Primogeniture - Chapter 08: In The Name of Our Mother
Title: Primogeniture
Summary: Merlin is happy to dedicate his life and soul to Arthur when he comes to Camelot, even though he knows the dragon is wrong, and Arthur will never be king. How can he be, when he is the second son?
Rating: R
Word Count: 7000
Pairings/Character: Arthur/Merlin, OMC
Warnings/Content: violence,
Beta: none
Notes: School sucks, my district sucks, life sucks, so I'm posting fic to deal with it.
~*~
Master Post
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Chapter 08: In The Name of Our Mother
Merlin stood, fidgety in the background, as Uther bade the new knights to arise. With great ceremony, Uther addressed the new knights of Camelot, with a voice of command and respect, that of a king to his protectors, extensions of his own heart, the hands of his crown.
"You see the greatest virtues of knighthood in my two sons, Arthur and Madog..."
He fought the urge to roll his eyes. Uther only recently started including Arthur in this little speech he gave every knighting, but Arthur still had to fight down a big grin from splitting across his face every time. Merlin could see him only barely suppressing it from way over here, and that alone redeemed this general stuffiness. Really, did all the speeches have to be this long? The knights were enjoying their moment, basking in the attention as everyone admired them, the new warriors of the heart of Camelot. Why ruin it with boring old speeches from not-much-less boring old people?
Oh, well, it just mean more food and wine for the servants to pilfer. That made these feasts worth it. Nobles were so wasteful, and the kitchen staff kept an extra morsel of various treats in the meals to accommodate the servants nicking some and nibbling on it to and from the hall. And nobles were all so wasteful, and the food was brilliant.
"You seem in good mood," Gwen muttered.
"Why not?"
Gwen sighed. "Morgana thinks something is going to happen...not bad, just...big..."
Merlin frowned. Never underestimate Morgana's visions, no matter how vague or random or completely nonsensical they were.
"How big?"
Gwen paused. "She said...she had a dream of a knight, and a dream of...of the queen. She said they feel connected."
The queen.
That alone made Merlin nervous, suddenly forgetting about the food and wine awaiting him and Gwen and thinking instead of what could connect a knight to the queen. One of these new knights, perhaps? But how? These were all young men, Arthur's age give or take a few years - how could they possibly be connected to Queen Ygraine?
"How come she didn't mention these earlier?" he asked. If he had more time, and access to Gaius's library-
"The dream knight was last night - the queen was in the nap she had this afternoon after we snuck away for some sparring...she didn't say it was bad, just...unnerving..."
Merlin sighed, but nodded. "A lot of things about magic are unnerving. But I'll keep my eyes out." They would have to pray and wing it.
She nodded, neither of them concerned by now, which probably said something about the hectic chaos that was their daily life, but oh well.
"So," she said again, as Uther started to wind down his speech. "Good mood?"
Merlin grinned. "Yeah - all the chores done, Arthur got an entire extra lunch and foisted it off onto me, Morgana and I got the hand of rock shaping...why wouldn't I be in a good mood? And the food!"
"Have you smelled the new marinating sauces used on the pheasant?" Gwen asked, her own smile perking in anticipation of the feast servants' perks.
"Mmm," Merlin answered with a big grin. "Today is a good day!"
"And this has nothing to do with the ruffled hair and bruise on your neck you had this morning?" a voice asked slyly from behind.
"Morgana!" he said, laughing as the new knights started congratulating each other and thanking the king and princes. The Lady looked a little harried, signs of her visions, but her smile was genuine, enjoying the night and no doubt planning her reign of feminine terror over the new knights of Camelot.
"Merlin, you're blushing!" she said. Merlin unfortunately was, and stuck his tongue out to the Lady for the briefest of moments before turning back to Gwen.
"Like you're much better," Merlin grumbled at her.
Gwen laughed. "I at least know discretion and moderation, Merlin."
"Oh, yes, I'm sure," Morgana said. "Except when it comes to me, I hope?"
"Of course, milday."
"Otherwise, I might just have to start scrying to keep an eye on you," she continued, before pausing and looking at Merlin. "I don't suppose you know how? I saw a spell for that in the book..."
"Never bothered learning it," Merlin said. "You'd have much better luck with it than I, though, as a Seer. Take a look at it...though I'm pretty sure it's meant to keep an eye on attacking enemies, not spy on your friends."
"I'm not spying," Morgana said. "Just...getting all the details. Gwen and I tell each other all about it, later!" Suddenly, she grinned. "Maybe we'll use it to 'keep an eye' on you and Arthur-"
"Hey!" he said, feeling his face heat up at the prospect of them watching him and Arthur-
CLANG
The entire hall quieted at the noise of trouble in the outer halls. The jovial mood vanished instantly, the room chilling in temper and temperature.
This can't be good.
The knights and Princes went forward towards the door while everyone else backed up, and everyone was ready for an attack when the doors burst open.
A single, lone knight in full armor walked in, and behind Merlin, Morgana gasped.
"That him!" she hissed, leaning into his ear to whisper without anyone else hearing. "The knight from my dream! I dreamt about him last night!"
For a moment, the knight was still, as if he hadn't taken down half the outer guard of Camelot single-handedly on his way in. He faced the two princes, before its hands came up, and pulled up a gauntlet.
While all the knights were wary, they stepped back, recognizing a challenge about to be issued - probably to one of the princes, because you wouldn't interrupt a knight ceremony like this otherwise. Merlin narrowed his eyes at the knight, wondering why the hell Morgana would dream such a thing.
Madog, who regularly had to accept challenges to defend the honor of the throne of Camelot, stepped forward, but the knight shook its head, before throwing down the gauntlet-
Merlin's blood ran cold when it landed in front of Arthur, instead.
There was stunned silence, throughout the hall, and Merlin wondered frantically just who the hell Arthur had pissed off lately, because to challenge him wasn't challenging Camelot, but simply Arthur, and really, Arthur generally didn't cause too much trouble with other nobles, and maybe he slighted someone in one of those weird Court ways that no one in their right minds understood, or maybe he snubbed someone in their bed after Uther sent him, or maybe-
Arthur picked up the gauntlet.
No, no, no, that daft idiot!
"...this won't end well," Morgana whispered in his ear, shaking her head like a mare in distress. "I can feel it in my magic - this won't...Arthur will...he won't be hurt...but he will be?"
Right now, he hated the ambiguity of magic.
Merlin started to turn around, but Morgana shook her head. "He won't die...I don't think he'll even be harmed...but...this won't end well..."
"Considering I have accepted your challenge," Arthur said calmly, all the dignity befitting a prince. "The least you could do is reveal who you are."
More silence, before the knight reached up, and slowly pulled off his-
...her helmet.
"My name," she said to the shocked Court. "Is Morgause."
~*~
"I can't believe this is actually legal," Madog said, leaning against the council table as Geoffrey finished explaining the results of his search through three hundred years of Camelot's law.
"It simply never occurred to anyone that a woman would issue a challenge," Geoffrey said. "So no one thought to forbid it."
"Well," Arthur said, taking a deep breath. "I accepted the challenge...I will fight. I will just...keep in mind that it is a woman I am fighting."
"No ordinary woman," Father said. "She is skilled - she took down half the guard on her way in without a scratch."
Arthur nodded. He remembered Morgana's warning of a 'bad feeling' about all this.
Oddly enough, she didn't seem to feel anything towards the knight - Morgause - in particular. Just the situation.
And something else that he knew she wasn't telling him just yet.
"I will fight," Arthur said. With echos of Morgana's warning and Merlin's worry ringing about through his head, he knew he would have to ignore the fact she was a woman - he would have to fight his hardest against her.
"The match will be tomorrow at noon," Father said, with a sigh. "Exactly as announced."
"Good luck," Madog muttered doubtfully. The king rolled his eyes, and Arthur just ignored him.
Arthur nodded, and headed up to his chambers as soon as he was dismissed.
He gave a single, quick knock to his door, before he unlocked and opened it so's not to startle the trio inside.
"I fight tomorrow at noon," he announced as he closed the door. As soon as he did, everything on the fruit tray lifted up and started dancing in a haphazard orb in Morgana's worry, while Merlin's lip-biting translated into the bed remaking itself, the broom sweeping about, and his entire wardrobe dumping out of the armoire and refolding itself back in again, everything that had been frozen when he stepped in coming to life. Gwen sighed in exasperation when the dress she had been mending started to mend itself, and she had to snatched the needle from midair and thump a fist against the wavering dress in order to get back to doing it herself. Merlin didn't notice.
