(no subject)
I feel like a wee bit of a hypocrite. Writing on minna's journal about how to stay positive and upbeat and focus on the good things instead of the bad. But I also did say that I understand when we need to wallow in self pity on occasion. This weekend was definitely my wallow in self pity weekend.
It started out Friday. About two hours before our date, "ice cream" called to cancel. Apparently he was sick. Tried to get himself better during the day but just wasn't kicking it. I said it was fine and carried on with my evening. But then I was on POF and I saw that he was online too. I know, I know, I can't judge too much because clearly I was online as well. But I got annoyed that he was on when he had just cancelled our date. I started to wonder if he was legitimately sick or if he was lying to get out of the date. So I had a reeeeeallllly depressing evening of whining and feeling sorry for myself. I didn't cry though. I managed that much! I ended up going over to my parent's place and watched the Canucks game (which was awesome in the end!! GO GRABNER!!) and ate their food. I just felt lame because I'm almost 27 years old and I'm still leaning heavily on my parents when I'm down or have no one else to hang out with. My Mom loves it, but….I dunno. I should have taken a sip out of the hard tap and dealt with my woes on my own.
Then Saturday rolled around. I got up early and shoved about 10 bags of clothes and shoes, one big container full of books, and some other crap into the car and went to the salvation army. It took awhile to get rid of it all but it was like a big weight off my mind. Meg and I were meant to go together to do it but I figured I was on a roll/role (?) and just went with it. Then I picked up Minna and we went to the dog shelter to look at puppies. LOADS of cute doggies there, but sadly all too big for Minna's dog size restrictions. After we went downtown and wandered around. Doesn't sound so bad right? WRONG!!!! While walking down Granville something flew into my eye….WHILE I was wearing my sunglasses. I stopped and tried to blink it out but it wasn't budging. Minna gave me some saline fluid to wash it out…still didn't work. I went into an optometrist to see if someone could tell if the thing had scratched my eyeball, but they had no doctor in. I managed to make it home and climbed into my bed and had a nap in hopes it would dislodge whatever it was in there. Nope, didn't work. So I then tried using a soft q-tip to gently remove it. Didn't work. I tried forcing myself to cry ("I did my best. I did my best." including looking in the mirror at how ugly I look when I cry) but that didn't work. I tried flushing it out with water. Didn't work. So I patched it up so my eye was taped shut and tried to suffer through it. I was actually going to go to my brother's b-day party like this and just drown my sorrows. But once Megan and Ben came home to pick me up I had basically decided that it was a waste of time me going. It was so uncomfortable and bordering along painful. So I went to bed at 9:30. I forced myself to keep my eyes closed until 9:30am the next day. I was too scared to open them and find out that whatever it was was still there. Thankfully when I woke up things were just swollen, no longer painful. *whew*
Then friggin last night I realized that I hadn't heard from Josh in 3 days, which is rare. I hear from him virtually daily. He was on a road trip to NP with some friends for the long weekend so my mind instantly went into over-active worrying mode. I sent him a text before bed, no response. I managed to fall asleep until about 3 where I woke up in a bit of a panic that he'd been in a car crash or something. The Taranaki roads are notoriously bad during Easter break. So I sent him an e-mail…and then a text….and then another e-mail. Paranoid much? He was quick to respond to me when he woke up this morning saying to stop worrying, he's not dead in a ditch and that he'll tell me about the weekend later. So that was a relief. My mind can go a little crazy on me sometimes!
So the two major events that I had been looking forward to all week didn't end up happening for me. I was pretty bummed about it for sure. My weekend involved chores around the house, moving related things, injury, depression, a good walk with minna and nicole, then some gorging last night at mom and dad's.
Oh, and just for Jenn's information, the date from Friday has been rescheduled for tonight. I decided that since we didn't arrange anything over the phone straight away that I would take initiative and organize something myself. Who says the man has to do it? So I told him the date, time and location and he text back agreeing to it all and that he'll pick me up tonight at 7. So that's good. Now I just have to figure out what to wear. Always the hard part.
And just to tap into my inner "Floey" (hehehe I'm so mean), here are my 5 positives for today:
1) I had delicious chili for lunch and managed to avoid the cupcakes and
brownies in our work kitchen
2) I got a ride TO work and a ride HOME from work! Woot!
