SPN_Crackfic challenge
My non-ability to write without a prompt astonishes even me. Anyway, now I bring you:
Title: Space Cowboys - but not really
Category: Gen/Humor
Word Count: 1,244
Rating: G for content, R? one S-word and one B-word.
Summary: Dean wakes up from a nightmare about a ghost, which offers many opportunities for mockery from Sam. Naturally, Dean doesn't want to talk about it, so they discuss their next job, which involves a creature that bears a close (physical) resemblance to a furry animal that's (almost) universally adored.
Warnings: Total and absolute crack. AU.
A/N: Writing crack was harder than I thought; the boys are made of angst. Anyway, in response to the “ Out of Time” challenge from
spn_crackfic. I have to thank
longhairedlady for pointing out the community, and for her comment located in HER challenge response that gave me the idea that wouldn't die.
A/N specific to fic: I started out with one ST: TOS reference (because it was easiest and a classic), then I decided that I couldn't post this without adding my other favorite sci-fi show. Without giving too much away, I couldn't stop there - though by no means is this fic crammed with various sci-fi references (being a sci-fi fan, I was disappointed in myself that I couldn't offer more). Anyway, how many can you spot? Think you can add to it? List of the sci-fi references at the end, plus a small note on what's going on if you're confused.
Something was... off. Dean had no other words for it and damned if he could pin down what it was.
He stared down the long hallway, knowing what he sought was at the end of the passage. Lights ensconced in glass lined the hall on both sides, but his goal was still cast in darkness - cloaked in a gloom Dean could not penetrate.
He made a quarter-turn to make a comment, appropriately dripping with sarcasm, to his side-kick (brother, you ass, Dean supplied Sam's response in his mind), and was surprised to find that he was alone.
The lights began to flicker, and he knew he had waited too long. He ran down the darkening passage, ignoring the way the air seemed to thicken as he closed in on the last door, hidden in shadows. He burst through-
And found himself face to face with a ghost, substantial as smoke, mouth gaping open like a bloody wound.
“Shit,” he muttered, backing away. It confused him; he never back away, but his body was moving without his consent, like he was acting out a role in a play.
“Dean...” the ghost whispered with no breath, and it closed the distance between them in the blink of an eye - however cliché it sounded. “My love...”
“Whoa-ho. I don't think so, lady.” Dean backed away some more, though now he was not as adverse to the idea as before.
The ghost took no notice and pressed itself against him, its mouth moved over his, and Dean was suddenly choking. Suffocating.
It was totally gross.
Dean woke with a choked gasp, blinking rapidly in the dim lights as he shook himself from the nightmare. “God,” he muttered as he scrubbed a hand across his face.
“You okay?” Sam, seated next to him, asked, his brows raised in curiosity. Dean did not often succumb to nightmares.
“A ghost. It was trying to kiss me.” Dean closed his eyes and grimaced. Did he really say that aloud? He blame it on post-nightmare stress. And the food he ate; he didn't think freeze-dried protein bars could actually expire - despite the date printed boldly across the package.
Sam laughed. He actually laughed in the face of his brother's obvious trauma. Dean growled, “It's not funny.”
“Ghost, Dean,” Sam said as if that explained everything.
“It was a dream, bitch. It doesn't count.” Dean was so not responsible for what his unconscious mind comes up with, especially for mythical monsters meant to scare children into obedience. The concept of ghosts or supernatural beings (including angels - especially angels) was all but eradicated since it was discovered that their belief systems had long ago been subverted by the Vorlons, or so they had gathered.
“Oh, man. Of all the things we face out there, your brain decided a ghost was nightmare material?” Sam snorted. “You do know they're not real, right?”
Dean did not dignify that with an answer.
Sam let the amusement linger, and Dean huffed out an exaggerated sigh of aggravation. “You done? How far are we from J-os four?”
Sam grinned, obviously not going to let Dean live it down anytime soon, as he moved to check the instruments. “Jupiter Orbital Station four...” he said as he scanned the readouts. “Not for another eight hours.” Sam leaned back on his seat and glance over at him.
“What?” Dean asked.
