Fuck
Why do I bother? I came back, I was trying to make things work, I was under the impression that that's what he wanted since he fucking begged me back, and then while cleaning I find a letter from his 'friend' to him in AIT telling him that she AGREES he should divorce me. Excuse me? What the hell did I do? I was fucking sitting at home at his parents house, completely miserable, waiting for him to come home, I didn't talk to nobody, I didn't go anywhere, I didn't do anything. What on Earth could I have done? That's what she said, that she (meaning me) had to learn she can't do this shit anymore, that we're married, not dating, and I had to realize that. But I didn't do anything! Ever. I sat at home, I waited for him to call, I wrote him letters, I took care of his children. Why isn't it good enough, what could I have done, I don't understand. I feel like I'm living with a total stranger. I have no one to turn to, to talk to. I'm alone, I'm down here waiting on some asshole who actually DID plan on divorcing me before, and my stupid ass didn't know it. I cannot believe I waste my time. He never talks to me, he never tells me what's going on in his head, I try to talk to him and all he does is get pissy and offended. That or just pretends to agree and then apparently rants to his friends and MINE about me. What the hell, do I have FUCK ME OVER written on my god damned forehead??? What is his problem? If anyone should be suspicious here, it should be me of him, but I'm not, 'cause THAT'S what a marriage is, it's trust! Fucking trust! And I've NEVER had it. Now I know that. What he's done is alright, because we weren't married then accordign to him, but even when I DON'T do something, he's suspicious, because we're MARRIED. He keeps stressing that with me. We're married you can't do that. Yeah, I got it motherfucker, I'm not stupid, not am I devious, so what the hell? God, my stomach is twitsting in knots. It hurts. I need to go.
I don't know you, but I think I love you.
*Proably more than my own husband*
I don't know you, but I think I love you.
*Proably more than my own husband*