3) I am currently doing sweet f-all at work right now and getting paid for it
4) Date tonight
5) My bed has freshly cleaned bedding on it just waiting for me to jump into
it tonight
6) Oh one more. Josh isn't dead.
It started out Friday. About two hours before our date, "ice cream" called to cancel. Apparently he was sick. Tried to get himself better during the day but just wasn't kicking it. I said it was fine and carried on with my evening. But then I was on POF and I saw that he was online too. I know, I know, I can't judge too much because clearly I was online as well. But I got annoyed that he was on when he had just cancelled our date. I started to wonder if he was legitimately sick or if he was lying to get out of the date. So I had a reeeeeallllly depressing evening of whining and feeling sorry for myself. I didn't cry though. I managed that much! I ended up going over to my parent's place and watched the Canucks game (which was awesome in the end!! GO GRABNER!!) and ate their food. I just felt lame because I'm almost 27 years old and I'm still leaning heavily on my parents when I'm down or have no one else to hang out with. My Mom loves it, but….I dunno. I should have taken a sip out of the hard tap and dealt with my woes on my own.
Then Saturday rolled around. I got up early and shoved about 10 bags of clothes and shoes, one big container full of books, and some other crap into the car and went to the salvation army. It took awhile to get rid of it all but it was like a big weight off my mind. Meg and I were meant to go together to do it but I figured I was on a roll/role (?) and just went with it. Then I picked up Minna and we went to the dog shelter to look at puppies. LOADS of cute doggies there, but sadly all too big for Minna's dog size restrictions. After we went downtown and wandered around. Doesn't sound so bad right? WRONG!!!! While walking down Granville something flew into my eye….WHILE I was wearing my sunglasses. I stopped and tried to blink it out but it wasn't budging. Minna gave me some saline fluid to wash it out…still didn't work. I went into an optometrist to see if someone could tell if the thing had scratched my eyeball, but they had no doctor in. I managed to make it home and climbed into my bed and had a nap in hopes it would dislodge whatever it was in there. Nope, didn't work. So I then tried using a soft q-tip to gently remove it. Didn't work. I tried forcing myself to cry ("I did my best. I did my best." including looking in the mirror at how ugly I look when I cry) but that didn't work. I tried flushing it out with water. Didn't work. So I patched it up so my eye was taped shut and tried to suffer through it. I was actually going to go to my brother's b-day party like this and just drown my sorrows. But once Megan and Ben came home to pick me up I had basically decided that it was a waste of time me going. It was so uncomfortable and bordering along painful. So I went to bed at 9:30. I forced myself to keep my eyes closed until 9:30am the next day. I was too scared to open them and find out that whatever it was was still there. Thankfully when I woke up things were just swollen, no longer painful. *whew*
Then friggin last night I realized that I hadn't heard from Josh in 3 days, which is rare. I hear from him virtually daily. He was on a road trip to NP with some friends for the long weekend so my mind instantly went into over-active worrying mode. I sent him a text before bed, no response. I managed to fall asleep until about 3 where I woke up in a bit of a panic that he'd been in a car crash or something. The Taranaki roads are notoriously bad during Easter break. So I sent him an e-mail…and then a text….and then another e-mail. Paranoid much? He was quick to respond to me when he woke up this morning saying to stop worrying, he's not dead in a ditch and that he'll tell me about the weekend later. So that was a relief. My mind can go a little crazy on me sometimes!
So the two major events that I had been looking forward to all week didn't end up happening for me. I was pretty bummed about it for sure. My weekend involved chores around the house, moving related things, injury, depression, a good walk with minna and nicole, then some gorging last night at mom and dad's.
Oh, and just for Jenn's information, the date from Friday has been rescheduled for tonight. I decided that since we didn't arrange anything over the phone straight away that I would take initiative and organize something myself. Who says the man has to do it? So I told him the date, time and location and he text back agreeing to it all and that he'll pick me up tonight at 7. So that's good. Now I just have to figure out what to wear. Always the hard part.
And just to tap into my inner "Floey" (hehehe I'm so mean), here are my 5 positives for today:
1) I had delicious chili for lunch and managed to avoid the cupcakes and
brownies in our work kitchen
2) I got a ride TO work and a ride HOME from work! Woot!
3) I am currently doing sweet f-all at work right now and getting paid for it
4) Date tonight
5) My bed has freshly cleaned bedding on it just waiting for me to jump into
it tonight
6) Oh one more. Josh isn't dead.