Wow, I actually related to Melrose on Top Model... weird

Jul 07, 2007 14:51

        Yeah, I watched it. And it was FABULOUS.
        Okay, but watching Melrose on TM struck a chord with me. How the girls didn't like her or even give her a chance. She was good. VERY good. I saw a LOT of hating. Every time anyone complimented her, there'd always be some girl rolling their eyes.
        It just seems similar to me sitch. I usually gravitate slightly away from "the group". I don't agree with everything they say. I'm blunt and HONEST. I belief honesty is SO much easier than lying and being catty [though I AM catty sometimes, I just don't say anything that I wouldn't say in front of the person] With every group that I've been in, I've found cattiness, dishonesty, and plenty of stupidity. Like the first year with the bitches. It's okay, they were self proclaimed bitches. The only thing, they weren't bitches, they were backstabbers. Get it right. A bitch does it out in the open and doesn't care about your reaction. A backstabber lacks that confidence and arrogance. A backstabber is too scared to be bitchy in public so he or she does it behind your back and won't admit to it; he or she hides behind a crazy rationalization.
        The second year contained the conformists. They always wanted to me to "obey" them, to "tow in line". I'm sorry, if I don't agree, I don't agree. They always had to make a big deal out of it. I'm usually just reserved about, with a quick no or I don't think so. And their like why?! Or the worst: You're just saying no because we say yes.

What the fuck?! I'm not going to waste energy on you like that. Face it, people have brains!

I just... I don't backstab because I really can't afford to lose friends, seeing how I've yet to make some close ones. But I know people hate it when I'm nice to people that they don't like. Like Don and SB reacted to me hanging with Gilson. They were always like he's so skanky, yet at the same time they were being super skankified, especially with Donny trying to get together with Gilson AND Colby at the same time! The reason he hates that a hang out with Gilson sometimes is because I know his dirty laundry.
        i'd really like to just let go and live. I see what I want. I want Casey's group. They're fun and SEEM more honest. They're also really Christian. I'm ambivalent on that. I like to find my way and just don't want people to view me as a "potential convert" than a human and "potential friend". Not that Casey's group gave me that vibe, they're great.

I just wanna let go and LIVE!
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