It's alive! Alive!!!
Well, sort of. More alive than I have been for a while =P I stopped the new medication yesterday and today is the first day I have felt moderately human for the last 2 weeks. Actually, I am a little tired, but otherwise I feel pretty good. I don't understand why doctor's cause all these problems and then they are all like "Nooo! It wasn't us! It was...a coincidence!" Whateva, seacow.
So hopefully Mike and I will be going to Montreal tomorrow, but he is awefully sick. I just want to cuddle him and take care of him when he's like that, and he has been obliging me to some degree, even though he hates being taken care of for the most part. He has let me feed him and cuddle him and coo over him without complaint...It's nice, since my maternal instincts kick into overdrive when he doesn't feel well. So now he's trying to decide whether he can either drive to Montreal, or ride in a car for that long. I am trying not to push him to go, but he actually seems to want to. He says at the very least I can go out and do fun stuff while he sits in the room and mopes O.o
It's really quite shocking to me to see how much a medication can alter your perceptions of the world around you. I cannot believe what a fog I have been living in for the past 2 weeks, or how quickly I have been able to shake the cobwebs out of my head. It's hard to live like that when you can see that your personality isn't really you, and you know how it should be, but everything just feels all wrong. The most frustrating part for me is not being able to communicate effectively, I think. The overwhelming feeling that, no matter how much I try to explain, I am just not getting my point across. It's hard to explain to someone "I feel like a crazy person right now!!" and have them take you seriously. Or think you aren't just crazy. And it's scary to have to say "I feel crazy" knowing full well that the "experts" (i.e. doctors) may just say "noooo! you were always crazy! It wasn't us!"
I think this is probably still rambling and incoherent, so it is possible that my communications skills have not yet returned to their full capacity. I can use words with more than one syllable now though! And I can string together thoughts to come to conclusions! It's all very very exciting =P *giggles* It is so sad how exciting it is actually.
So anywho, to summarize: Almost alive again, not on fire, driving with the brain fog lights on, hoping to escape for the weekend.
Now, I am going to go play some Guild Wars, and assassinate some Jade Brotherhood ass.
So hopefully Mike and I will be going to Montreal tomorrow, but he is awefully sick. I just want to cuddle him and take care of him when he's like that, and he has been obliging me to some degree, even though he hates being taken care of for the most part. He has let me feed him and cuddle him and coo over him without complaint...It's nice, since my maternal instincts kick into overdrive when he doesn't feel well. So now he's trying to decide whether he can either drive to Montreal, or ride in a car for that long. I am trying not to push him to go, but he actually seems to want to. He says at the very least I can go out and do fun stuff while he sits in the room and mopes O.o
It's really quite shocking to me to see how much a medication can alter your perceptions of the world around you. I cannot believe what a fog I have been living in for the past 2 weeks, or how quickly I have been able to shake the cobwebs out of my head. It's hard to live like that when you can see that your personality isn't really you, and you know how it should be, but everything just feels all wrong. The most frustrating part for me is not being able to communicate effectively, I think. The overwhelming feeling that, no matter how much I try to explain, I am just not getting my point across. It's hard to explain to someone "I feel like a crazy person right now!!" and have them take you seriously. Or think you aren't just crazy. And it's scary to have to say "I feel crazy" knowing full well that the "experts" (i.e. doctors) may just say "noooo! you were always crazy! It wasn't us!"
I think this is probably still rambling and incoherent, so it is possible that my communications skills have not yet returned to their full capacity. I can use words with more than one syllable now though! And I can string together thoughts to come to conclusions! It's all very very exciting =P *giggles* It is so sad how exciting it is actually.
So anywho, to summarize: Almost alive again, not on fire, driving with the brain fog lights on, hoping to escape for the weekend.
Now, I am going to go play some Guild Wars, and assassinate some Jade Brotherhood ass.