For a moment, Arthur felt an irrational surge of pride as he watched it all happen around him. Merlin and Morgana lived in a constant state of terror, and there were very few times and places where they would ever perform this much magic, especially all at once. He was, glad, though, that it was his chambers that served as on of those places, and his presence as one of those times.
"Relax," Arthur said. "She's good, but she can't be as good as me."
"Right, because you are absolutely infallible!" Morgana snapped.
"No, because I'm a damn good knight, one of the best in the kingdom," Arthur said. "Everything will be fine."
Merlin and Morgana shared only the briefest of glances, but Arthur sighed - especially when Gwen looked down to her dress from his face guiltily.
"All right," he said. "What aren't you telling me?"
Morgana worried her hands as the fruit followed suit, and Merlin sighed, making a gesture towards him accompanied with a significant look towards his adopted sister.
"I..." Morgana sighed, sitting down across from Arthur and studying him carefully as she did so. "I didn't just foresee the knight Morgause. And I saw...I saw your mother, and Morgause somehow is going to be connected to her."
Arthur sat there, numb.
His mother?!
"I...she..."
"Not just the queen," Morgana muttered. "But specifically as your mother."
Arthur shut his eyes. "What did you...what did you see about her?"
"I'm...I'm not sure. I just know she was...present? It's hard to explain. I knew she was existing in my vision. But mostly I saw the knight, fighting you."
"Do I win?"
"I don't know," Morgana said.
Arthur rubbed the brdige of his nose. "Well, then...I'll just have to fight her, then see what it is, exactly, that she wants."
~*~
Merlin was silent as Arthur fumed after the match. Though the prince, too, was quiet, his entire body was riled and tense, shame from losing the fight exuding from every pore as Merlin slowly peeled off his armor.
"What did she...what did she say?" Merlin asked. "When she had you at sword point?"
"...she wanted to ask something of me, and made me swear I would do it," Arthur said simply, before shutting his eyes as he hung his head. "Goddamnit...people already think I'm useless enough, but now to lose to a woman...!"
Merlin pulled off the last bit of armor and rubbed Arthur's back through the chainmail.
"...well, you did put up one hell of a fight," Merlin said. "I don't think anyone will think too badly of you - she was...really, really good, is all, so people won't think that you're bad or anything, just..."
"...thank you, Merlin, but shut up."
~*~
"No! I forbid it!" Father cried out as Madog and Arthur stood before him.
Arthur couldn't care less.
"I want to hear what she knows about my mother," Arthur said, firmly.
"Obviously, she's lying," Madog scoffed. "She's probably a sorceress. It would explain how she won, if nothing else. And really, she can't be much older than me, how can she possibly know Mother?"
"The same way you do," Arthur snapped, whirling on his brother. "And seeing as you and father never like to talk about her, you will have to excuse me for going to see anyone who-"
"Don't blame this on us," Madog said. "Do you any idea how painful it is to talk about her?"
"Do you have any idea what it feels like to not know her at all?!" Arthur shouted, years of fury erupting right now. Now. Such awful and perfect timing. He wondered if letting out some of his anger instead of holding it all in might do some good after all like Merlin claimed it would. "At least you have some memories of mother, at least you had some time with her! At least you got to know her-"
"I barely remember her!" he shouted.
"But you do - you do and I don't," Arthur said. He was suddenly grateful that it was just them. As if losing to a woman in combat weren't bad enough, now he was on the edge of being denied the chance to get to know the one person he desired to the meet the most and never would. "I have nothing, nothing! I have no memories, and most of what I know I've had to get from listening to servants gossip about her because you refuse to tell me anything about her! I miss her, damnit-"
"You have no right to miss her when she died when you were born!" Madog shouted. "She died because you were born! You-"
"Silence!"
Both boys stopped, their faces inches away from each other where they were leaned over the table, and turned to see Father standing, also leaning on the table and staring them both down.
"Madog," he hissed. "You will not blame your brother for your mother's death. Ever. Is that understood?"
"Father-"
"Is that understood?" Uther said, face red in fury.
"...yes, father," Madog said, swallowing as he pushed himself off and backed away from the table. Father almost never got this furious with either of them.
The king stopped and took several deep breaths, eyes closed, as he visibly calmed himself, while Arthur looked at him in confusion. Why the hell was Father defending him?
Finally, Father turned to Arthur. "I understand why you want to go. But she's dangerous - I make no delusions of that because of her sex. You will not go!"
Arthur clenched his jaw.
"And don't think about running off in the middle of the night," Father said. "I'm your father, I know you - I will have guards posted outside your doors until you realize just how dangerous this is!"
"...you can't stop me," Arthur pleaded. The anger was gone, drained out of the shocked and grieving look on his father's face as he demanded Madog never again blame Arthur for Mother's death. Now, there was just desperation, to have a little piece of what Madog had and Father had and he didn't - a little piece of his mother in his heart. "Please. If you want to keep your silence, fine, but let me learn something about the woman who died to give birth to me! She gave her life for mine - I have to do this!"
"...no," the king repeated. "I will not lose you to to this enchantress's lies. Go to your chambers and stay there, and don't do something to get yourself killed in the memory of a corpse!"
Madog and Arthur both paled at hearing Uther talk about their mother like that, and for one brief, hysterical moment, Arthur thought Madog might actually challenge Father on Mother's behalf. But they both saw the raging fury and grief in Father's eyes, and they knew when to back down.
They both walked out without dismissal, and Uther didn't call them out on it as they left.
"I'll escort my brother to his chambers," Madog said, waving off the guards.
Arthur frowned, but went with his brother.
They walked in silence. The servants bowed away as usual, moreso - the staff knew when to avoid the royal family, and Arthur wasn't surprised if he, at least, was exuding anger and frustration from every pore.
When they reached Arthur's chambers, and Madog followed Arthur inside, he narrowed his eyes at his brother when he stood in front of the fireplace. Arthur waited by his bed for his brother to speak his piece.
"Tonight," Madog said. "I am going to assign the guards for the east gate. My options will include two young soldiers, new to the guard, and an old drunkard."
Arthur's lungs froze as the gravity of what his brother was offering him sunk in.
"...tell me what you find," Madog said, turning to face Arthur, his expression earnest. "I have memories of Mother...but they are few and vague. With many of them, I'm not even sure if they are real or conjured up of my mind."
Arthur shut his eyes, weighing the power of Merlin's magic against the ease of his brother's capacity to let him slip out of Camelot.
"No," he said, opening his eyes.
Madog stared at him in shock.
"You have your memories of Mother," Arthur said. "Let me have mine."
Madog's face hardened over.
"My options for tonight will also include veteran guards who know when to listen to the matricidal prince's orders and when to listen to the king's," he ground out harshly, storming out of the room.
Arthur stared at the closed door.
Matricidal prince.
He hoped he'd done the right thing, just now.
He wondered what the hell the right thing was.
~*~
"It's enchanted," Merlin said, sitting back from magically examining the bracelet Morgause had given Morgana. "But the spells are pretty harmless...they might even be good for you." They were dream spells, mostly spells to ward off bad dreams.
Morgana sighed as she looked at the bracelet, where Merlin held it hovering over her table. "I've been trying to discern this crest...it looks...familiar, but..."
"Let's go ask Geoffrey," Merlin said, fairly confident as they headed up the castle halls. Gaius's library could only offer so much, and Geoffrey seemed delighted to have regular visitors so young - especially with one being the king's ward, herself.
"Morgause feels familiar, too," Morgana said. "I feel like I know her, but I swear I never met her...I think I may have dreamed of her when I was young - that's what it feels like."
"What did she say?" Merlin found himself asking again.
"...she asked that I remember her fondly," Morgana said, confused. Merlin felt the same.
"Well...I'll try to ask her more when Arthur and I go after her," Merlin said.
"On that note, Gwen brought the rope - it's in my chambers," she said absently, still studying the bracelet. "You can get it on the way up."
Merlin nodded as they reached the library, mentally re-running the escape plan through his head.
Ten minutes later, he was holding onto Morgana's shoulder as she stared in shock between the crest on the bracelet and the crest on the paper. They were identical, and they were for the House of Gorlois.
"...what the hell is going on?" Merlin murmured to himself as Morgana stared between the two.
This Morgause character was going to have a lot of explaining to do.
~*~
"...so we're following the horse?"
"Yes, Merlin, we're following the horse."
"..."
"Don't you know any type of magic that can do that?"
"Well, yes, but...really, following the horse? Couldn't she have just given us some directions?"
"She did, it's in the horse...why the hell am I the one saying this?!"
"Because I don't trust her! Why is she being so secretive, why did she make you promise this in combat, and why did she have a bracelet with the House of Gorlois crest on it - and why does she care about Morgana so much?"
