The Inner Monster - Part 5: Chance
Jaejoong consoled the man beside him, he realized how much fate had switched their roles. Jaejoong was now the calm one as Yunho suffered through the pain from the worst sides of love. How Jaejoong wished that fate hadn’t done so.
Yunho had stayed in his place for two weeks without once stepping out.
“I should’ve seen it.” Yunho said out loud one night. “There were signs but I pretended not to notice. I’m so stupid.”
Jaejoong patted his back. “No, you’re not. Stop beating yourself up over it, understand this.” He breathed in, “You were a good guy to her, she’s the one who did this to you. There’s no reason and don’t dare to think you deserved this.” Jaejoong walked over to his room and looked at Yunho’s nearly dead cell phone. He exhaled, he charged it on silent.
“I’m sorry.” Yunho said as he laid on the couch. “This shouldn’t be how your welcome back goes.”
“It’s fine.” Jaejoong said, a part of him felt somewhat happy at his constant presence, except the overwhelming part of him felt distressed knowing the circumstances. “Instead, why don’t we go outside tonight? I have a feeling you might need to talk to Yoochun.”
“Who?”
Jaejoong looked up. “Let’s call him the on-call therapist.” He washed the dishes and paused, “Then again, you might pass out during the session.”
Yunho narrowed his eyes at Jaejoong who laughed in return. “Ahhh. How I wish I can be as happy as you, I feel like I’m missing out.”
Jaejoong smiled. “How did you think I felt the whole time we knew each other?”
“I’m sorry.” Yunho said, Jaejoong shook his head.
When Jaejoong finished the dishes, he put on his jacket and looked for his keys. “Get up, we’re going to see Yoochun.” Yunho stayed on the couch, Jaejoong sighed as he walked over and dragged Yunho to his feet, he then went to his room and found the keys beside the charging phone. Jaejoong stared at him before he took out the cord and placed it in his pockets. He walked out and headed towards the door. “Let’s go.” Yunho treaded behind him.
Outside, Jaejoong attempted to start his car. “Not good.” Yunho looked on.
“What happened?” Yunho asked.
“Battery died.” He rubbed his eyes. He then took out his keys and slammed the door. “Let’s walk.”
“This Yoochun is a good listener?” Yunho asked.
“He listened to all my rambles without criticizing, so I think so.”
Yunho tilted his head. “You had to talk to him before? For what?”
“Just...” Jaejoong trailed off. “Just some stuff.” He flipped his hair from his eyes. “Though I’m sure he’s heard enough about me.”
Yunho looked on with lowered eyes. “It’s private then. I see.” He shrugged. “But there’s nothing for me to talk about.”
Jaejoong raised an eyebrow. “There’s plenty, or have you not been around the past two weeks?” The night settled in as they walked through the park and up the steps.
“It doesn’t matter though, I bet she hasn’t thought about me once.” Jaejoong stopped in his tracks, Yunho looked back. Jaejoong had his cellphone flipped open in his hand.
“47 missed calls, 20 voice mails and 160 text messages. Apparently some deleted themselves to make room for the new ones.” Jaejoong stated as he snapped the phone shut, he gestured it towards Yunho who stared at it. “She wants to talk to you.”
Yunho closed his eyes. “I don’t think I can handle that.” Jaejoong waited but Yunho didn’t take the phone.
Jaejoong sighed to himself, “Realize that no one’s perfect, we all have done things we regretted. And it seems to be she really is beating herself up for it.” He maintained focus on the wall in front of him. “Go to her, talk things out. It’s only right to at least do that much. Or else you might regret it.”
Yunho lifted his head and turned to face him, “You think so?”
Jaejoong turned to face him as well and smiled. “It’s whatever you decide.” Yunho nodded, then his phone rang. He stared for a while at the name on his phone, before it stopped he flipped it open. “Hello?... Hey.” He started out, Jaejoong tuned out, even if he had asked him for his advice this was Yunho’s own private matter. He talked for a while more before he closed the phone and turned to Jaejoong. “I’m going to talk to her.” He said slowly.
“That’s a start.” Jaejoong said.
“I’m... scared too. Or just nervous.” He said, Jaejoong got up and walked behind him. “Jaejoong?” Jaejoong then lifted him from the steps and turned him to face him.
“You. Are. Going. To. Talk. To. Her.” He ruffled his hair, “And I will drive you there and push you through that door if I have to.” Yunho chuckled.
“Thanks.” Yunho said, he smiled as he turned to walk down the steps. He paused and looked back, “Really think I can?”
“Yunho! You get over here or I will use unnecessary force.” Jaejoong declared, Yunho laughed as did Jaejoong, he nodded as he walked through the sidewalk. Jaejoong closed his eyes in thought.
He couldn’t believe himself, the former monster within him would have been just as shocked. This was his chance to have her out of his life once and for all, and he didn’t take advantage of it. He breathed in deeply and opened his eyes, Yunho looked from behind and waved. Jaejoong returned it and gave what he hoped was an encouraging smile.
“Be happy.” He said, he felt honestly better. His conscience felt relieved, he didn’t manipulate his thoughts. He felt for once genuine happiness for his friend. Yunho continued to walk until he hurried his pace.
Everything was alright now, everything was fine.
If only it would stop his heart from breaking.
--- --- --- --- --- ---
“It’s over.” Yunho said as he sat down on the chair. Jaejoong adjusted his glasses as he looked up from his book.
“What is?”
“Us, I mean my ex-girlfriend and I.” Yunho grinned. “I finally did it.”
Jaejoong shook his head, “That’s good, compared to last night when you nearly begged me to do it for you.”
“I know, but I managed to do it.” He looked at Jaejoong’s untouched rice and chicken.
