overlooked. In five very short months… allhe and Jaejoong had in five years… was completely thrown away in the back of the latter’s head.
Although it’s unbearably painful, Changmin forced himself to live with it. All the money he placed for the wedding preparations was turned to nothing… it only brought him pain. It wouldn’t hurt much if he came back finding them in bed… than he came back hoping to marry Jaejoong but finding them in bed. The hard stab in his heart was when Jaejoong honestly told him of his love felt for Yunho… and Yunho is spelt far differently from Changmin. Changmin gave out a breath he didn’t knew he was stopping for the past minutes. He smiled… it was rather hard to move on than to let go.
Coffeegirl: YAH!... feeling better now?
Changmin: yea. Thanks.
Coffeegirl: you know, if you want me to accompany you… I can fly there…
Changmin: yea right… but what about work?
Coffeegirl: who cares about work when I have a dying friend in Seoul??
Changmin: oh that’s just sweet but I’d rather be alone than see you again.
Coffeegirl: I humbly take that as you telling me “Plane ticket’s expensive. I’m fine thank you for worrying.”
Changmin: :DD not even close. How’s new York?
Coffeegirl: fine… busy… and boring…
Changmin: did you…
Coffeegirl: yep. Cancelled them all… called all the visitors. Everything’s not happening anymore…
Changmin: thanks, Sohee…
Coffeegirl: anytime boss. But… I thought everything was fine...
Cahngmin: many people die of wrong thoughts… Jaejoong and I are probably not really meant for each toehr.
Coffegirl: why didn’t you fight for him?
Changmin: I don’t give a damn with mushy conversations okay?
Coffeegirl: fine! By the way… the sales you left here… they’ve all been approved. We have their company merging with us next month. They said you were exceptionally gifted. They were impressed…. Oh by the way… did you change your username?
Changmin signed out.
“Aish! that kid!” Sohee said as she signed out as well and shuts her laptop. She pulled out her drawer and took one of the invitations lying unmoved there.
She sighed. She could remember how excited Changmin was to make the invitations, to plan the wedding and to buy the rings... not knowing what awaits him in Seoul. Sohee has treated Changmin like a brother and knowing how much Changmin loves Jaejoong makes her admire the man more. When it’s work, Changmin is extremely serious but when he’s out, he can be so childish. And knowing that Changmin is that kind of person made Sohee think that it must have been so hard for Changmin to take everything all in. Changmin felt so happy with all the preparations. Too happy that he always makes sure that everything is done as soon as possible so he can come home early. But still, he was too late.
When Changmin called her that night… that night when Changmin arrived at his apartment in Seoul… that night when Jaejoong left him… Sohee couldn’t help but want to hug the man, comfort him for it was her who saw all of Changmin’s efforts. But she couldn’t. all she could do is listen.
“I’m home.” Changmin whispered through the phone.
“Really?! So, did you plan how to propose to him?! have you met him? you should have fetched him from Yunho’s house? Oh gosh! I am so excited-“ Sohee replied literally jumping out to release her fangirl hormones.
“We broke up.” Changmin softly said, sounds of glasses clattering could be heard. Changmin is cleaning his mess.
“Excuse me?” Sohee asked… giggling nervously. “You’re joking right?”
“Yunho-hyung… and… Jaejoong are… together… and in love so I let him go.”
There was a short, painful silence that tore both their voices apart. Sohee couldn’t understand her mixed emotions… and couldn’t understand each words… rather, failed to try and understand.
“I-I…” Sohee mumbled.
“I love him so much.” Changmin said… biting his lips hard until it almost bled. “I love him…” then the tears he thought was long gone… is there again… making their way out of his eyes. And all Changmin could do is to hope… that as his tears flows freely, his anger and frustration will be washed away. Leaving nothing but his desire to move on.
They were indeed too happy that they couldn’t even think how they’ll end. That parting is impossible… but it happened. Sometimes, no matter how perfect two people can be, when you’re not meant to be, you are not meant to be. And what hurts there is not the fact that you were separated by the cruelty of fate but the fact that it is already gone but still, here you are not planning to let go and has no idea whatsoever of moving on either. Although you tried so hard to compose the word I’m letting you go… deep within your heart, you still haven’t.
Jaejoong forced his feet to reach the closing elevator towards the topmost floor. He needs to give Yunho the packed lunch and wanted to have lunch with him together. This sure has been hard but they planned not to allow each problem to tear them down. Besides, they have gone this far together… why would they stick out? They have all the reasons to stay and love each other every minute they can. They have hurt Changmin, sure. But they hurt him to be together. So they must not waste the pain they put Changmin through. How selfish can they be? How selfish can their love be? They both don’t know. But whether it’s wrong or right… they love each other. And nothing’s going to pull them apart.