"...sometimes, Merlin, I'm not sure what's worse: your influence on me, or my influence on you."
"You could do with being more cautious!"
"That's what I have you for."
"Prat."
"Idiot."
~*~
"...she died before I opened my eyes," Arthur said, as he stared into the fire. At least he was pretty sure that was it. She died at his birth, at any rate. "My father knew her well, obviously, and my brother has a few vague memories of her...but father started not talking about her, then Madog followed suit, then...everyone just...I guess they took it as a silent order - no one talked about my mother. Most of what I know about her...it's mostly from servants gossip, and...whenever I do something that reminds people of her, and they tell me. Not to mention that I look just like her."
Merlin laid a comforting arm around Arthur's shoulders, and Arthur leaned in slightly to the comfort.
"What about you?"
"I never met my father," Merlin admitted. "He left before I was born, and mother never talked about him...but I was fine. People looked out for me in the village, even though most of them thought I was odd. My mother was strong. I think...my magic probably came from my father, whoever or whatever he was. To be honest, that was the only reason I'd ever wanted to actually go out and look for him...otherwise, I never really missed him beyond passing fancies..."
"Were there a lot of those 'passing fancies'?" Arthur asked, turning his head to face Merlin.
Merlin swallowed. "When...when I was little, and some other boys...well, 'bastard child' doesn't really matter much when you're not a noble...but it still hurts. When I got older, though, I stopped caring."
"...you shouldn't," Arthur said. "It's your father."
"Yeah, well...it's not like caring will get me anywhere," Merlin said. "It'll just cause me pain at this point. My mother won't talk about him and I have nothing of my own to go on, so...I might as well just focus on things I can do something about."
Arthur sighed, turning back to face the fire and leaning fully into Merlin's one-armed embrace. "Maybe one day, she'll talk, and you can go look for him. I'll help."
He could feel Merlin's soft, half-indulgent smile without looking, and then he could feel the soft press of Merlin's lips against the crown of his head.
"Thanks," he said softly. "And I promise - I'll help you figure out this thing with your mother."
That night, they lay curled into each other on their shared bedroll. Arthur reached out and swept some hair off a sleeping Merlin's face, smiling sadly, and wondering what he did to deserve Merlin. And as much as he knew he hadn't done much for it, he hoped what little he has managed to accomplish in his life would be enough to make his mother proud of him.
~*~
"There's magic in the air," Merlin said with no irony in his voice as they neared the waterfall. He cast his hand out, and frowned when he realized the water was resisting his attempts to keep it from wetting them. He knew if he pushed harder, he could probably make the spell work, but it would also be very easily noticeable magic even if Morgause wasn't watching them carefully, and as such, he kept it to himself for now as they rode underneath, getting drenched along the way.
They knotted and dropped their horses' reins in the lush grass and headed through the rather pointed opening into a small courtyard of sorts.
Within moments, Morgause was there. It was oddly startling to see her in the dress after seeing her in nothing but men's garb, but this sudden bout of femininity after her demonstration of physical strength only confirmed for Merlin that she was magic.
He watched them, barely hearing their talk, but he panicked as Arthur actually listened to her and then he fucking put his head on the chopping block and then the damned woman was raising the axe above her head and-
He hadn't even thought when he lashed out with his magic. Morgause's eyes widened as the axe was floating well above all of them, and a moment later, Arthur, pushing himself up to face him, shouted in anger, "Merlin!"
"You can keep your word to listen to her," Merlin said. "But I never made any promises to stand by and just let you die!"
"Well make it now," Arthur said, cold anger in his voice. "I'll be damned if you ruin this out of your stupid protective-"
"You won't be able to find out anything about your mother if you're dead-"
"You're a sorcerer?"
They both turned to face the witch at her question. She was obviously slightly stunned, but her face was composed and her head held high, and only her eyes gave away the depth of her surprise.
"...yes, he is," Arthur said. "And one who will give back the axe so we may go on-"
"Like hell!"
"Put it down," Morgause said, looking with narrowed eyes between Arthur and Merlin, before focusing on Arthur. "I only did this to test how true you are to your word. I see you truly are a man of honor." She paused, then looked back at Merlin. "And yet...I believe you have vows to eradicate magic from the kingdom?"
"No. But I do have vows to protect my people and honor those who are loyal to me," Arthur said, staring her head on. Merlin slowly lowered the axe to the ground, watching her suspiciously. Nonetheless, he followed her when she turned and led them on.
Another courtyard, larger, lit by candles, and with a dais in the middle. He could recognize that this would be used for powerful magic. The giant crystal, if nothing else, was a big give away. He could feel it brushing his magic even as he held his magic back. Whatever this was, he needed to remain apart from it to keep an eye on things and make sure Arthur lived.
He wondered what Morgause was up to.
~*~
"I..." he felt his throat tighten. "I cannot bear the thought...of killing...that I took you away from Father and Madog..."
"I give my life to you willingly...from the moment you opened your eyes, I loved you. You were beautiful, and you still are, in body and heart."
Arthur stared at his mother, a slow, watery smile on his face.
Mother - Mother - smiled at him. "I'm proud of you."
He never wanted to leave.
"I...I..." Arthur swallowed, and he felt he would shatter as she gently cupped his face with her hands - and he could feel them, they were real, she was here, with him, he didn't want to leave here, ever-
"You are a wonderful prince, and knight, and leader," she said softly. "But most of all, you are a wonderful man. Prince or King, you will always look after your people, and do good by Camelot."
"I..." he shook his head. "I'm...I'm so sorry...to have...caused your death..."
"It is not your fault," she said, before her voice, her expression, became sad. He didn't want her to be sad. "It is your father's."
And he listened, blood boiling, to the accounts of his father's betrayal, how the sorceress Nimueh had caused her to conceive her second son, only for her to have to forfeit her life in the end, so Arthur may live.
"And yet," she said. "I am glad."
"N-no," he said. "You...I'm just a...you shouldn't have had to die for me!"
"But I did," she said. "And you were worth it, and so much more. I could not have asked for a better son."
"Mother...I love you," he said, hating all the chances he never got to say that in his life.
"Me too," she said, smiling like only a mother could. "I love you, Arthur."
Arthur shut his eyes, and sighed as he felt her kiss his forehead.
And suddenly, she was gone.
"NO!"
His eyes shot open to see the emptiness before him, and he whirled around to face Morgause. "Bring her back!" He had hugged mother, held her in his arms! It couldn't be over! He couldn't have only a few moments with her!
"I cannot," she said simply. "I can only bring her back once."
No, no, no, no, no! IT wasn't fair, she was his mother, damnit, he had to have her back, now!
Merlin narrowed his eyes at her, and Arthur, for a moment, wondered why, but right now, he had bigger problems to deal with.
If he couldn't hold his mother ever again, he'd focus on something he could do.
Avenging her.
"Merlin," he said gruffly. "Let's go-"
"Wait!" Merlin shouted, still focused on Morgause
Arthur turned, wondering how the hell Merlin expected him to wait-
"What's with you and Morgana?" Merlin said. "That bracelet - the crest is the House of Gorlois. How do you have it? Why? And why'd you give it to her? And, why did you-"
"This is between me and the Lady Morgana," Morgause said coldly. "I suggest you follow your prince, little sorcerer, before he leaves without you."
Merlin glared at her, but turned and followed Arthur out of the courtyard, the castle, and off the isle.
~*~
Arthur rode on, hard and fast, ignoring all of Merlin's protests. He didn't stop once, and when they were sighted by some of Odin's soldiers, they just barreled on past them.
In the courtyard, Merlin watched helplessly as Arthur ran up the stairs, and he ended up losing Arthur.
"What happened?" Gwen asked in the corridor, where she'd been walking with some laundry.
"I'll explain later," Merlin said. "I have to find Gaius."
~*~
"Get out. All of you. I need to talk to my father alone."
"Arthur, what's going on?"
"You too, Madog."
"Like hell-"
"Leave us! All of you. I need to have a...private discussion...with my son."
"Father-"
"You too, Madog. This is between me and Arthur."
~*~
"Gaius...Arthur was born of magic, wasn't he?"
"Merlin-"
"Wasn't he?"
"...yes..."
"...was Nimueh involved?"
"She was the sorceress who did the magic necessary."
"...did the Queen give her life for Arthur?"
"Yes."
"...did she love Arthur?"
"Do you really have to ask?"
~*~
Merlin raced down the hallways, and skidded to halt to see Madog standing a nervous guard outside the doors of the council hall.
