oh heartache -- where've you been?
Hmm...new emotion. It is sort of refreshing, my heart feels like it is so heavy it will drop through my stomach and out of my toes. I've never been in a fight before. Let me rephrase, I've never been in a fight with a boyfriend. I am usually so laid back that I just don't want to react, and if I am angry then I bounce back quickly. I never stay angry for long, but this is different. I guess I am not angry, I am just hurt. But it's different. It's like I hurt knowing that he is mad at me and there is nothing I can do about it.
He said that he knows that I am going to go back to MT and will do my own thing, and forget about him basically. I get tired of reassuring him. The thing is, I don't know how things will end up. I'm not going to know until they are set in motion. This is hard. He told me he loved me last night. He was drunk, but in a way that almost makes it more truthful. I know I can't keep anything in when I am drunk.
He told me that he will prove to me how much he cares about me and how much he wants to be in my life. That is all grand in thought and theory, but when someone isn't there for you to hold and touch and be a cuddle whore with, then there is always something missing.
Joe was talking about barriers. We have talked a lot about that in the past, only I think it was me encouraging him to break them down. With me, I know it is possible to do. It has happened before, but every time I crumble a little, and lose my foundation, someone hurts me again and I build then up again only stronger.
The thing is. If he can't wait. If he doesn't have the patience, already, after only a month and a half, then what will happen down the line. The things that I have told him, my feelings, the things I have exposed, were sort of a big deal. I've never said anything like it to anyone before. That scares me that it isn't enough. Will it ever be then?
He told me that he knows what he had been looking for all this time, and he finally found it in me. That he loves everything about me. Well, he obviously doesn't. And this is only the beginning.
PLUS! **** he hung up on me. That shows his maturity level right there. Word to the wise guys, if you are angry, don't hang up the phone, talk it out or say that you need a few minutes and then call back.
Now I'm just waiting for him to call me. :(
He said that he knows that I am going to go back to MT and will do my own thing, and forget about him basically. I get tired of reassuring him. The thing is, I don't know how things will end up. I'm not going to know until they are set in motion. This is hard. He told me he loved me last night. He was drunk, but in a way that almost makes it more truthful. I know I can't keep anything in when I am drunk.
He told me that he will prove to me how much he cares about me and how much he wants to be in my life. That is all grand in thought and theory, but when someone isn't there for you to hold and touch and be a cuddle whore with, then there is always something missing.
Joe was talking about barriers. We have talked a lot about that in the past, only I think it was me encouraging him to break them down. With me, I know it is possible to do. It has happened before, but every time I crumble a little, and lose my foundation, someone hurts me again and I build then up again only stronger.
The thing is. If he can't wait. If he doesn't have the patience, already, after only a month and a half, then what will happen down the line. The things that I have told him, my feelings, the things I have exposed, were sort of a big deal. I've never said anything like it to anyone before. That scares me that it isn't enough. Will it ever be then?
He told me that he knows what he had been looking for all this time, and he finally found it in me. That he loves everything about me. Well, he obviously doesn't. And this is only the beginning.
PLUS! **** he hung up on me. That shows his maturity level right there. Word to the wise guys, if you are angry, don't hang up the phone, talk it out or say that you need a few minutes and then call back.
Now I'm just waiting for him to call me. :(