“Hold it!” Jaejoong exclaimed, slipping his hands between the closing doors. The person inside the elevator pushed the button to open the door and as they were standing face to face, Jaejoong felt like he should have not caught the doors in the first place. There right before his eyes were Changmin’s piercing ones. The soft smiling eyes are long gone. The eyes that are always calm and happy. Not only did Jaejoong crush his heart… but Jaejoong also felt he crushed Changmin’s whole being.
“Coming in or not?” Changmin’s voice spoke.
“oh… I’m sorry.” Jaejoong said, tearing his eyes away from Changmin and entering the elevator.
Stupid elevator ride. It felt extremely suffocating for both of them. Jaejoong clutched the lunchbox tightly and bore a hole on the ground with his stare. His heart pounds in fear of what will happen… but most of all, it pounds hard because at the corner of his heart, he could feel Changmin’s pain. And it sure hurts too.
Although Changmin kept a straight and cold face, he knew inside himself that he wanted to grab Jaejoong and hug him tight until he’s breathing stopped. Changmin wanted to smile and to hold his hand securely… but he knew the spaces between their fingers won’t fit anymore. And that the once size of Jaejoong’s small body wouldn’t fit inside Changmin’s tight hands. Everything between him and Jaejoong is very loose, letting Jaejoong slips off easily. And it hurts to admit that.
Changmin bit his lip. Although he’s told Jaejoong that if Yunho hurts him, he will not be there to catch Jaejoong again… but in reality, Changmin is praying for Yunho to leave Jaejoong and by that, he’ll swallow all his words and will definitely catch Jaejoong with very open arms. The words he spat before, the harsh and sharp words he whispered to Jaejoong were all lies. He loves Jaejoong too much to throw him like that. Like he’s just a toy he easily lets go. But he is also weak whenever it comes to Jaejoong and Jaejoong’s happiness. He felt like his obsession to make Jaejoong happy is a virus eating him up. And so when Jaejoong said his unreasonable reasons for picking Yunho over Changmin who he’s been with for five years, Changmin felt like the “Jaejoong virus” has finally eaten him up. He felt like he lost himself… he lost everything… he felt lifeless... dead right there in the kitchen of his cold and lonely apartment.
Changmin held himself together and pushed away all his regrets of letting Jaejoong go that easy. It happened already. And Jaejoong seemed happy with Yunho.
“Lunchbox?” Changmin finally spoke. 20th floor is still a few minutes away. And for sure Jaejoong is about to go to the 24th floor where Yunho is.
Jaejoong clutches the lunchbox even tighter and nodded slightly. His voice taken away from him. his hands, sweaty. This lunchbox he prepared very early this morning. The lunch he prepared secretly from Yunho. He wanted to make Yunho smile since Jaejoong knew lately Yunho’s been hiding his stress. Work must have been a bum for him and he tries his best to come home for dinner with Jaejoong and make himself look as if he still has more energy to talk and just spend his time with Jaejoong. Jaejoong wanted to make Yunho smiled in the middle of his work so he cooked him a huge lunchbox, something he’s put almost all his effort for. The very special cooking he has ever done. And this is something he never did to Changmin.
“You really must have taken care of Yunho that good.” Changmin casually said. Not intending to compare Jaejoong when Jaejoong is still his and when Jaejoong is already Yunho’s. but his words made it sound like that.
Silence envelops the already awkward space inside the elevator. Changmin wanted to slap himself for saying that, glad that one second after, the elevator stopped. He looked at Jaejoong who finally lifted his head and looked at the opening doors. Immediately, Jaejoong pressed the door to close and pressed 25th floor. Changmin looked at Jaejoong with a confused face, and all Jaejoong did was held his arm tight, not wanting to let go. Changmin wanted to treasure their potentially last skin to skin interaction.
“We need to talk.” Jaejoong struggled to say that confidently. Although his voice sounded strong and commanding, the hand that held Changmin’s arm tight is trembling. Showing Changmin that it takes a lot of Jaejoong’s strength to do that very simple act.
As soon as the elevator opened, Jaejoong dragged Changmin towards the door at the end of the hall. The door leads to the rooftop of the building and it’s the very best place for them to talk alone. As they reached the rooftop a strong wind blew on them… from there, you can see the whole Seoul. The busy place that surrounds the three of them. And right there, in the company where all the three of them are standing at right that very moment, began the unexpected change of their lives.