"What are you doing?" he snapped as Merlin headed for the door. "Arthur is in a private audience with the king."
"You have to let me in!" Merlin cried out. "Your father and your brother are going to kill each other if we don't!"
Madog seemed only too relieved to have a reason open the council doors.
Inside, Madog froze, stunned at the sight of Arthur pinning the king to his throne by the sword. Merlin stared, stared at the fury and grief in Arthur's face, stared at the tears simmering in his eyes, and he stared at the point of the sword resting in the hollow of the king's throat.
"What's going on?" Madog finally shouted, drawing his sword, lethal eyes focused on his brother.
"He killed mother!" Arthur shouted, shaking gripping his terrified father's shoulders.
Madog froze again.
Then, he turned his eyes slowly onto his father, and Merlin wondered, hysterically, at the power of their love for their dead mother, to be able to so easily turn the gilded prince against his father, his king.
"Is it true?" he asked. He approached them slowly, rushing to the aid of neither his brother or his father.
"No," Uther hissed. "Morgause is an enchantress - she must have been lying!"
Merlin shut his eyes for one brief moment, and hoped Arthur could forgive him, later, for what he was about to do, now.
"He's right, Arthur," Merlin said, hoarsely. "She...that...that mirage was...was an illusion."
Arthur was trembling where he held his father. Madog stiffened, his grip on his sword tightening as he glared at his father, looking hesitantly between him and Arthur.
"It was all a lie, to turn you against your father!" Merlin said.
"Listen to him," Uther said, to both his sons, sweat beading down his face.
"If you kill your father, the kingdom will be weak enough for her to destroy it!" Merlin said. That would jolt both princes, both of whom cared for their people.
There was a pause, and some odd expression must have passed across Arthur's face when Uther's eyes snapped up to him again, before suddenly, he said, to Uther, "Swear it."
A brief moment of silence where Merlin wondered if they'd lost their minds, before Madog repeated to Uther, voice cold and hard. "Swear it. Swear you aren't responsible for our mother's death," he said. For once, the two brothers were standing together, and against the Father of all things. It was a majestic sight, and for a brief moment, Merlin knew that whoever was king, they could rule Albion together with brilliance.
"I swear," Uther said, relieved. "I swear on my life that I loved your mother. There isn't a day that passes that I don't wish she was still alive."
There was a moment of tense silence as Merlin wondered what the princes would do.
Arthur collapsed, falling to his knees beside his father's throne. Merlin could hear the hitched breaths and see his quaking chest, even as Uther leaned down and kissed his son's head.
"I love you," Merlin heard him murmur. That broke the dam, Arthur sobbing as the emotional weight of the last few days finally landed on his heart.
And Madog was suddenly there beside them, on his knees beside his brother. He wrapped an arm around Arthur's shoulders, and leaned his own head against Arthur's, and Uther's arm encompassed them both.
For one moment, they were not a king and two princes. They were a father and two sons, however dysfunctional and insane they were. Whatever their royalty and trials, they were a family.
Merlin only wished this could last.
He knew it wouldn't.
~*~
"Was that really my mother?"
"I don't know."
"Take your best guess, then! You're a powerful sorcerer, you must have felt something!"
"...I think...that your mother was human. That any ghosts that exist would be the spirit of a human. And that humans can be lied to, and manipulated."
"That's not much of an answer."
"That's all I've got."
~*~
"Merlin...you must've been tempted. After all, your life would be much easier if Uther were to die."
"Yeah...but I couldn't do that to them, either Arthur or Madog...and if Arthur had killed him - no matter how much he already disagrees with Uther...it would've destroyed him."
"I'm proud of you, Merlin."
"...Arthur's relieved, Uther's thanking me, Madog's grateful, you're proud...I've never been this popular!"
~*~
"Arthur?"
Arthur looked up from where he had been writing some letters at his desk to see Madog in his door. Upon gaining acknowledgment, Madog stepped inside and shut the door to Arthur's room, as Arthur, himself, stood up.
Arthur could already guess, vaguely, what was on Madog's mind. It was only yesterday, and while no one else knew exactly what had happened besides Merlin, the whole castle knew by now that something had happened to deeply shake the royal family.
"...I was young, when Mother died," Madog started.
Arthur shut his eyes in pain, the wounds still fresh from yesterday, but Madog said, "No, hey, listen." He opened his eyes again to see Madog sitting on his bed, and gesturing for Arthur to come over and sit with him. And suddenly, as they sat crosslegged on the bed facing each other, it was like they were children again, like they were once again little boys sniggering at their discoveries from a night of spying on banquet feasts, seeing the politics of the nobles and the king and watching their destinies unfold before them, from the shadows of the servant tunnels and announcer's balcony.
Those were just memories, now. They no longer spent nights curled up around each other, speculating about the kingdom and whispering deep thoughts only children ever understood and idle promises of thick blood between brothers. They no longer shared their secrets, their shadowed thoughts. They were strangers, now.
Now, Arthur had Morgana and Gwen and even Gaius, somewhat, and most of all, he had Merlin.
He didn't know who Madog had.
Sitting like this, like they did when they were little boys who still looked forward to their futures and felt excitement and anticipation instead of fear and dread, that realization didn't disturb Arthur all that much - far less than he knew it should.
Madog spent a few moments collecting his thoughts, before saying, "I was young...but I have some memories, however vague. Before the purges...there was a woman in the Court. I know she wasn't noble born, but she was powerful. She dressed oddly and was eccentric, but she was still a Council member, and...I'm pretty sure she was friends with Mother, when no one was around. Certainly, Mother was willing to act like a mother, than a queen, when it was just us. The woman..."
"...was the sorceress? Court Sorcerer?" Arthur asked quietly. He remembered the name. "Nimueh?"
"I think so," Madog said. "But...the implications of it-"
"I know."
Madog looked both surprised and confused.
"Father swore that he loved Mother. He swore that he wished she was still here. But he never swore that he wasn't responsible for her death."
Madog slowly nodded.
"...I still killed Mother, though, didn't I?" Arthur said, quietly, looking down at where his ankles crossed.
"No," Madog said. "Her death wasn't...someone did kill her. But it wasn't you. And even if...well, Mother adored you. I know she used to tell me stories every night. When she found out she was with child, she told stories like you were already born and listening and with us, even when she was still flat and no sign of you showed on her body at all."
Arthur felt pangs of envy and jealousy rip through his heart as he listened. What kind of story teller was she like? What stories did she tell? What was her voice like when she spoke? What did he miss? What did he take away from his world?
"She always went on about how I was going to be a big brother. That I would have to look after you, no matter what."
He paused.
"You were always my little brother, first and foremost. No matter what else, succession crises, my insecurities, whether or not I could or would be king...I always knew I was your big brother."
Why did he sound so sad?
"But you don't need me, anymore. The last year or two, especially, but..." Madog was focused on Arthur's ankles, too. "I'm Prince Madog of Camelot, but I can no longer be sure I'm Madog, Older Brother of Arthur."
Arthur didn't know, either.
"You're..." he paused. "For me, you were always just Madog. Whatever else you did or were...you were Madog." Sometimes protector, sometimes adversary, even if Madog hadn't seen it that way. "You're still Madog."
He reached out and took Madog's hands in his own.
They were children again, whispering hushed promises to each other in the light of the setting sun. They were strangers, trying to find a common bond in their mother, their father, their kingdom. In their brotherhood. In themselves.
Arthur wondered if they found it.
~*~
"Are we still brothers? I can be confidant and strong around anyone else, Merlin...but around my own brother, I feel so small and lost."
"I think that's your answer right there."
"...you really aren't good with this whole 'answering questions' thing, are you?"
~*~
"You should have let Arthur kill Uther."
"How can you say that?! You're his ward!"
"He slaughters our kind, ruthlessly and without remorse."
"He's misguided, yeah, but-"
"-he still would kill us, despite my closeness and your loyalty, just because of our magic. Our life would be easier without him."
"...it would have devastated Arthur, destroyed him, to kill his own father."
"It will destroy many others, the sorcerers who will continue to die, in the name of Uther's madness. Is Arthur worth it?"
"Yes."
"Not a single moment of hesitation?"
"No. I love Arthur, and would do anything for him."
"Uther loves Ygraine, and will do anything for her - and is."
"I would never-!"
"Watch yourself, Merlin. You're starting to decide who deserves to die and who doesn't."
"So?"
"So...don't become Uther."
~*~
Please leave lots of reviews. They make my day, and I could really use that right about now.
As always, praise and concrit alike are welcome, as are corrections on any grammar or Americanisms I've made so I can improve on them in future chapters.
