One more chance
Back in school again, class starts tomorrow. I feel rather tired right now and for some reason, bloated and my throat is...strange. It doesn't really hurt, but it does feel...enlarged? I don't really know how to describe it other than it hurts, but without the hurt. haha That sort of feeling.
The drive down to here was actually pretty good. First decent car ride I've ever had, to tell the truth. Whether it was because of the company or because I wasn't a passenger the entire time, I don't know. Regardless of the reason, I had fun. I think one of the most memorable times was when I was driving and I kept on flipping through radio stations to find music because I hate driving without music. Sadly, the CD I made didn't work (what an ancient car!) though it worked everywhere else. As I flip through the stations, Rihanna pops up quite a few times. I was surprised because all the other times I drove, it was Katy Perry's Hot n Cold that kept on popping up. Instead, this time, it was Rihanna, or rather, T-Pain ft. Rihanna. Anyway, despite the fact there were very few stations with decent music, I was able to listen to most of the songs I had really wanted to listen to. I really enjoyed myself. It's one of the few times I can honestly say I had fun driving and being a passenger. The estimated time arrival was originally 1, but we didn't arrive until almost 4. Thankfully, instead of leaving at like, 4 in the morning, we left at 7. The freeway was mostly empty, so I didn't really have to worry about being closed in by cars, then again, I tend to keep to the far right or far left anyway.
Now, I'm back in my room in the apartment, happily and shamelessly avoiding my apartment mate, the one I don't like. The other two have yet to arrive. I'm really cold right now, haha, but I don't want to go out because I think She is out there. Instead, I'm sitting at my desk with my happy face jacket on and my penugin fleece throw over my lap. I think I slept strangely last night/this morning because my neck and shoulders are very very sore.
I'm relatively glad to be back, more neutral than anything, but right now, that feeling is eclipsed by sadness. I tend to expect the worst or at least, I don't have high expectations of anything. After all, if you have rather low expectations, the hurt/disappointment is virtually nonexistent. Therefore, I tend to not raise my hopes for anything. Sometimes, I do. Sometimes, my hopes and expectations are met. Most of the time, they aren't. This time, though I knew there was an incredibly low chance of it happening, I decided to keep hoping that my fish, Mochi, would be alive when I got back. I had set everything up to try to insure its continued survival. The heater was set so that the water would remain in the high 70s, even when it got very cold. A block of food was dumped in, more than enough for three weeks. I knew that despite everything, Mochi was not a strong, durable type of fish. Still, I hoped.
Disappointingly and unsurprisingly, Mochi did not survive. In fact, judging by the state of the body, it had been dead for several days. Probably less than a week, if I compare it to the last fish I had planned on returning but ended up forgetting to do so. That fish, I had kept in maybe a couple centimeters of water in a water bottle. By the end of the week, it was bloated and decaying. The color seemed to be leeching out and it had gained this "puffy" look to it. Also, it stunk big time. Mochi wasn't as decayed, but nearing, so I concluded that it had been dead for nearly a week. The smell was terrible. In fact, it still lingers in the fish tank and the plants and the stones. Right now, the entire assembly is sitting on the bathroom sink, soaking in cooling water full of industrial strength dish washer soap. With any luck, that will be enough to take care of the smell. I even have an odor neutralizer and air freshner right next to it. It actually works, as it should, considering the last time I used this Pearl scents thing I couldn't go upstairs or into my room without having a pretty bad allergic reaction. Misery be thy name.
Without the aquarium sitting on the corner of my desk, my desk looks depressingly empty. I can no longer just glance to the right and see a brightly colored tiny fish darting amongst the metallic colored plastic plants as darkly colored stones reflect off my desk lamp. I miss my fish, I really do. The other three had died within quick succession, but not Mochi. Even when it seemed he was dying, to the point where a friend and I stayed up to keep it company as it died, he didn't. He survived through the night and for following week. I even nicknamed Mochi "The Chosen One", to imbue it with strength, longevity, endurance, durability, etc. In the back of my mind, I knew that Mochi would not survive for long. Still, I hoped that he would survive through the three weeks I was gone. Really high hopes I had but no. I enter my room, my eyes zero in on the tank and the first thing I really notice, aside from the cloudiness of the water and a faint trace of a rather disgusting stench, is the upside down semi-bloated, semi-decayed body of Mochi. Not a great way to be welcomed back into my room.
At first, all I could feel was a sad resigned acceptance. All I could think about was how my father would go "Yeah, I expected it to be dead" when I would eventually tell him of Mochi's demise. Everything seemed really sort of surreal as I stood there, staring. Then, the waterworks started. Yeah, okay, Mochi was dead, it had been expected, and it was near-unavoidable. Didn't give a flying damn. The other three fish, sure, I was really sad that they died, but because they died so soon, I hadn't had the time to form any sort of connection with them. Mochi, on the other hand, yeah, there was a connection. I busied myself by unpacking, making the bed, and playing around with my bf, but I couldn't completely erase the painful sadness of Mochi's death. Even now, I'm still really really sad. I want Mochi back.
One would think that after this, I wouldn't get another fish. I am. I am going to try again but this time, with goldfish. Probably not the run-of-the-mill goldfish, but a shubunkin. Still a type of goldfish and still rather durable. Maybe then it would survive the harsh college life. I don't know if it will or if it won't, but I'm hoping that it will. I don't know if I could stand it if it died again. I want a pet to keep me company, but not like this. I'm really sad still. I'm still crying. I feel really pathetic but eh...whatever, you know?