Changmin couldn’t help but think, has he lack something? All this while, he only thought of Jaejoong’s and Yunho’s welfare. He loves Jaejoong and he wants Jaejoong to be happy. If he can, he wants Jaejoong to be the happiest man on earth. And Yunho, it was a big risk already for Changmin to leave Jaejoong behind with all the uncertainties. Thinking that Jaejoong is not used to being left alone. Who will prepare the bed for him? Who will rub his hair to fall asleep? But for the sake of Yunho and his much needed rest, he still left Seoul. in five months. He did that for five months. He trusted both of them for five short months, but the fact that Jaejoong and Yunho may fall in love with each other… that is what Changmin was able to overlook. He trusted them too much. Too much that it hurts just as much to be betrayed just like that.
“So?” Changmin said as soon as Jaejoong let go of his arm.
“About what happened.” Jaejoong spoke.
“About betraying me and coming to Yunho?” Changmin mocked as he leans on the railings to look at Seoul. “There’s nothing to explain. It’s partly my fault.” He continued, this time looking at Jaejoong. “I trusted both of you too much.”
“Changmin, I’m really sorry.” Jaejoong’s eyes pleaded. “I don’t know how everything started. It was different-“
“Then why did you fall in love if it was different?” Changmin cut in.
Jaejoong bit his lips, wishing that the floor will eat him up. “Yunho is… exactly different from you-“ Changmin opened his mouth but was cut by Jaejoong, “Listen to me first.” Then Changmin closed his mouth and opened his ear. Preparing to hear every word, preparing his heart of any more damage, and finally fixing his eyes on the busy road of Seoul. hoping that his mind will just wander out but no… as much as he wants to shut himself down now, his brain seems like it wants to hear what Jaejoong wanted to say.”You’re a prince. In all those fairy tales. You were a perfect lover and you really made me happy. I really loved you.” Loved (something done in the past).
“Yunho has his life walking on the piles of paper. He’s contented working in every hour he can. While you, you are contended in making me happy in any ways you can. And I highly appreciate that. Seriously. I was thinking of you everyday since you left… until…”
“Until one morning you woke up, and realized that you need to stop thinking of me?” Changmin spat… anger rising up again. Heart slowly breaking apart.
“no… it’s not that.” Jaejoong said, hugging the lunchbox and looking down again. The strength he has when he held Changmin’s arm is subsiding faster than he expected. His eyes welling up with tears. “I came to know and understand him. His affection towards me is something very different. And I know it’s bad that I am comparing… but I couldn’t help it. Yunho is not afraid of hurting my feelings because he knew I will learn something from it too. Unintentionally, he gets closer to other people and it makes me jealous… something that is very new to me. When he’s not around, I feel extremely worried. He taught me a lot of emotions that were new to me. Very new to me to the point that I didn’t know what to do already. I didn’t know… but spending time with Yunho… feeling all those stuff with Yunho… makes me understand the difference between love and infat-“
Changmin grabbed the lunchbox Jaejoong is holding and finally… finally not able to stop himself, prevent his urges to blow out… he pulled Jaejoong and hugged him tight. So tight that made Jaejoong’s tears, those he’s trying so hard to stop from falling, fall. One right after another. He snaked his hands on Changmin’s body… he grew… and sobbed out the words… “I really… didn’t mean to fall for him… but… i… d… do… not…. Re… gret it. I’m really sorry.” he sobbed pressing his face deep into Changmin’s tightening chest… his tears leaking out uncontrollably. “I know it’s wrong. And it’s completely our fault we hid it from you. We could have just told you we were in love. But I told him not to because I want you to know personally. Not because I want to hurt you more. But I want you to hurt me if it’s gonna help. I know this is bad. That I have been selfish. That this will break your heart. You have been nothing but very good to us. Too good that it kills us with guilt. But even though my own self is eating me up… I couldn’t stop loving Yunho. It’s my fault. I am to blame.”
Changmin smirked as he held onto Jaejoong tighter, his eyes looking at the lunchbox he’s holding. “You must have fallen so deep.” He said.
Finally understanding what he lacks.
He was wrong in almost everything. Being perfect is not only being good. If it’s being good only, then why is there bad? Who says nobody is perfect? Is being perfect only referring to the state of complete absence of wrongs? Then why do they say that sometimes we need mistakes to learn? I personally think that we need to feel both happy and sad. Everything in this world should be in complete equilibrium. And that’s what makes this world perfect. Everyone needs pain to be stronger. Everyone needs happiness to be satisfied. And Changmin… it would rather be good to say he’s 100% imperfect than what Jaejoong said, that Changmin and everything he felt with Changmin is too perfect… making it almost unreal. He settled his and Jaejoong’s life only into the good side of love.