~*~
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Master Post
Remember, Comments are love ♥!
Summary: Merlin is happy to dedicate his life and soul to Arthur when he comes to Camelot, even though he knows the dragon is wrong, and Arthur will never be king. How can he be, when he is the second son?
Rating: R
Word Count: 7000
Pairings/Character: Arthur/Merlin, OMC
Warnings/Content: violence,
Beta: none
Notes: School sucks, my district sucks, life sucks, so I'm posting fic to deal with it.
~*~
Master Post
<< Previous Chapter
Chapter 08: In The Name of Our Mother
Merlin stood, fidgety in the background, as Uther bade the new knights to arise. With great ceremony, Uther addressed the new knights of Camelot, with a voice of command and respect, that of a king to his protectors, extensions of his own heart, the hands of his crown.
"You see the greatest virtues of knighthood in my two sons, Arthur and Madog..."
He fought the urge to roll his eyes. Uther only recently started including Arthur in this little speech he gave every knighting, but Arthur still had to fight down a big grin from splitting across his face every time. Merlin could see him only barely suppressing it from way over here, and that alone redeemed this general stuffiness. Really, did all the speeches have to be this long? The knights were enjoying their moment, basking in the attention as everyone admired them, the new warriors of the heart of Camelot. Why ruin it with boring old speeches from not-much-less boring old people?
Oh, well, it just mean more food and wine for the servants to pilfer. That made these feasts worth it. Nobles were so wasteful, and the kitchen staff kept an extra morsel of various treats in the meals to accommodate the servants nicking some and nibbling on it to and from the hall. And nobles were all so wasteful, and the food was brilliant.
"You seem in good mood," Gwen muttered.
"Why not?"
Gwen sighed. "Morgana thinks something is going to happen...not bad, just...big..."
Merlin frowned. Never underestimate Morgana's visions, no matter how vague or random or completely nonsensical they were.
"How big?"
Gwen paused. "She said...she had a dream of a knight, and a dream of...of the queen. She said they feel connected."
The queen.
That alone made Merlin nervous, suddenly forgetting about the food and wine awaiting him and Gwen and thinking instead of what could connect a knight to the queen. One of these new knights, perhaps? But how? These were all young men, Arthur's age give or take a few years - how could they possibly be connected to Queen Ygraine?
"How come she didn't mention these earlier?" he asked. If he had more time, and access to Gaius's library-
"The dream knight was last night - the queen was in the nap she had this afternoon after we snuck away for some sparring...she didn't say it was bad, just...unnerving..."
Merlin sighed, but nodded. "A lot of things about magic are unnerving. But I'll keep my eyes out." They would have to pray and wing it.
She nodded, neither of them concerned by now, which probably said something about the hectic chaos that was their daily life, but oh well.
"So," she said again, as Uther started to wind down his speech. "Good mood?"
Merlin grinned. "Yeah - all the chores done, Arthur got an entire extra lunch and foisted it off onto me, Morgana and I got the hand of rock shaping...why wouldn't I be in a good mood? And the food!"
"Have you smelled the new marinating sauces used on the pheasant?" Gwen asked, her own smile perking in anticipation of the feast servants' perks.
"Mmm," Merlin answered with a big grin. "Today is a good day!"
"And this has nothing to do with the ruffled hair and bruise on your neck you had this morning?" a voice asked slyly from behind.
"Morgana!" he said, laughing as the new knights started congratulating each other and thanking the king and princes. The Lady looked a little harried, signs of her visions, but her smile was genuine, enjoying the night and no doubt planning her reign of feminine terror over the new knights of Camelot.
"Merlin, you're blushing!" she said. Merlin unfortunately was, and stuck his tongue out to the Lady for the briefest of moments before turning back to Gwen.
"Like you're much better," Merlin grumbled at her.
Gwen laughed. "I at least know discretion and moderation, Merlin."
"Oh, yes, I'm sure," Morgana said. "Except when it comes to me, I hope?"
"Of course, milday."
"Otherwise, I might just have to start scrying to keep an eye on you," she continued, before pausing and looking at Merlin. "I don't suppose you know how? I saw a spell for that in the book..."
"Never bothered learning it," Merlin said. "You'd have much better luck with it than I, though, as a Seer. Take a look at it...though I'm pretty sure it's meant to keep an eye on attacking enemies, not spy on your friends."
"I'm not spying," Morgana said. "Just...getting all the details. Gwen and I tell each other all about it, later!" Suddenly, she grinned. "Maybe we'll use it to 'keep an eye' on you and Arthur-"
"Hey!" he said, feeling his face heat up at the prospect of them watching him and Arthur-
CLANG
The entire hall quieted at the noise of trouble in the outer halls. The jovial mood vanished instantly, the room chilling in temper and temperature.
This can't be good.
The knights and Princes went forward towards the door while everyone else backed up, and everyone was ready for an attack when the doors burst open.
A single, lone knight in full armor walked in, and behind Merlin, Morgana gasped.
"That him!" she hissed, leaning into his ear to whisper without anyone else hearing. "The knight from my dream! I dreamt about him last night!"
For a moment, the knight was still, as if he hadn't taken down half the outer guard of Camelot single-handedly on his way in. He faced the two princes, before its hands came up, and pulled up a gauntlet.
While all the knights were wary, they stepped back, recognizing a challenge about to be issued - probably to one of the princes, because you wouldn't interrupt a knight ceremony like this otherwise. Merlin narrowed his eyes at the knight, wondering why the hell Morgana would dream such a thing.
Madog, who regularly had to accept challenges to defend the honor of the throne of Camelot, stepped forward, but the knight shook its head, before throwing down the gauntlet-
Merlin's blood ran cold when it landed in front of Arthur, instead.
There was stunned silence, throughout the hall, and Merlin wondered frantically just who the hell Arthur had pissed off lately, because to challenge him wasn't challenging Camelot, but simply Arthur, and really, Arthur generally didn't cause too much trouble with other nobles, and maybe he slighted someone in one of those weird Court ways that no one in their right minds understood, or maybe he snubbed someone in their bed after Uther sent him, or maybe-
Arthur picked up the gauntlet.
No, no, no, that daft idiot!
"...this won't end well," Morgana whispered in his ear, shaking her head like a mare in distress. "I can feel it in my magic - this won't...Arthur will...he won't be hurt...but he will be?"
Right now, he hated the ambiguity of magic.
Merlin started to turn around, but Morgana shook her head. "He won't die...I don't think he'll even be harmed...but...this won't end well..."
"Considering I have accepted your challenge," Arthur said calmly, all the dignity befitting a prince. "The least you could do is reveal who you are."
More silence, before the knight reached up, and slowly pulled off his-
...her helmet.
"My name," she said to the shocked Court. "Is Morgause."
~*~
"I can't believe this is actually legal," Madog said, leaning against the council table as Geoffrey finished explaining the results of his search through three hundred years of Camelot's law.
"It simply never occurred to anyone that a woman would issue a challenge," Geoffrey said. "So no one thought to forbid it."
"Well," Arthur said, taking a deep breath. "I accepted the challenge...I will fight. I will just...keep in mind that it is a woman I am fighting."
"No ordinary woman," Father said. "She is skilled - she took down half the guard on her way in without a scratch."
Arthur nodded. He remembered Morgana's warning of a 'bad feeling' about all this.
Oddly enough, she didn't seem to feel anything towards the knight - Morgause - in particular. Just the situation.
And something else that he knew she wasn't telling him just yet.
"I will fight," Arthur said. With echos of Morgana's warning and Merlin's worry ringing about through his head, he knew he would have to ignore the fact she was a woman - he would have to fight his hardest against her.
"The match will be tomorrow at noon," Father said, with a sigh. "Exactly as announced."
"Good luck," Madog muttered doubtfully. The king rolled his eyes, and Arthur just ignored him.
Arthur nodded, and headed up to his chambers as soon as he was dismissed.
He gave a single, quick knock to his door, before he unlocked and opened it so's not to startle the trio inside.
"I fight tomorrow at noon," he announced as he closed the door. As soon as he did, everything on the fruit tray lifted up and started dancing in a haphazard orb in Morgana's worry, while Merlin's lip-biting translated into the bed remaking itself, the broom sweeping about, and his entire wardrobe dumping out of the armoire and refolding itself back in again, everything that had been frozen when he stepped in coming to life. Gwen sighed in exasperation when the dress she had been mending started to mend itself, and she had to snatched the needle from midair and thump a fist against the wavering dress in order to get back to doing it herself. Merlin didn't notice.