“You should get some real sleep. Go lay down or something,” Sam suggested with a nod toward the back, where the cabins were housed.
“Why don't you shut up and tell me what we've got?” Dean raised a finger at the impending smart-ass remark.
Sam smirked but let it go, instead focusing on the job ahead. “Nothing major - it sounds like a small Tribble infestation.” Off of Dean's look, he shrugged. “Hey, I didn't name them.”
Dean grumbled. “Damn historians. They have way too much time on their hands.”
“Well,” Sam pointed out, “they do resemble those creatures from the recovered historical records.”
“Except these things' developed a taste for dead flesh and they're not above stuffing a fresh kill in an air vent until the body gets nice and ripe.”
Sam rolled his eyes. “Thank you for that image.” Then back to business: “There's a possibility they smuggled aboard a shipment originating from the mining platform based on Ceres - Jupiter passed close to that area of the asteroid belt two months ago.” Regularly scheduled transports usually took place then, to cut fuel cost and time - until they rediscover the FTL drive. All these documentaries that managed to survive The Great Fall, and not one actual schematic for the engines that could help them travel faster than light.
And, those same documentaries showed, humans back then really liked to showcase their drama. Most of what the historians learned from the salvaged records were that people used to fight against evil on a regular basis, which lead to heavy moral and ethical decisions that usually made them very angsty.
“What's on J-os 4, anyway?” Dean asked. It always helped to be prepared.
“It's being used as a base of operation for this major corporation that practically have a presence in every branch of consumer market out there.” Sam taped a few buttons on his monitor and several screen sprang to life around him, displaying more information. “Though some say it's a front to some sort of government installation where top-secret medical experimentation are taking place. A rumor's going around that they're taking.. “gifted” kids to try to recreate something they've found from the historical records, which has since been classified.”
Dean gave Sam a cocky grin. “Don't worry, Sammy. I won't let them take you.”
Sam ignored him and asked, “So, you got a plan?”
“Yeah, all we need are a couple of Klingons and we're all set.”
Sam glared. “Klingons are extinct.”
“I'm kidding. Lighten up,” said Dean. Truth was, the standing explanation for the lack of humanoid alien life was blanketed under the general “extinction” theory, which even a child could take apart. A small, but passionate, group of conspiracy theorists said they all migrated through the Chapa'ai to escape the impending collapse of civilization, now referred to as The Great Fall. They were still looking for the 'gate. Still, the general consensus of everyone concerned was to ignore it and move on with their lives.
“Well, this is serious,” Sam said seriously. “Those things can decimate their animal populations in months, and multiplying as they do. By the time we get there, they could be going after people.”
“Okay, okay.” Dean leaned close as he laid out the plan. “You use your Jedi mind tricks on the little suckers, make them float or whatever, and I'll pick them off.” The great Epic Battle between the Rebel Alliance and the Galactic Empire was one of great contention amongst scholars, many of whom thought it was the precursor to humanity's downfall. Another school of thought was that the rise of machines was to blame, citing many, many references throughout the records of the machines gaining sentience and ultimately rebelled against their human masters.
“Dean," Sam ground out. Patience obviously running low.
“Sammy, you scared of the little furry vermin?” Dean asked, grinning crookedly.
“No, but at least they're real.”
Dean's grin instantly turned to a scowl. “I told you, it was a dream. Dreams don't count.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night, big brother.”
---
Footnotes: Sam and Dean are in the future, a couple hundred years (or something) after the collapse of civilization. All humanity have left to tell them of the past are some "recovered historical records" that's actually some old nerd's sci-fi collection. But they didn't know that and looked at them as old "documentaries".
Here's what I managed to cram into there: Babylon 5, Stargate SG-1, Star Trek: TOS, Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, The Matrix/Terminator/other shows with robots rebelling/taking over (like I, Robot.. man, there's a LOT of genre shows based on that plotline), and Firefly.
Babylon 5 - Vorlons
Stargate - Chapa'ai (Stargate...)