Changmin patted Jaejoong’s head before pulling their bodies away. He handed the lunchbox to Jaejoong and gave a very faint smile. “Yunho loves chickens.” He said ruffling Jaejoong’s hair. “I hope every dish inside this is chicken or else he will not eat it whole heartedly.” He delivered his joke into a rather pained tone. He gave a big sigh. Before finally smiling. “Best of luck.” He said before leaving Jaejoong who is still crying, watching Changmin’s back as it moved away from him. leaving him. forgiving him. letting him go for real. “By the way, it’s still the same. I may have forgiven you. But I still wouldn’t catch you back in case he leaves you.” He said, his voice determined to let go of Jaejoong and every hopes and chances of them getting together. All he need is Jaejoong’s determination to end everything. And he did. That’s a go signal for him to… move on.
Jaejoong bit his lips, tears still streaming down on his red cheeks. He held the lunchbox tightly and mouthed “thank you, Changmin-ah.” Changmin’s back disappeared to the door and another wind blew pass Jaejoong. As he walk down the the office of the president, he will surely face Yunho with wide smiles. There is still guilt though, and it’s not something that they will erase. It will remained right there in the corners of their hearts. But Jaejoong knew… that neither he nor Yunho will let that guilt affect their relationship. Jaejoong knew.
A/N: PERFECTION AS MENTIONED IS MY OWN OPINION. WHICH I KNOW AS 100% epic fail!
Sorry!!! sorry!! Sorry!!! sorry!! Sorry!!! sorry!! Sorry!!! sorry!! I am not going to sing sorry sorry of suju because I am seriously sorry! this post should have been up yesterday afternoon and I should be posting if I could I want to say it one more time now but I dunno what’s wrong with internet connection in my laptop that’s why I wasn’t able to do it. And also I have tons of rushed homeworks to do yesterday… and because I am trying my best to finish this as soon as possible, I am cutting out my homework-allotted time now.. XD (PLEASE DO NOT FOLLOW ME!!!! XD HAHAHA THIS IS A VERY BAD THING TO DO!) anyway… I hope everyone finally agrees with why Changmin wholeheartedly let jae go. xD
Another thing, as I was deciding the ending of the fic… I noticed something. Remember I posted the chapter titles-slash-summary of mbfbf right? I made some changes… well big chances since it wouldn’t fit the ending if it will remain the way I first decided it. But nonetheless, I am seriously putting all my heart, mind, soul and fingers (for typing) in this chapter. Bear with me… xD it’s almost there. Seriously. xD although I am feeling bad each chapter (more like… I am not satisfied with my work… T_T I keep thinking it’s getting awful each word… T_T) and I came to a point when I don’t want to continue anymore… =.= but I will. xD and I will do my best to make it worth your wait… time… and ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO COMMENT …. HARD WORK on telling me how much this fic affects you… xD I am happy to know I can deliver these emotions to your hearts. ^^.
WOW! I felt like I just wrote the ending??? That’s a long author’s note! Lol… xD
-yours very truly,
Yani… xD I LOVE EVERYONE!!!!
CHAPTER 26: THE BLACK MARKET.
“Yunho! Yunho!” Jaejoong said, banging his swollen fists on Yunho’s locked doors. “YUNHO!!!” Jaejoong shouted, feeling his throat scratched and itchy but still hopes his words would penetrate through the thick wood. “please…” Jaejoong said losing his strength to keep on punching. “please… listen to me…” he said, his tears falling down one by one, his forehead pressed on the wall. “I love you.” He whispered, sliding down to regain some strength. And finally kneeling on the floor outside Yunho’s apartment.
And behind that verY door, yunho’s back is pressed. He sat on the floor, legs spread and body tired. His face drenched in tears. “I don’t love you.” He said, leaning his head back to rest on the banging door. “leave me now.” he whispered softly. “You have no room in my life anymore.” He wanted to shout… but his words… and Jaejoong’s audible sobs from the other side… melted every notes of his voice.
Weeks have passed peacefully each day. Although time is unbearably slow for the three of them, it has been nothing but peaceful. The guilt that was built to the highest extent has been slowly subsiding, leaving them a peaceful atmosphere. It was still clear that Changmin has been cold to them, making them wonder if they were forgiven or not. However, every time Yunho would talk to Changmin, most especially about work, Changmin would respond in a good way. Maybe not in a friendly way, but not in a mocking way either. That’s a good start.