For a moment, Arthur felt an irrational surge of pride as he watched it all happen around him. Merlin and Morgana lived in a constant state of terror, and there were very few times and places where they would ever perform this much magic, especially all at once. He was, glad, though, that it was his chambers that served as on of those places, and his presence as one of those times.
"Relax," Arthur said. "She's good, but she can't be as good as me."
"Right, because you are absolutely infallible!" Morgana snapped.
"No, because I'm a damn good knight, one of the best in the kingdom," Arthur said. "Everything will be fine."
Merlin and Morgana shared only the briefest of glances, but Arthur sighed - especially when Gwen looked down to her dress from his face guiltily.
"All right," he said. "What aren't you telling me?"
Morgana worried her hands as the fruit followed suit, and Merlin sighed, making a gesture towards him accompanied with a significant look towards his adopted sister.
"I..." Morgana sighed, sitting down across from Arthur and studying him carefully as she did so. "I didn't just foresee the knight Morgause. And I saw...I saw your mother, and Morgause somehow is going to be connected to her."
Arthur sat there, numb.
His mother?!
"I...she..."
"Not just the queen," Morgana muttered. "But specifically as your mother."
Arthur shut his eyes. "What did you...what did you see about her?"
"I'm...I'm not sure. I just know she was...present? It's hard to explain. I knew she was existing in my vision. But mostly I saw the knight, fighting you."
"Do I win?"
"I don't know," Morgana said.
Arthur rubbed the brdige of his nose. "Well, then...I'll just have to fight her, then see what it is, exactly, that she wants."
~*~
Merlin was silent as Arthur fumed after the match. Though the prince, too, was quiet, his entire body was riled and tense, shame from losing the fight exuding from every pore as Merlin slowly peeled off his armor.
"What did she...what did she say?" Merlin asked. "When she had you at sword point?"
"...she wanted to ask something of me, and made me swear I would do it," Arthur said simply, before shutting his eyes as he hung his head. "Goddamnit...people already think I'm useless enough, but now to lose to a woman...!"
Merlin pulled off the last bit of armor and rubbed Arthur's back through the chainmail.
"...well, you did put up one hell of a fight," Merlin said. "I don't think anyone will think too badly of you - she was...really, really good, is all, so people won't think that you're bad or anything, just..."
"...thank you, Merlin, but shut up."
~*~
"No! I forbid it!" Father cried out as Madog and Arthur stood before him.
Arthur couldn't care less.
"I want to hear what she knows about my mother," Arthur said, firmly.
"Obviously, she's lying," Madog scoffed. "She's probably a sorceress. It would explain how she won, if nothing else. And really, she can't be much older than me, how can she possibly know Mother?"
"The same way you do," Arthur snapped, whirling on his brother. "And seeing as you and father never like to talk about her, you will have to excuse me for going to see anyone who-"
"Don't blame this on us," Madog said. "Do you any idea how painful it is to talk about her?"
"Do you have any idea what it feels like to not know her at all?!" Arthur shouted, years of fury erupting right now. Now. Such awful and perfect timing. He wondered if letting out some of his anger instead of holding it all in might do some good after all like Merlin claimed it would. "At least you have some memories of mother, at least you had some time with her! At least you got to know her-"
"I barely remember her!" he shouted.
"But you do - you do and I don't," Arthur said. He was suddenly grateful that it was just them. As if losing to a woman in combat weren't bad enough, now he was on the edge of being denied the chance to get to know the one person he desired to the meet the most and never would. "I have nothing, nothing! I have no memories, and most of what I know I've had to get from listening to servants gossip about her because you refuse to tell me anything about her! I miss her, damnit-"
"You have no right to miss her when she died when you were born!" Madog shouted. "She died because you were born! You-"
"Silence!"
Both boys stopped, their faces inches away from each other where they were leaned over the table, and turned to see Father standing, also leaning on the table and staring them both down.
"Madog," he hissed. "You will not blame your brother for your mother's death. Ever. Is that understood?"
"Father-"
"Is that understood?" Uther said, face red in fury.
"...yes, father," Madog said, swallowing as he pushed himself off and backed away from the table. Father almost never got this furious with either of them.
The king stopped and took several deep breaths, eyes closed, as he visibly calmed himself, while Arthur looked at him in confusion. Why the hell was Father defending him?
Finally, Father turned to Arthur. "I understand why you want to go. But she's dangerous - I make no delusions of that because of her sex. You will not go!"
Arthur clenched his jaw.
"And don't think about running off in the middle of the night," Father said. "I'm your father, I know you - I will have guards posted outside your doors until you realize just how dangerous this is!"
"...you can't stop me," Arthur pleaded. The anger was gone, drained out of the shocked and grieving look on his father's face as he demanded Madog never again blame Arthur for Mother's death. Now, there was just desperation, to have a little piece of what Madog had and Father had and he didn't - a little piece of his mother in his heart. "Please. If you want to keep your silence, fine, but let me learn something about the woman who died to give birth to me! She gave her life for mine - I have to do this!"
"...no," the king repeated. "I will not lose you to to this enchantress's lies. Go to your chambers and stay there, and don't do something to get yourself killed in the memory of a corpse!"
Madog and Arthur both paled at hearing Uther talk about their mother like that, and for one brief, hysterical moment, Arthur thought Madog might actually challenge Father on Mother's behalf. But they both saw the raging fury and grief in Father's eyes, and they knew when to back down.
They both walked out without dismissal, and Uther didn't call them out on it as they left.
"I'll escort my brother to his chambers," Madog said, waving off the guards.
Arthur frowned, but went with his brother.
They walked in silence. The servants bowed away as usual, moreso - the staff knew when to avoid the royal family, and Arthur wasn't surprised if he, at least, was exuding anger and frustration from every pore.
When they reached Arthur's chambers, and Madog followed Arthur inside, he narrowed his eyes at his brother when he stood in front of the fireplace. Arthur waited by his bed for his brother to speak his piece.
"Tonight," Madog said. "I am going to assign the guards for the east gate. My options will include two young soldiers, new to the guard, and an old drunkard."
Arthur's lungs froze as the gravity of what his brother was offering him sunk in.
"...tell me what you find," Madog said, turning to face Arthur, his expression earnest. "I have memories of Mother...but they are few and vague. With many of them, I'm not even sure if they are real or conjured up of my mind."
Arthur shut his eyes, weighing the power of Merlin's magic against the ease of his brother's capacity to let him slip out of Camelot.
"No," he said, opening his eyes.
Madog stared at him in shock.
"You have your memories of Mother," Arthur said. "Let me have mine."
Madog's face hardened over.
"My options for tonight will also include veteran guards who know when to listen to the matricidal prince's orders and when to listen to the king's," he ground out harshly, storming out of the room.
Arthur stared at the closed door.
Matricidal prince.
He hoped he'd done the right thing, just now.
He wondered what the hell the right thing was.
~*~
"It's enchanted," Merlin said, sitting back from magically examining the bracelet Morgause had given Morgana. "But the spells are pretty harmless...they might even be good for you." They were dream spells, mostly spells to ward off bad dreams.
Morgana sighed as she looked at the bracelet, where Merlin held it hovering over her table. "I've been trying to discern this crest...it looks...familiar, but..."
"Let's go ask Geoffrey," Merlin said, fairly confident as they headed up the castle halls. Gaius's library could only offer so much, and Geoffrey seemed delighted to have regular visitors so young - especially with one being the king's ward, herself.
"Morgause feels familiar, too," Morgana said. "I feel like I know her, but I swear I never met her...I think I may have dreamed of her when I was young - that's what it feels like."
"What did she say?" Merlin found himself asking again.
"...she asked that I remember her fondly," Morgana said, confused. Merlin felt the same.
"Well...I'll try to ask her more when Arthur and I go after her," Merlin said.
"On that note, Gwen brought the rope - it's in my chambers," she said absently, still studying the bracelet. "You can get it on the way up."
Merlin nodded as they reached the library, mentally re-running the escape plan through his head.
Ten minutes later, he was holding onto Morgana's shoulder as she stared in shock between the crest on the bracelet and the crest on the paper. They were identical, and they were for the House of Gorlois.
"...what the hell is going on?" Merlin murmured to himself as Morgana stared between the two.
This Morgause character was going to have a lot of explaining to do.
~*~
"...so we're following the horse?"
"Yes, Merlin, we're following the horse."
"..."
"Don't you know any type of magic that can do that?"
"Well, yes, but...really, following the horse? Couldn't she have just given us some directions?"
"She did, it's in the horse...why the hell am I the one saying this?!"
"Because I don't trust her! Why is she being so secretive, why did she make you promise this in combat, and why did she have a bracelet with the House of Gorlois crest on it - and why does she care about Morgana so much?"
