Shut your mouth...
How do you do that when you just feel like screaming at the top of your lungs about how wrong it all is? Is that what being a grown up is? Just shutting up and accepting all the things that suck because you can't do anything about them? I know that many of my younger friends will say "No! Fight for what you believe in!" But it's not always that easy. And I would love to be able to stand up and fight for everything I thought was right, but...there's just too many things in the world that need fixing. Even just trying to focus on my own life, there are too many things that need fixing.
Anyway, the point is that I think I may be getting jaded and cynical about life. And that sucks. But I think it's also part of life. And that also sucks. I don't want to accept that my life can't be just the way I want it to be. I don't want to believe that there are things I can't accomplish if I really try. I don't want to believe that there are dreams I have that can't come true even if I want them badly enough. I don't want to grow up. I want to sit on the floor and have a tantrum until it is all the way I want it to be.
I think this is the root of my problem right now. My rebellion at the unfairness of the world. I have never really had to deal with it before...I have always been able to accomplish my goals. Now I feel like I can't, and I can't even pick some new ones to move towards. I feel...stagnant. And trapped. And tied to my life. And I HATE that. Just ask anyone who has helped me move once a year =P
I thought that maybe I should go live in a cave for the rest of my life, but I see now that I wouldn't be happy with that either. Because I would have to stay still, and stay in that same cave. And I need to roam. So I should really be a nomadic hermit. Maybe that's the way to go. Buy myself a horse, and wander the country =P
bleh. maybe i'm just emotionally constipated. you know, don't force it, just let it slide out and all that.
"Shut your mouth
Try not to panic
Just shut your mouth
If you can do it " ~Garbage Shut Your Mouth
Anyway, the point is that I think I may be getting jaded and cynical about life. And that sucks. But I think it's also part of life. And that also sucks. I don't want to accept that my life can't be just the way I want it to be. I don't want to believe that there are things I can't accomplish if I really try. I don't want to believe that there are dreams I have that can't come true even if I want them badly enough. I don't want to grow up. I want to sit on the floor and have a tantrum until it is all the way I want it to be.
I think this is the root of my problem right now. My rebellion at the unfairness of the world. I have never really had to deal with it before...I have always been able to accomplish my goals. Now I feel like I can't, and I can't even pick some new ones to move towards. I feel...stagnant. And trapped. And tied to my life. And I HATE that. Just ask anyone who has helped me move once a year =P
I thought that maybe I should go live in a cave for the rest of my life, but I see now that I wouldn't be happy with that either. Because I would have to stay still, and stay in that same cave. And I need to roam. So I should really be a nomadic hermit. Maybe that's the way to go. Buy myself a horse, and wander the country =P
bleh. maybe i'm just emotionally constipated. you know, don't force it, just let it slide out and all that.
"Shut your mouth
Try not to panic
Just shut your mouth
If you can do it " ~Garbage Shut Your Mouth