Changmin made it clear that he has nothing to do with either Yunho or Jaejoong than boss and employee. Although sometimes, it feels really lonely in his apartment alone, Changmin composed himself to live with it. It felt extremely hard to cope up with the sudden change. One moment, he and Jaejoong were very much in love, clinging to each other’s body as it was their oxygen… and just in a span of five short months, many things happened, many things Changmin overlooked. In five very short months… allhe and Jaejoong had in five years… was completely thrown away in the back of the latter’s head.
Although it’s unbearably painful, Changmin forced himself to live with it. All the money he placed for the wedding preparations was turned to nothing… it only brought him pain. It wouldn’t hurt much if he came back finding them in bed… than he came back hoping to marry Jaejoong but finding them in bed. The hard stab in his heart was when Jaejoong honestly told him of his love felt for Yunho… and Yunho is spelt far differently from Changmin. Changmin gave out a breath he didn’t knew he was stopping for the past minutes. He smiled… it was rather hard to move on than to let go.
Coffeegirl: YAH!... feeling better now?
Changmin: yea. Thanks.
Coffeegirl: you know, if you want me to accompany you… I can fly there…
Changmin: yea right… but what about work?
Coffeegirl: who cares about work when I have a dying friend in Seoul??
Changmin: oh that’s just sweet but I’d rather be alone than see you again.
Coffeegirl: I humbly take that as you telling me “Plane ticket’s expensive. I’m fine thank you for worrying.”
Changmin: :DD not even close. How’s new York?
Coffeegirl: fine… busy… and boring…
Changmin: did you…
Coffeegirl: yep. Cancelled them all… called all the visitors. Everything’s not happening anymore…
Changmin: thanks, Sohee…
Coffeegirl: anytime boss. But… I thought everything was fine...
Cahngmin: many people die of wrong thoughts… Jaejoong and I are probably not really meant for each toehr.
Coffegirl: why didn’t you fight for him?
Changmin: I don’t give a damn with mushy conversations okay?
Coffeegirl: fine! By the way… the sales you left here… they’ve all been approved. We have their company merging with us next month. They said you were exceptionally gifted. They were impressed…. Oh by the way… did you change your username?
Changmin signed out.
“Aish! that kid!” Sohee said as she signed out as well and shuts her laptop. She pulled out her drawer and took one of the invitations lying unmoved there.
She sighed. She could remember how excited Changmin was to make the invitations, to plan the wedding and to buy the rings... not knowing what awaits him in Seoul. Sohee has treated Changmin like a brother and knowing how much Changmin loves Jaejoong makes her admire the man more. When it’s work, Changmin is extremely serious but when he’s out, he can be so childish. And knowing that Changmin is that kind of person made Sohee think that it must have been so hard for Changmin to take everything all in. Changmin felt so happy with all the preparations. Too happy that he always makes sure that everything is done as soon as possible so he can come home early. But still, he was too late.
When Changmin called her that night… that night when Changmin arrived at his apartment in Seoul… that night when Jaejoong left him… Sohee couldn’t help but want to hug the man, comfort him for it was her who saw all of Changmin’s efforts. But she couldn’t. all she could do is listen.
“I’m home.” Changmin whispered through the phone.
“Really?! So, did you plan how to propose to him?! have you met him? you should have fetched him from Yunho’s house? Oh gosh! I am so excited-“ Sohee replied literally jumping out to release her fangirl hormones.
“We broke up.” Changmin softly said, sounds of glasses clattering could be heard. Changmin is cleaning his mess.
“Excuse me?” Sohee asked… giggling nervously. “You’re joking right?”
“Yunho-hyung… and… Jaejoong are… together… and in love so I let him go.”
There was a short, painful silence that tore both their voices apart. Sohee couldn’t understand her mixed emotions… and couldn’t understand each words… rather, failed to try and understand.
“I-I…” Sohee mumbled.
“I love him so much.” Changmin said… biting his lips hard until it almost bled. “I love him…” then the tears he thought was long gone… is there again… making their way out of his eyes. And all Changmin could do is to hope… that as his tears flows freely, his anger and frustration will be washed away. Leaving nothing but his desire to move on.
They were indeed too happy that they couldn’t even think how they’ll end. That parting is impossible… but it happened. Sometimes, no matter how perfect two people can be, when you’re not meant to be, you are not meant to be. And what hurts there is not the fact that you were separated by the cruelty of fate but the fact that it is already gone but still, here you are not planning to let go and has no idea whatsoever of moving on either. Although you tried so hard to compose the word I’m letting you go… deep within your heart, you still haven’t.