"...sometimes, Merlin, I'm not sure what's worse: your influence on me, or my influence on you."
"You could do with being more cautious!"
"That's what I have you for."
"Prat."
"Idiot."
~*~
"...she died before I opened my eyes," Arthur said, as he stared into the fire. At least he was pretty sure that was it. She died at his birth, at any rate. "My father knew her well, obviously, and my brother has a few vague memories of her...but father started not talking about her, then Madog followed suit, then...everyone just...I guess they took it as a silent order - no one talked about my mother. Most of what I know about her...it's mostly from servants gossip, and...whenever I do something that reminds people of her, and they tell me. Not to mention that I look just like her."
Merlin laid a comforting arm around Arthur's shoulders, and Arthur leaned in slightly to the comfort.
"What about you?"
"I never met my father," Merlin admitted. "He left before I was born, and mother never talked about him...but I was fine. People looked out for me in the village, even though most of them thought I was odd. My mother was strong. I think...my magic probably came from my father, whoever or whatever he was. To be honest, that was the only reason I'd ever wanted to actually go out and look for him...otherwise, I never really missed him beyond passing fancies..."
"Were there a lot of those 'passing fancies'?" Arthur asked, turning his head to face Merlin.
Merlin swallowed. "When...when I was little, and some other boys...well, 'bastard child' doesn't really matter much when you're not a noble...but it still hurts. When I got older, though, I stopped caring."
"...you shouldn't," Arthur said. "It's your father."
"Yeah, well...it's not like caring will get me anywhere," Merlin said. "It'll just cause me pain at this point. My mother won't talk about him and I have nothing of my own to go on, so...I might as well just focus on things I can do something about."
Arthur sighed, turning back to face the fire and leaning fully into Merlin's one-armed embrace. "Maybe one day, she'll talk, and you can go look for him. I'll help."
He could feel Merlin's soft, half-indulgent smile without looking, and then he could feel the soft press of Merlin's lips against the crown of his head.
"Thanks," he said softly. "And I promise - I'll help you figure out this thing with your mother."
That night, they lay curled into each other on their shared bedroll. Arthur reached out and swept some hair off a sleeping Merlin's face, smiling sadly, and wondering what he did to deserve Merlin. And as much as he knew he hadn't done much for it, he hoped what little he has managed to accomplish in his life would be enough to make his mother proud of him.
~*~
"There's magic in the air," Merlin said with no irony in his voice as they neared the waterfall. He cast his hand out, and frowned when he realized the water was resisting his attempts to keep it from wetting them. He knew if he pushed harder, he could probably make the spell work, but it would also be very easily noticeable magic even if Morgause wasn't watching them carefully, and as such, he kept it to himself for now as they rode underneath, getting drenched along the way.
They knotted and dropped their horses' reins in the lush grass and headed through the rather pointed opening into a small courtyard of sorts.
Within moments, Morgause was there. It was oddly startling to see her in the dress after seeing her in nothing but men's garb, but this sudden bout of femininity after her demonstration of physical strength only confirmed for Merlin that she was magic.
He watched them, barely hearing their talk, but he panicked as Arthur actually listened to her and then he fucking put his head on the chopping block and then the damned woman was raising the axe above her head and-
He hadn't even thought when he lashed out with his magic. Morgause's eyes widened as the axe was floating well above all of them, and a moment later, Arthur, pushing himself up to face him, shouted in anger, "Merlin!"
"You can keep your word to listen to her," Merlin said. "But I never made any promises to stand by and just let you die!"
"Well make it now," Arthur said, cold anger in his voice. "I'll be damned if you ruin this out of your stupid protective-"
"You won't be able to find out anything about your mother if you're dead-"
"You're a sorcerer?"
They both turned to face the witch at her question. She was obviously slightly stunned, but her face was composed and her head held high, and only her eyes gave away the depth of her surprise.
"...yes, he is," Arthur said. "And one who will give back the axe so we may go on-"
"Like hell!"
"Put it down," Morgause said, looking with narrowed eyes between Arthur and Merlin, before focusing on Arthur. "I only did this to test how true you are to your word. I see you truly are a man of honor." She paused, then looked back at Merlin. "And yet...I believe you have vows to eradicate magic from the kingdom?"
"No. But I do have vows to protect my people and honor those who are loyal to me," Arthur said, staring her head on. Merlin slowly lowered the axe to the ground, watching her suspiciously. Nonetheless, he followed her when she turned and led them on.
Another courtyard, larger, lit by candles, and with a dais in the middle. He could recognize that this would be used for powerful magic. The giant crystal, if nothing else, was a big give away. He could feel it brushing his magic even as he held his magic back. Whatever this was, he needed to remain apart from it to keep an eye on things and make sure Arthur lived.
He wondered what Morgause was up to.
~*~
"I..." he felt his throat tighten. "I cannot bear the thought...of killing...that I took you away from Father and Madog..."
"I give my life to you willingly...from the moment you opened your eyes, I loved you. You were beautiful, and you still are, in body and heart."
Arthur stared at his mother, a slow, watery smile on his face.
Mother - Mother - smiled at him. "I'm proud of you."
He never wanted to leave.
"I...I..." Arthur swallowed, and he felt he would shatter as she gently cupped his face with her hands - and he could feel them, they were real, she was here, with him, he didn't want to leave here, ever-
"You are a wonderful prince, and knight, and leader," she said softly. "But most of all, you are a wonderful man. Prince or King, you will always look after your people, and do good by Camelot."
"I..." he shook his head. "I'm...I'm so sorry...to have...caused your death..."
"It is not your fault," she said, before her voice, her expression, became sad. He didn't want her to be sad. "It is your father's."
And he listened, blood boiling, to the accounts of his father's betrayal, how the sorceress Nimueh had caused her to conceive her second son, only for her to have to forfeit her life in the end, so Arthur may live.
"And yet," she said. "I am glad."
"N-no," he said. "You...I'm just a...you shouldn't have had to die for me!"
"But I did," she said. "And you were worth it, and so much more. I could not have asked for a better son."
"Mother...I love you," he said, hating all the chances he never got to say that in his life.
"Me too," she said, smiling like only a mother could. "I love you, Arthur."
Arthur shut his eyes, and sighed as he felt her kiss his forehead.
And suddenly, she was gone.
"NO!"
His eyes shot open to see the emptiness before him, and he whirled around to face Morgause. "Bring her back!" He had hugged mother, held her in his arms! It couldn't be over! He couldn't have only a few moments with her!
"I cannot," she said simply. "I can only bring her back once."
No, no, no, no, no! IT wasn't fair, she was his mother, damnit, he had to have her back, now!
Merlin narrowed his eyes at her, and Arthur, for a moment, wondered why, but right now, he had bigger problems to deal with.
If he couldn't hold his mother ever again, he'd focus on something he could do.
Avenging her.
"Merlin," he said gruffly. "Let's go-"
"Wait!" Merlin shouted, still focused on Morgause
Arthur turned, wondering how the hell Merlin expected him to wait-
"What's with you and Morgana?" Merlin said. "That bracelet - the crest is the House of Gorlois. How do you have it? Why? And why'd you give it to her? And, why did you-"
"This is between me and the Lady Morgana," Morgause said coldly. "I suggest you follow your prince, little sorcerer, before he leaves without you."
Merlin glared at her, but turned and followed Arthur out of the courtyard, the castle, and off the isle.
~*~
Arthur rode on, hard and fast, ignoring all of Merlin's protests. He didn't stop once, and when they were sighted by some of Odin's soldiers, they just barreled on past them.
In the courtyard, Merlin watched helplessly as Arthur ran up the stairs, and he ended up losing Arthur.
"What happened?" Gwen asked in the corridor, where she'd been walking with some laundry.
"I'll explain later," Merlin said. "I have to find Gaius."
~*~
"Get out. All of you. I need to talk to my father alone."
"Arthur, what's going on?"
"You too, Madog."
"Like hell-"
"Leave us! All of you. I need to have a...private discussion...with my son."
"Father-"
"You too, Madog. This is between me and Arthur."
~*~
"Gaius...Arthur was born of magic, wasn't he?"
"Merlin-"
"Wasn't he?"
"...yes..."
"...was Nimueh involved?"
"She was the sorceress who did the magic necessary."
"...did the Queen give her life for Arthur?"
"Yes."
"...did she love Arthur?"
"Do you really have to ask?"
~*~
Merlin raced down the hallways, and skidded to halt to see Madog standing a nervous guard outside the doors of the council hall.