I had a feeling this quarter wasn't going to be good, considering how "well" my 2nd year is going, but I didn't think it would start off this bad. I miss Mochi...
The drive down to here was actually pretty good. First decent car ride I've ever had, to tell the truth. Whether it was because of the company or because I wasn't a passenger the entire time, I don't know. Regardless of the reason, I had fun. I think one of the most memorable times was when I was driving and I kept on flipping through radio stations to find music because I hate driving without music. Sadly, the CD I made didn't work (what an ancient car!) though it worked everywhere else. As I flip through the stations, Rihanna pops up quite a few times. I was surprised because all the other times I drove, it was Katy Perry's Hot n Cold that kept on popping up. Instead, this time, it was Rihanna, or rather, T-Pain ft. Rihanna. Anyway, despite the fact there were very few stations with decent music, I was able to listen to most of the songs I had really wanted to listen to. I really enjoyed myself. It's one of the few times I can honestly say I had fun driving and being a passenger. The estimated time arrival was originally 1, but we didn't arrive until almost 4. Thankfully, instead of leaving at like, 4 in the morning, we left at 7. The freeway was mostly empty, so I didn't really have to worry about being closed in by cars, then again, I tend to keep to the far right or far left anyway.
Now, I'm back in my room in the apartment, happily and shamelessly avoiding my apartment mate, the one I don't like. The other two have yet to arrive. I'm really cold right now, haha, but I don't want to go out because I think She is out there. Instead, I'm sitting at my desk with my happy face jacket on and my penugin fleece throw over my lap. I think I slept strangely last night/this morning because my neck and shoulders are very very sore.
I'm relatively glad to be back, more neutral than anything, but right now, that feeling is eclipsed by sadness. I tend to expect the worst or at least, I don't have high expectations of anything. After all, if you have rather low expectations, the hurt/disappointment is virtually nonexistent. Therefore, I tend to not raise my hopes for anything. Sometimes, I do. Sometimes, my hopes and expectations are met. Most of the time, they aren't. This time, though I knew there was an incredibly low chance of it happening, I decided to keep hoping that my fish, Mochi, would be alive when I got back. I had set everything up to try to insure its continued survival. The heater was set so that the water would remain in the high 70s, even when it got very cold. A block of food was dumped in, more than enough for three weeks. I knew that despite everything, Mochi was not a strong, durable type of fish. Still, I hoped.
Disappointingly and unsurprisingly, Mochi did not survive. In fact, judging by the state of the body, it had been dead for several days. Probably less than a week, if I compare it to the last fish I had planned on returning but ended up forgetting to do so. That fish, I had kept in maybe a couple centimeters of water in a water bottle. By the end of the week, it was bloated and decaying. The color seemed to be leeching out and it had gained this "puffy" look to it. Also, it stunk big time. Mochi wasn't as decayed, but nearing, so I concluded that it had been dead for nearly a week. The smell was terrible. In fact, it still lingers in the fish tank and the plants and the stones. Right now, the entire assembly is sitting on the bathroom sink, soaking in cooling water full of industrial strength dish washer soap. With any luck, that will be enough to take care of the smell. I even have an odor neutralizer and air freshner right next to it. It actually works, as it should, considering the last time I used this Pearl scents thing I couldn't go upstairs or into my room without having a pretty bad allergic reaction. Misery be thy name.
Without the aquarium sitting on the corner of my desk, my desk looks depressingly empty. I can no longer just glance to the right and see a brightly colored tiny fish darting amongst the metallic colored plastic plants as darkly colored stones reflect off my desk lamp. I miss my fish, I really do. The other three had died within quick succession, but not Mochi. Even when it seemed he was dying, to the point where a friend and I stayed up to keep it company as it died, he didn't. He survived through the night and for following week. I even nicknamed Mochi "The Chosen One", to imbue it with strength, longevity, endurance, durability, etc. In the back of my mind, I knew that Mochi would not survive for long. Still, I hoped that he would survive through the three weeks I was gone. Really high hopes I had but no. I enter my room, my eyes zero in on the tank and the first thing I really notice, aside from the cloudiness of the water and a faint trace of a rather disgusting stench, is the upside down semi-bloated, semi-decayed body of Mochi. Not a great way to be welcomed back into my room.
At first, all I could feel was a sad resigned acceptance. All I could think about was how my father would go "Yeah, I expected it to be dead" when I would eventually tell him of Mochi's demise. Everything seemed really sort of surreal as I stood there, staring. Then, the waterworks started. Yeah, okay, Mochi was dead, it had been expected, and it was near-unavoidable. Didn't give a flying damn. The other three fish, sure, I was really sad that they died, but because they died so soon, I hadn't had the time to form any sort of connection with them. Mochi, on the other hand, yeah, there was a connection. I busied myself by unpacking, making the bed, and playing around with my bf, but I couldn't completely erase the painful sadness of Mochi's death. Even now, I'm still really really sad. I want Mochi back.
One would think that after this, I wouldn't get another fish. I am. I am going to try again but this time, with goldfish. Probably not the run-of-the-mill goldfish, but a shubunkin. Still a type of goldfish and still rather durable. Maybe then it would survive the harsh college life. I don't know if it will or if it won't, but I'm hoping that it will. I don't know if I could stand it if it died again. I want a pet to keep me company, but not like this. I'm really sad still. I'm still crying. I feel really pathetic but eh...whatever, you know?
I had a feeling this quarter wasn't going to be good, considering how "well" my 2nd year is going, but I didn't think it would start off this bad. I miss Mochi...