Jaejoong forced his feet to reach the closing elevator towards the topmost floor. He needs to give Yunho the packed lunch and wanted to have lunch with him together. This sure has been hard but they planned not to allow each problem to tear them down. Besides, they have gone this far together… why would they stick out? They have all the reasons to stay and love each other every minute they can. They have hurt Changmin, sure. But they hurt him to be together. So they must not waste the pain they put Changmin through. How selfish can they be? How selfish can their love be? They both don’t know. But whether it’s wrong or right… they love each other. And nothing’s going to pull them apart.
“Hold it!” Jaejoong exclaimed, slipping his hands between the closing doors. The person inside the elevator pushed the button to open the door and as they were standing face to face, Jaejoong felt like he should have not caught the doors in the first place. There right before his eyes were Changmin’s piercing ones. The soft smiling eyes are long gone. The eyes that are always calm and happy. Not only did Jaejoong crush his heart… but Jaejoong also felt he crushed Changmin’s whole being.
“Coming in or not?” Changmin’s voice spoke.
“oh… I’m sorry.” Jaejoong said, tearing his eyes away from Changmin and entering the elevator.
Stupid elevator ride. It felt extremely suffocating for both of them. Jaejoong clutched the lunchbox tightly and bore a hole on the ground with his stare. His heart pounds in fear of what will happen… but most of all, it pounds hard because at the corner of his heart, he could feel Changmin’s pain. And it sure hurts too.
Although Changmin kept a straight and cold face, he knew inside himself that he wanted to grab Jaejoong and hug him tight until he’s breathing stopped. Changmin wanted to smile and to hold his hand securely… but he knew the spaces between their fingers won’t fit anymore. And that the once size of Jaejoong’s small body wouldn’t fit inside Changmin’s tight hands. Everything between him and Jaejoong is very loose, letting Jaejoong slips off easily. And it hurts to admit that.
Changmin bit his lip. Although he’s told Jaejoong that if Yunho hurts him, he will not be there to catch Jaejoong again… but in reality, Changmin is praying for Yunho to leave Jaejoong and by that, he’ll swallow all his words and will definitely catch Jaejoong with very open arms. The words he spat before, the harsh and sharp words he whispered to Jaejoong were all lies. He loves Jaejoong too much to throw him like that. Like he’s just a toy he easily lets go. But he is also weak whenever it comes to Jaejoong and Jaejoong’s happiness. He felt like his obsession to make Jaejoong happy is a virus eating him up. And so when Jaejoong said his unreasonable reasons for picking Yunho over Changmin who he’s been with for five years, Changmin felt like the “Jaejoong virus” has finally eaten him up. He felt like he lost himself… he lost everything… he felt lifeless... dead right there in the kitchen of his cold and lonely apartment.
Changmin held himself together and pushed away all his regrets of letting Jaejoong go that easy. It happened already. And Jaejoong seemed happy with Yunho.
“Lunchbox?” Changmin finally spoke. 20th floor is still a few minutes away. And for sure Jaejoong is about to go to the 24th floor where Yunho is.
Jaejoong clutches the lunchbox even tighter and nodded slightly. His voice taken away from him. his hands, sweaty. This lunchbox he prepared very early this morning. The lunch he prepared secretly from Yunho. He wanted to make Yunho smile since Jaejoong knew lately Yunho’s been hiding his stress. Work must have been a bum for him and he tries his best to come home for dinner with Jaejoong and make himself look as if he still has more energy to talk and just spend his time with Jaejoong. Jaejoong wanted to make Yunho smiled in the middle of his work so he cooked him a huge lunchbox, something he’s put almost all his effort for. The very special cooking he has ever done. And this is something he never did to Changmin.
“You really must have taken care of Yunho that good.” Changmin casually said. Not intending to compare Jaejoong when Jaejoong is still his and when Jaejoong is already Yunho’s. but his words made it sound like that.
Silence envelops the already awkward space inside the elevator. Changmin wanted to slap himself for saying that, glad that one second after, the elevator stopped. He looked at Jaejoong who finally lifted his head and looked at the opening doors. Immediately, Jaejoong pressed the door to close and pressed 25th floor. Changmin looked at Jaejoong with a confused face, and all Jaejoong did was held his arm tight, not wanting to let go. Changmin wanted to treasure their potentially last skin to skin interaction.
“We need to talk.” Jaejoong struggled to say that confidently. Although his voice sounded strong and commanding, the hand that held Changmin’s arm tight is trembling. Showing Changmin that it takes a lot of Jaejoong’s strength to do that very simple act.