Jaejoong noticed his stare and sighed. “Go ahead.” Yunho smiled and filled a small plate for himself. “How did you managed to do it? Considering your lack of courage.”
“I was a complete nervous wreck, but I’m relieved I admit.” He smiled. “Now I know and don’t have any regrets. We attempted to work our relationship for the past year but I knew we weren’t heading anywhere.”
“This says the guy who bought the engagement ring.” Jaejoong commented.
“That’s true...” He replied. “But ever since that, I can’t honestly face her and say everything will stay the same. I just can’t.”
Jaejoong nodded. “Though you seem a lot happier than a guy should be feeling after breaking up with his girlfriend.”
Yunho chuckled. “Maybe, I probably would’ve felt that six months ago. Been trying to end it for two months since then.”
Jaejoong shook his head, “You’re too nice.” He reasoned, “Every time you stopped trying to break up because she starts crying and begging you that it can work out. It’s good to see though that everything worked out.”
“I guess, I’m happy, just I feel horrible at the same time. I try to look for that second chance, but I can’t forget it. Maybe that’s my flaw,” He laughed awkwardly. “I can’t bring myself to trust her again. She says she hasn’t done anything, but I can’t help that seed of doubt. It hurts so much to be with her, have you ever felt that way?”
“Felt what way?”
“That loving someone is too painful.” He said, Jaejoong paused.
“I have.” He said as he resumed eating.
“Really? Who?” Yunho leaned, Jaejoong looked up to see his innocent expression. “Who is it?”
“I don’t have to answer that.”
“Aw, c’mon you can tell me.” Yunho said, Jaejoong shook his head. “If best friends can’t even tell each other this much, then what can we tell each other.”
Jaejoong took a moment to process as Yunho ate his own food. Best friends? He chuckled. It seemed ironic somehow, this guy didn’t understand his own heart when it involved him. Do best friends really have this sort of conflicted relationship? And here was this guy so easily saying it, as if it was always like that.
Jaejoong furrowed his eyebrows, did he see their relationship that way all this time? It’s not like he just one day asked and then an agreement was made. He shook his head, either friendships evolve naturally without knowing or this guy just labeled him without his consent.
“I don’t think we can be best friends.” Jaejoong stated, Yunho finished chewing before he replied.
“Why not?” Jaejoong didn’t answer. “But even if we’re not best friends, we’re good friends right?” Jaejoong still didn’t respond. “Jaejoong!”
“You were saying?” He said with a stolid expression, Yunho noticed the glint in his eyes.
“You’re being cruel.” Jaejoong chuckled. “We’re friends even if you say we aren’t.” He said under his breath. Jaejoong laughed, he slid the plate towards Yunho.
“Just eat it.” He said as he looked down to read his book. Yunho happily obliged. A comfortable silence ensued, Jaejoong only glanced up occasionally. He then noticed Yunho focusing on a figure behind him. Jaejoong turned to see a girl giggling with her friends, he lowered his eyes.
“Go ahead, ask her for her number.” Jaejoong murmured, Yunho looked back and shook his head.
“Definitely not, going to quit girls for a while.” Jaejoong dropped his fork. Yunho blinked. “Something wrong?”
“Nothing, just thinking that we should go.” Yunho nodded as he quickly finished his plate. Jaejoong shook his head as he placed the money on the table and left. “This guy just says whatever he wants, he’s going to cause me a heart attack one day.”
“Jaejoong! Don’t leave me behind!” Jaejoong didn’t slow his pace as Yunho caught up slightly out of breath. “What did I do?”
“Nothing, that’s the problem.” Yunho blinked, he still didn’t understand. “Nevermind.” Yunho remained oblivious as he walked alongside him.
“I don’t want to stay here.” Yunho said suddenly, Jaejoong glanced at him. “I mean, I’ve been here for a while now. School’s over and I managed to stay with little debt. I think its time to move out somewhere.”
Jaejoong bit his lip, “Have fun with that.”
Yunho smiled, he patted him on the back. “You’re coming with me.” He stated, Jaejoong lowered his eyes at him.
“Who gives you that right?”
“Me. Look, you practically bought every book in that bookstore and still nothing. Limited in selection and all that, think about a larger city. A five-story bookstore.” He gestured.
Jaejoong cursed under his breath. “It worked.” Yunho laughed as he leaned against him. “Are you sure you mind living with someone like me?” Jaejoong slowly asked.
“Of course, you’re fun to be with.” Jaejoong furrowed his eyebrows.
“You realize you’re asking me?”
Yunho blinked. “Yes, I trust you Jaejoong.” He grinned. “I like you.” Jaejoong completely froze and then smacked Yunho’s head. “What was that for?!”
“My heart can’t take this.” Jaejoong said to himself, he turned and ruffled Yunho’s hair. “But I’ll take the challenge.”
Yunho looked at a guy that walked past him, Jaejoong looked up. "Sightseeing?" Yunho smiled.
"Maybe, I'm single now so I'm realizing there a lot of options in the world."
"I guess so, there's a lot of girls in the world." He clutched his fist, maybe he hadn’t fully recovered as he thought.
Yunho laughed, "And guys too." Jaejoong raised an eyebrow, Yunho turned to look at him. "What?"
Jaejoong opened his mouth but closed it. He thought over his question before he finally asked, "Looking at guys? Has the break-up affected you that much?"
Yunho raised his eyebrow. "No, didn't you know?"
Jaejoong blinked, "Know what?"
Yunho leaned in, "After all these years you really didn't know?"
Jaejoong leaned in also, "Mind just telling me."
Yunho grinned as he simply declared. "I'm bi."
- Epilogue -