"What are you doing?" he snapped as Merlin headed for the door. "Arthur is in a private audience with the king."
"You have to let me in!" Merlin cried out. "Your father and your brother are going to kill each other if we don't!"
Madog seemed only too relieved to have a reason open the council doors.
Inside, Madog froze, stunned at the sight of Arthur pinning the king to his throne by the sword. Merlin stared, stared at the fury and grief in Arthur's face, stared at the tears simmering in his eyes, and he stared at the point of the sword resting in the hollow of the king's throat.
"What's going on?" Madog finally shouted, drawing his sword, lethal eyes focused on his brother.
"He killed mother!" Arthur shouted, shaking gripping his terrified father's shoulders.
Madog froze again.
Then, he turned his eyes slowly onto his father, and Merlin wondered, hysterically, at the power of their love for their dead mother, to be able to so easily turn the gilded prince against his father, his king.
"Is it true?" he asked. He approached them slowly, rushing to the aid of neither his brother or his father.
"No," Uther hissed. "Morgause is an enchantress - she must have been lying!"
Merlin shut his eyes for one brief moment, and hoped Arthur could forgive him, later, for what he was about to do, now.
"He's right, Arthur," Merlin said, hoarsely. "She...that...that mirage was...was an illusion."
Arthur was trembling where he held his father. Madog stiffened, his grip on his sword tightening as he glared at his father, looking hesitantly between him and Arthur.
"It was all a lie, to turn you against your father!" Merlin said.
"Listen to him," Uther said, to both his sons, sweat beading down his face.
"If you kill your father, the kingdom will be weak enough for her to destroy it!" Merlin said. That would jolt both princes, both of whom cared for their people.
There was a pause, and some odd expression must have passed across Arthur's face when Uther's eyes snapped up to him again, before suddenly, he said, to Uther, "Swear it."
A brief moment of silence where Merlin wondered if they'd lost their minds, before Madog repeated to Uther, voice cold and hard. "Swear it. Swear you aren't responsible for our mother's death," he said. For once, the two brothers were standing together, and against the Father of all things. It was a majestic sight, and for a brief moment, Merlin knew that whoever was king, they could rule Albion together with brilliance.
"I swear," Uther said, relieved. "I swear on my life that I loved your mother. There isn't a day that passes that I don't wish she was still alive."
There was a moment of tense silence as Merlin wondered what the princes would do.
Arthur collapsed, falling to his knees beside his father's throne. Merlin could hear the hitched breaths and see his quaking chest, even as Uther leaned down and kissed his son's head.
"I love you," Merlin heard him murmur. That broke the dam, Arthur sobbing as the emotional weight of the last few days finally landed on his heart.
And Madog was suddenly there beside them, on his knees beside his brother. He wrapped an arm around Arthur's shoulders, and leaned his own head against Arthur's, and Uther's arm encompassed them both.
For one moment, they were not a king and two princes. They were a father and two sons, however dysfunctional and insane they were. Whatever their royalty and trials, they were a family.
Merlin only wished this could last.
He knew it wouldn't.
~*~
"Was that really my mother?"
"I don't know."
"Take your best guess, then! You're a powerful sorcerer, you must have felt something!"
"...I think...that your mother was human. That any ghosts that exist would be the spirit of a human. And that humans can be lied to, and manipulated."
"That's not much of an answer."
"That's all I've got."
~*~
"Merlin...you must've been tempted. After all, your life would be much easier if Uther were to die."
"Yeah...but I couldn't do that to them, either Arthur or Madog...and if Arthur had killed him - no matter how much he already disagrees with Uther...it would've destroyed him."
"I'm proud of you, Merlin."
"...Arthur's relieved, Uther's thanking me, Madog's grateful, you're proud...I've never been this popular!"
~*~
"Arthur?"
Arthur looked up from where he had been writing some letters at his desk to see Madog in his door. Upon gaining acknowledgment, Madog stepped inside and shut the door to Arthur's room, as Arthur, himself, stood up.
Arthur could already guess, vaguely, what was on Madog's mind. It was only yesterday, and while no one else knew exactly what had happened besides Merlin, the whole castle knew by now that something had happened to deeply shake the royal family.
"...I was young, when Mother died," Madog started.
Arthur shut his eyes in pain, the wounds still fresh from yesterday, but Madog said, "No, hey, listen." He opened his eyes again to see Madog sitting on his bed, and gesturing for Arthur to come over and sit with him. And suddenly, as they sat crosslegged on the bed facing each other, it was like they were children again, like they were once again little boys sniggering at their discoveries from a night of spying on banquet feasts, seeing the politics of the nobles and the king and watching their destinies unfold before them, from the shadows of the servant tunnels and announcer's balcony.
Those were just memories, now. They no longer spent nights curled up around each other, speculating about the kingdom and whispering deep thoughts only children ever understood and idle promises of thick blood between brothers. They no longer shared their secrets, their shadowed thoughts. They were strangers, now.
Now, Arthur had Morgana and Gwen and even Gaius, somewhat, and most of all, he had Merlin.
He didn't know who Madog had.
Sitting like this, like they did when they were little boys who still looked forward to their futures and felt excitement and anticipation instead of fear and dread, that realization didn't disturb Arthur all that much - far less than he knew it should.
Madog spent a few moments collecting his thoughts, before saying, "I was young...but I have some memories, however vague. Before the purges...there was a woman in the Court. I know she wasn't noble born, but she was powerful. She dressed oddly and was eccentric, but she was still a Council member, and...I'm pretty sure she was friends with Mother, when no one was around. Certainly, Mother was willing to act like a mother, than a queen, when it was just us. The woman..."
"...was the sorceress? Court Sorcerer?" Arthur asked quietly. He remembered the name. "Nimueh?"
"I think so," Madog said. "But...the implications of it-"
"I know."
Madog looked both surprised and confused.
"Father swore that he loved Mother. He swore that he wished she was still here. But he never swore that he wasn't responsible for her death."
Madog slowly nodded.
"...I still killed Mother, though, didn't I?" Arthur said, quietly, looking down at where his ankles crossed.
"No," Madog said. "Her death wasn't...someone did kill her. But it wasn't you. And even if...well, Mother adored you. I know she used to tell me stories every night. When she found out she was with child, she told stories like you were already born and listening and with us, even when she was still flat and no sign of you showed on her body at all."
Arthur felt pangs of envy and jealousy rip through his heart as he listened. What kind of story teller was she like? What stories did she tell? What was her voice like when she spoke? What did he miss? What did he take away from his world?
"She always went on about how I was going to be a big brother. That I would have to look after you, no matter what."
He paused.
"You were always my little brother, first and foremost. No matter what else, succession crises, my insecurities, whether or not I could or would be king...I always knew I was your big brother."
Why did he sound so sad?
"But you don't need me, anymore. The last year or two, especially, but..." Madog was focused on Arthur's ankles, too. "I'm Prince Madog of Camelot, but I can no longer be sure I'm Madog, Older Brother of Arthur."
Arthur didn't know, either.
"You're..." he paused. "For me, you were always just Madog. Whatever else you did or were...you were Madog." Sometimes protector, sometimes adversary, even if Madog hadn't seen it that way. "You're still Madog."
He reached out and took Madog's hands in his own.
They were children again, whispering hushed promises to each other in the light of the setting sun. They were strangers, trying to find a common bond in their mother, their father, their kingdom. In their brotherhood. In themselves.
Arthur wondered if they found it.
~*~
"Are we still brothers? I can be confidant and strong around anyone else, Merlin...but around my own brother, I feel so small and lost."
"I think that's your answer right there."
"...you really aren't good with this whole 'answering questions' thing, are you?"
~*~
"You should have let Arthur kill Uther."
"How can you say that?! You're his ward!"
"He slaughters our kind, ruthlessly and without remorse."
"He's misguided, yeah, but-"
"-he still would kill us, despite my closeness and your loyalty, just because of our magic. Our life would be easier without him."
"...it would have devastated Arthur, destroyed him, to kill his own father."
"It will destroy many others, the sorcerers who will continue to die, in the name of Uther's madness. Is Arthur worth it?"
"Yes."
"Not a single moment of hesitation?"
"No. I love Arthur, and would do anything for him."
"Uther loves Ygraine, and will do anything for her - and is."
"I would never-!"
"Watch yourself, Merlin. You're starting to decide who deserves to die and who doesn't."
"So?"
"So...don't become Uther."
~*~
Please leave lots of reviews. They make my day, and I could really use that right about now.
As always, praise and concrit alike are welcome, as are corrections on any grammar or Americanisms I've made so I can improve on them in future chapters.
~*~
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