As soon as the elevator opened, Jaejoong dragged Changmin towards the door at the end of the hall. The door leads to the rooftop of the building and it’s the very best place for them to talk alone. As they reached the rooftop a strong wind blew on them… from there, you can see the whole Seoul. The busy place that surrounds the three of them. And right there, in the company where all the three of them are standing at right that very moment, began the unexpected change of their lives.
Changmin couldn’t help but think, has he lack something? All this while, he only thought of Jaejoong’s and Yunho’s welfare. He loves Jaejoong and he wants Jaejoong to be happy. If he can, he wants Jaejoong to be the happiest man on earth. And Yunho, it was a big risk already for Changmin to leave Jaejoong behind with all the uncertainties. Thinking that Jaejoong is not used to being left alone. Who will prepare the bed for him? Who will rub his hair to fall asleep? But for the sake of Yunho and his much needed rest, he still left Seoul. in five months. He did that for five months. He trusted both of them for five short months, but the fact that Jaejoong and Yunho may fall in love with each other… that is what Changmin was able to overlook. He trusted them too much. Too much that it hurts just as much to be betrayed just like that.
“So?” Changmin said as soon as Jaejoong let go of his arm.
“About what happened.” Jaejoong spoke.
“About betraying me and coming to Yunho?” Changmin mocked as he leans on the railings to look at Seoul. “There’s nothing to explain. It’s partly my fault.” He continued, this time looking at Jaejoong. “I trusted both of you too much.”
“Changmin, I’m really sorry.” Jaejoong’s eyes pleaded. “I don’t know how everything started. It was different-“
“Then why did you fall in love if it was different?” Changmin cut in.
Jaejoong bit his lips, wishing that the floor will eat him up. “Yunho is… exactly different from you-“ Changmin opened his mouth but was cut by Jaejoong, “Listen to me first.” Then Changmin closed his mouth and opened his ear. Preparing to hear every word, preparing his heart of any more damage, and finally fixing his eyes on the busy road of Seoul. hoping that his mind will just wander out but no… as much as he wants to shut himself down now, his brain seems like it wants to hear what Jaejoong wanted to say.”You’re a prince. In all those fairy tales. You were a perfect lover and you really made me happy. I really loved you.” Loved (something done in the past).
“Yunho has his life walking on the piles of paper. He’s contented working in every hour he can. While you, you are contended in making me happy in any ways you can. And I highly appreciate that. Seriously. I was thinking of you everyday since you left… until…”
“Until one morning you woke up, and realized that you need to stop thinking of me?” Changmin spat… anger rising up again. Heart slowly breaking apart.
“no… it’s not that.” Jaejoong said, hugging the lunchbox and looking down again. The strength he has when he held Changmin’s arm is subsiding faster than he expected. His eyes welling up with tears. “I came to know and understand him. His affection towards me is something very different. And I know it’s bad that I am comparing… but I couldn’t help it. Yunho is not afraid of hurting my feelings because he knew I will learn something from it too. Unintentionally, he gets closer to other people and it makes me jealous… something that is very new to me. When he’s not around, I feel extremely worried. He taught me a lot of emotions that were new to me. Very new to me to the point that I didn’t know what to do already. I didn’t know… but spending time with Yunho… feeling all those stuff with Yunho… makes me understand the difference between love and infat-“
Changmin grabbed the lunchbox Jaejoong is holding and finally… finally not able to stop himself, prevent his urges to blow out… he pulled Jaejoong and hugged him tight. So tight that made Jaejoong’s tears, those he’s trying so hard to stop from falling, fall. One right after another. He snaked his hands on Changmin’s body… he grew… and sobbed out the words… “I really… didn’t mean to fall for him… but… i… d… do… not…. Re… gret it. I’m really sorry.” he sobbed pressing his face deep into Changmin’s tightening chest… his tears leaking out uncontrollably. “I know it’s wrong. And it’s completely our fault we hid it from you. We could have just told you we were in love. But I told him not to because I want you to know personally. Not because I want to hurt you more. But I want you to hurt me if it’s gonna help. I know this is bad. That I have been selfish. That this will break your heart. You have been nothing but very good to us. Too good that it kills us with guilt. But even though my own self is eating me up… I couldn’t stop loving Yunho. It’s my fault. I am to blame.”
Changmin smirked as he held onto Jaejoong tighter, his eyes looking at the lunchbox he’s holding. “You must have fallen so deep.” He said.
Finally understanding what he lacks.
