Let us cross the river and rest under the shade of the trees
Stonewall Jackson's alleged last words. What do they mean? I mean, for this particular entry? Nothing, really. This is actually going. to be a brain dump entry, just me unloading and y'all (I've become almost uncomfortably comfortable with saying y'all, ironically after leaving the state within which borders I swore off the word forever) just taking it all in.
Cats bother me, I mean, I don't know why, but their mere presence sends my physical being into hysterical fits and pieces. I'm sitting here in Angel's and Lulu's apartment right now, instead of Perry So's because I moved out for Carolina and Anna to move in from Junius's apartment. Thus the cats that the previous owner had here, which probably shed a ton of fur and fleas and shit are choking me up and making me sneeze and making my ears itch. Which is fine because I would need a place to live otherwise. Why am I in an apartment instead of good old Silliman, you ask? because the school year is over, and I have been moving out for the last while today. Yeah, that's right, no more school, I have fulfilled the first 40 grand of the 160 grand my wonderful parents are investing in me to become someone worthwhile in the world. And what do I do? I drink, gamble, and dance. Once in a while I do some work and study.
How's that for a year in review? Drinking and gambling and stuff. Oh yes, I lost my laptop and cell phone last night. Well, for the first time, it was recovered, and it's sitting in the police station until the courts can pull their shit together and process it. What's that gonna be, months, years? I'm leaving in 11 days, I dont have time for them to be slow. This is some heavy stuff that I'm going to need, if only they were a bit better ...
So I was talking to Mimi today for like 2 hours because it was just the two of us in Silliman courtyard and we were just looking back and seeing how out of the loop we were and gossiping like 70 year old hussies and whatever. And at one point she was like, I wish I had yours or Biblers brain. WHAT??!!? This is freaking Yale, are you kidding me? In elementary school, OK, that's fine, middle school, cool sure, high school, umm maybe doubtful, but by the time you hit Yale, you know you're smart, you know you can handle the shit thrown at you. And you dont want my brain, because if you go through the system too smart, you end up thinking that there is no challenge. I may sometimes feel like crap against my parents for being so demanding, but to be honest, if they weren't like that, I'd probably be selling drugs or doing that better luck tomorrow thing. I mean, pumping my ass full of extracurriculars took up all of my slacker time and made me at the very least attempt to realistically compete at the highest level of Yale. That's why I'm not doing drugs (other than alcohol) today.
Angel's Garden State soundtrack is playing through the apartment right now. It's such a relaxing soundtrack. I feel like stress is just melting off and I'm going to be happy for a long time here. So what is it that I Find appealing in music? Theres something weird when all the music I like is either sugary sweet or melancholic or flow set to a beat. I'm a crackhead. At least I'm not a music snob.
I need to stop typing here and I should just let Angel use her computer ...
Or not. she's back out cleaning again. What is it that makes you a guest and not a host, especially since this is all of our first night here, and they're just staying longer?
It's a peaceful night. Garden State keeps playing against the background.
Maybe this is why I like melancholic music. The loneliness gets to me. This also came up with Mimi today. Why is it that back home we seem to have made our best and everlasting friendships in the course of a year, and given the same year here, we can't break through any such barriers that we put up around ourselves? I've shared secrets, I've expressed emotions, I've had great times with Yalies, but there is a hollowness at the core. I love y'all back home, the college guys, the almost to college ladies, those slightly farther away, I love y'all too. Do we just become more independent as time goes on? Will we have trouble making the impression of childhood friendships again? Maybe it's the Yale environment. Everyone comes in having been the top of their world in their little niche across the globe, and having to move a lil higher to reach to someone else or to bend down a bit to accomodate is just hard to adjust. I miss yall and you all know who you are.
I feel peaceful, fat happy content, but drained of energy, listless, lonely.
Maybe some sex will cheer me up. TOo bad that it takes 2+ to bone. or tap. or knock up. or fuck. or ring up. or pound. great job stan.
For my JSA job this summer i should read up on current events and watch cnn. How bout those Taiwanese fuckers going to China and trying to negotiate their presidency through bargaining with China, eh? Lien Chan and James Soong, both of you, in the words of the infmaous roommate David Zagha, "go find me some fried twat". What leaders would sell out their nation to one that has a gazillion missiles pointed at you because they want to leave a legacy for their party, which is currently out of power? Taiwan needs to be independent. We are a different people, thats all there is to it. I'm not fucking communist and it's gonna fucking stay that way. Fuck you Mao. and Hu Jintao. Isn't that the name of the bad guy in rush hour 1?