Star Trek - Tribbles, Klingons
BSG - FTL Drive, robots uprising
Matrix and etc - robots uprising
Firefly - Big corporation mixed in with government experimentation of "gifted" children
Title: Space Cowboys - but not really
Category: Gen/Humor
Word Count: 1,244
Rating: G for content, R? one S-word and one B-word.
Summary: Dean wakes up from a nightmare about a ghost, which offers many opportunities for mockery from Sam. Naturally, Dean doesn't want to talk about it, so they discuss their next job, which involves a creature that bears a close (physical) resemblance to a furry animal that's (almost) universally adored.
Warnings: Total and absolute crack. AU.
A/N: Writing crack was harder than I thought; the boys are made of angst. Anyway, in response to the “ Out of Time” challenge from
spn_crackfic. I have to thank
longhairedlady for pointing out the community, and for her comment located in HER challenge response that gave me the idea that wouldn't die.
A/N specific to fic: I started out with one ST: TOS reference (because it was easiest and a classic), then I decided that I couldn't post this without adding my other favorite sci-fi show. Without giving too much away, I couldn't stop there - though by no means is this fic crammed with various sci-fi references (being a sci-fi fan, I was disappointed in myself that I couldn't offer more). Anyway, how many can you spot? Think you can add to it? List of the sci-fi references at the end, plus a small note on what's going on if you're confused.
Something was... off. Dean had no other words for it and damned if he could pin down what it was.
He stared down the long hallway, knowing what he sought was at the end of the passage. Lights ensconced in glass lined the hall on both sides, but his goal was still cast in darkness - cloaked in a gloom Dean could not penetrate.
He made a quarter-turn to make a comment, appropriately dripping with sarcasm, to his side-kick (brother, you ass, Dean supplied Sam's response in his mind), and was surprised to find that he was alone.
The lights began to flicker, and he knew he had waited too long. He ran down the darkening passage, ignoring the way the air seemed to thicken as he closed in on the last door, hidden in shadows. He burst through-
And found himself face to face with a ghost, substantial as smoke, mouth gaping open like a bloody wound.
“Shit,” he muttered, backing away. It confused him; he never back away, but his body was moving without his consent, like he was acting out a role in a play.
“Dean...” the ghost whispered with no breath, and it closed the distance between them in the blink of an eye - however cliché it sounded. “My love...”
“Whoa-ho. I don't think so, lady.” Dean backed away some more, though now he was not as adverse to the idea as before.
The ghost took no notice and pressed itself against him, its mouth moved over his, and Dean was suddenly choking. Suffocating.
It was totally gross.
Dean woke with a choked gasp, blinking rapidly in the dim lights as he shook himself from the nightmare. “God,” he muttered as he scrubbed a hand across his face.
“You okay?” Sam, seated next to him, asked, his brows raised in curiosity. Dean did not often succumb to nightmares.
“A ghost. It was trying to kiss me.” Dean closed his eyes and grimaced. Did he really say that aloud? He blame it on post-nightmare stress. And the food he ate; he didn't think freeze-dried protein bars could actually expire - despite the date printed boldly across the package.
Sam laughed. He actually laughed in the face of his brother's obvious trauma. Dean growled, “It's not funny.”
“Ghost, Dean,” Sam said as if that explained everything.
“It was a dream, bitch. It doesn't count.” Dean was so not responsible for what his unconscious mind comes up with, especially for mythical monsters meant to scare children into obedience. The concept of ghosts or supernatural beings (including angels - especially angels) was all but eradicated since it was discovered that their belief systems had long ago been subverted by the Vorlons, or so they had gathered.
“Oh, man. Of all the things we face out there, your brain decided a ghost was nightmare material?” Sam snorted. “You do know they're not real, right?”
Dean did not dignify that with an answer.
Sam let the amusement linger, and Dean huffed out an exaggerated sigh of aggravation. “You done? How far are we from J-os four?”
Sam grinned, obviously not going to let Dean live it down anytime soon, as he moved to check the instruments. “Jupiter Orbital Station four...” he said as he scanned the readouts. “Not for another eight hours.” Sam leaned back on his seat and glance over at him.
“What?” Dean asked.
“You should get some real sleep. Go lay down or something,” Sam suggested with a nod toward the back, where the cabins were housed.