He was wrong in almost everything. Being perfect is not only being good. If it’s being good only, then why is there bad? Who says nobody is perfect? Is being perfect only referring to the state of complete absence of wrongs? Then why do they say that sometimes we need mistakes to learn? I personally think that we need to feel both happy and sad. Everything in this world should be in complete equilibrium. And that’s what makes this world perfect. Everyone needs pain to be stronger. Everyone needs happiness to be satisfied. And Changmin… it would rather be good to say he’s 100% imperfect than what Jaejoong said, that Changmin and everything he felt with Changmin is too perfect… making it almost unreal. He settled his and Jaejoong’s life only into the good side of love.
Changmin patted Jaejoong’s head before pulling their bodies away. He handed the lunchbox to Jaejoong and gave a very faint smile. “Yunho loves chickens.” He said ruffling Jaejoong’s hair. “I hope every dish inside this is chicken or else he will not eat it whole heartedly.” He delivered his joke into a rather pained tone. He gave a big sigh. Before finally smiling. “Best of luck.” He said before leaving Jaejoong who is still crying, watching Changmin’s back as it moved away from him. leaving him. forgiving him. letting him go for real. “By the way, it’s still the same. I may have forgiven you. But I still wouldn’t catch you back in case he leaves you.” He said, his voice determined to let go of Jaejoong and every hopes and chances of them getting together. All he need is Jaejoong’s determination to end everything. And he did. That’s a go signal for him to… move on.
Jaejoong bit his lips, tears still streaming down on his red cheeks. He held the lunchbox tightly and mouthed “thank you, Changmin-ah.” Changmin’s back disappeared to the door and another wind blew pass Jaejoong. As he walk down the the office of the president, he will surely face Yunho with wide smiles. There is still guilt though, and it’s not something that they will erase. It will remained right there in the corners of their hearts. But Jaejoong knew… that neither he nor Yunho will let that guilt affect their relationship. Jaejoong knew.
A/N: PERFECTION AS MENTIONED IS MY OWN OPINION. WHICH I KNOW AS 100% epic fail!
Sorry!!! sorry!! Sorry!!! sorry!! Sorry!!! sorry!! Sorry!!! sorry!! I am not going to sing sorry sorry of suju because I am seriously sorry! this post should have been up yesterday afternoon and I should be posting if I could I want to say it one more time now but I dunno what’s wrong with internet connection in my laptop that’s why I wasn’t able to do it. And also I have tons of rushed homeworks to do yesterday… and because I am trying my best to finish this as soon as possible, I am cutting out my homework-allotted time now.. XD (PLEASE DO NOT FOLLOW ME!!!! XD HAHAHA THIS IS A VERY BAD THING TO DO!) anyway… I hope everyone finally agrees with why Changmin wholeheartedly let jae go. xD
Another thing, as I was deciding the ending of the fic… I noticed something. Remember I posted the chapter titles-slash-summary of mbfbf right? I made some changes… well big chances since it wouldn’t fit the ending if it will remain the way I first decided it. But nonetheless, I am seriously putting all my heart, mind, soul and fingers (for typing) in this chapter. Bear with me… xD it’s almost there. Seriously. xD although I am feeling bad each chapter (more like… I am not satisfied with my work… T_T I keep thinking it’s getting awful each word… T_T) and I came to a point when I don’t want to continue anymore… =.= but I will. xD and I will do my best to make it worth your wait… time… and ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE WHO COMMENT …. HARD WORK on telling me how much this fic affects you… xD I am happy to know I can deliver these emotions to your hearts. ^^.
WOW! I felt like I just wrote the ending??? That’s a long author’s note! Lol… xD
-yours very truly,
Yani… xD I LOVE EVERYONE!!!!
CHAPTER 26: THE BLACK MARKET.
“Yunho! Yunho!” Jaejoong said, banging his swollen fists on Yunho’s locked doors. “YUNHO!!!” Jaejoong shouted, feeling his throat scratched and itchy but still hopes his words would penetrate through the thick wood. “please…” Jaejoong said losing his strength to keep on punching. “please… listen to me…” he said, his tears falling down one by one, his forehead pressed on the wall. “I love you.” He whispered, sliding down to regain some strength. And finally kneeling on the floor outside Yunho’s apartment.
And behind that verY door, yunho’s back is pressed. He sat on the floor, legs spread and body tired. His face drenched in tears. “I don’t love you.” He said, leaning his head back to rest on the banging door. “leave me now.” he whispered softly. “You have no room in my life anymore.” He wanted to shout… but his words… and Jaejoong’s audible sobs from the other side… melted every notes of his voice.