It's amazing how many people I can remember meeting them for the first time. It's just something that rings with me. so weird.
ok thought dump complete.
peace sex chocolates (pick two out of three)
stanimal
Cats bother me, I mean, I don't know why, but their mere presence sends my physical being into hysterical fits and pieces. I'm sitting here in Angel's and Lulu's apartment right now, instead of Perry So's because I moved out for Carolina and Anna to move in from Junius's apartment. Thus the cats that the previous owner had here, which probably shed a ton of fur and fleas and shit are choking me up and making me sneeze and making my ears itch. Which is fine because I would need a place to live otherwise. Why am I in an apartment instead of good old Silliman, you ask? because the school year is over, and I have been moving out for the last while today. Yeah, that's right, no more school, I have fulfilled the first 40 grand of the 160 grand my wonderful parents are investing in me to become someone worthwhile in the world. And what do I do? I drink, gamble, and dance. Once in a while I do some work and study.
How's that for a year in review? Drinking and gambling and stuff. Oh yes, I lost my laptop and cell phone last night. Well, for the first time, it was recovered, and it's sitting in the police station until the courts can pull their shit together and process it. What's that gonna be, months, years? I'm leaving in 11 days, I dont have time for them to be slow. This is some heavy stuff that I'm going to need, if only they were a bit better ...
So I was talking to Mimi today for like 2 hours because it was just the two of us in Silliman courtyard and we were just looking back and seeing how out of the loop we were and gossiping like 70 year old hussies and whatever. And at one point she was like, I wish I had yours or Biblers brain. WHAT??!!? This is freaking Yale, are you kidding me? In elementary school, OK, that's fine, middle school, cool sure, high school, umm maybe doubtful, but by the time you hit Yale, you know you're smart, you know you can handle the shit thrown at you. And you dont want my brain, because if you go through the system too smart, you end up thinking that there is no challenge. I may sometimes feel like crap against my parents for being so demanding, but to be honest, if they weren't like that, I'd probably be selling drugs or doing that better luck tomorrow thing. I mean, pumping my ass full of extracurriculars took up all of my slacker time and made me at the very least attempt to realistically compete at the highest level of Yale. That's why I'm not doing drugs (other than alcohol) today.
Angel's Garden State soundtrack is playing through the apartment right now. It's such a relaxing soundtrack. I feel like stress is just melting off and I'm going to be happy for a long time here. So what is it that I Find appealing in music? Theres something weird when all the music I like is either sugary sweet or melancholic or flow set to a beat. I'm a crackhead. At least I'm not a music snob.
I need to stop typing here and I should just let Angel use her computer ...
Or not. she's back out cleaning again. What is it that makes you a guest and not a host, especially since this is all of our first night here, and they're just staying longer?
It's a peaceful night. Garden State keeps playing against the background.
Maybe this is why I like melancholic music. The loneliness gets to me. This also came up with Mimi today. Why is it that back home we seem to have made our best and everlasting friendships in the course of a year, and given the same year here, we can't break through any such barriers that we put up around ourselves? I've shared secrets, I've expressed emotions, I've had great times with Yalies, but there is a hollowness at the core. I love y'all back home, the college guys, the almost to college ladies, those slightly farther away, I love y'all too. Do we just become more independent as time goes on? Will we have trouble making the impression of childhood friendships again? Maybe it's the Yale environment. Everyone comes in having been the top of their world in their little niche across the globe, and having to move a lil higher to reach to someone else or to bend down a bit to accomodate is just hard to adjust. I miss yall and you all know who you are.
I feel peaceful, fat happy content, but drained of energy, listless, lonely.
Maybe some sex will cheer me up. TOo bad that it takes 2+ to bone. or tap. or knock up. or fuck. or ring up. or pound. great job stan.
For my JSA job this summer i should read up on current events and watch cnn. How bout those Taiwanese fuckers going to China and trying to negotiate their presidency through bargaining with China, eh? Lien Chan and James Soong, both of you, in the words of the infmaous roommate David Zagha, "go find me some fried twat". What leaders would sell out their nation to one that has a gazillion missiles pointed at you because they want to leave a legacy for their party, which is currently out of power? Taiwan needs to be independent. We are a different people, thats all there is to it. I'm not fucking communist and it's gonna fucking stay that way. Fuck you Mao. and Hu Jintao. Isn't that the name of the bad guy in rush hour 1?
It's amazing how many people I can remember meeting them for the first time. It's just something that rings with me. so weird.
ok thought dump complete.
peace sex chocolates (pick two out of three)
stanimal