“Why don't you shut up and tell me what we've got?” Dean raised a finger at the impending smart-ass remark.
Sam smirked but let it go, instead focusing on the job ahead. “Nothing major - it sounds like a small Tribble infestation.” Off of Dean's look, he shrugged. “Hey, I didn't name them.”
Dean grumbled. “Damn historians. They have way too much time on their hands.”
“Well,” Sam pointed out, “they do resemble those creatures from the recovered historical records.”
“Except these things' developed a taste for dead flesh and they're not above stuffing a fresh kill in an air vent until the body gets nice and ripe.”
Sam rolled his eyes. “Thank you for that image.” Then back to business: “There's a possibility they smuggled aboard a shipment originating from the mining platform based on Ceres - Jupiter passed close to that area of the asteroid belt two months ago.” Regularly scheduled transports usually took place then, to cut fuel cost and time - until they rediscover the FTL drive. All these documentaries that managed to survive The Great Fall, and not one actual schematic for the engines that could help them travel faster than light.
And, those same documentaries showed, humans back then really liked to showcase their drama. Most of what the historians learned from the salvaged records were that people used to fight against evil on a regular basis, which lead to heavy moral and ethical decisions that usually made them very angsty.
“What's on J-os 4, anyway?” Dean asked. It always helped to be prepared.
“It's being used as a base of operation for this major corporation that practically have a presence in every branch of consumer market out there.” Sam taped a few buttons on his monitor and several screen sprang to life around him, displaying more information. “Though some say it's a front to some sort of government installation where top-secret medical experimentation are taking place. A rumor's going around that they're taking.. “gifted” kids to try to recreate something they've found from the historical records, which has since been classified.”
Dean gave Sam a cocky grin. “Don't worry, Sammy. I won't let them take you.”
Sam ignored him and asked, “So, you got a plan?”
“Yeah, all we need are a couple of Klingons and we're all set.”
Sam glared. “Klingons are extinct.”
“I'm kidding. Lighten up,” said Dean. Truth was, the standing explanation for the lack of humanoid alien life was blanketed under the general “extinction” theory, which even a child could take apart. A small, but passionate, group of conspiracy theorists said they all migrated through the Chapa'ai to escape the impending collapse of civilization, now referred to as The Great Fall. They were still looking for the 'gate. Still, the general consensus of everyone concerned was to ignore it and move on with their lives.
“Well, this is serious,” Sam said seriously. “Those things can decimate their animal populations in months, and multiplying as they do. By the time we get there, they could be going after people.”
“Okay, okay.” Dean leaned close as he laid out the plan. “You use your Jedi mind tricks on the little suckers, make them float or whatever, and I'll pick them off.” The great Epic Battle between the Rebel Alliance and the Galactic Empire was one of great contention amongst scholars, many of whom thought it was the precursor to humanity's downfall. Another school of thought was that the rise of machines was to blame, citing many, many references throughout the records of the machines gaining sentience and ultimately rebelled against their human masters.
“Dean," Sam ground out. Patience obviously running low.
“Sammy, you scared of the little furry vermin?” Dean asked, grinning crookedly.
“No, but at least they're real.”
Dean's grin instantly turned to a scowl. “I told you, it was a dream. Dreams don't count.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night, big brother.”
---
Footnotes: Sam and Dean are in the future, a couple hundred years (or something) after the collapse of civilization. All humanity have left to tell them of the past are some "recovered historical records" that's actually some old nerd's sci-fi collection. But they didn't know that and looked at them as old "documentaries".
Here's what I managed to cram into there: Babylon 5, Stargate SG-1, Star Trek: TOS, Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, The Matrix/Terminator/other shows with robots rebelling/taking over (like I, Robot.. man, there's a LOT of genre shows based on that plotline), and Firefly.
Babylon 5 - Vorlons
Stargate - Chapa'ai (Stargate...)
Star Trek - Tribbles, Klingons
BSG - FTL Drive, robots uprising
Matrix and etc - robots uprising
Firefly - Big corporation mixed in with government experimentation of "gifted" children