Living in the now - Chapter 6 - Waking up to the rest of your life
For warnings,please check out chapter 1 of this story.
This chapter can also be found on AO3.
Mac is able to stay awake longer than a couple of minutes, he still sleeps most of the day, but the neurologist explained that it is a good thing. Medical staff is happy with his recovery although slow, there is progress. The only concern is Mac´s confusion when he wakes up. Jack has noticed of course but since Mac is still heavily medicated and far from his usual self, Jack is not too worried. It will pass when Mac can stay awake longer than a couple of minutes.
Mac is transferred to the medium care unit and Jack now has a bed next to him. Docs explained that they are trying to fly them over back to the States within the next week. Arrangements need to be made with local trauma centers in the States and since Mac doesn´t have relatives, the doctors are not sure where to relocate him. Jack asks if it is possible to find a trauma center in Texas. They are more than happy to oblige and arrangements are made.
Jack wakes by the sounds of the hospital waking up, the nurses start their rounds, food carts are brought to the wards, cleaning starts up. Mac always sleeps through these noises until he is woken by Jack or the staff. Everybody noticed that Mac always wakes up confused, but once he sees Jack, he tends to relax easier.
‘Morning Jack’, nurse Lis greets him.
‘Morning Lis.’
‘Mac, wake up please, it’s a gorgeous morning.’
Mac slowly blinks open his eyes and looks around confused.
‘Where am I?’ he croaks.
‘You’re in Landstuhl, Germany. Do you remember what happened?’
‘Jack?’
‘I´m here Mac.’ Jack waves at Mac. It is clear Mac relaxes at seeing Jack.
‘What happened?’
‘We’ve got hurt in the sandbox hoss, so they got us out of there.’
Jack can see Mac is processing what he is saying.
‘Was it an IED?’
‘Yeah man.’
‘Was anybody killed?’
‘No, don´t worry, we were the only ones injured. And you more than me.’
Mac grimaces.
‘Are you in pain?’ Lis asks, ‘Mac, tell me how much you hurt.’
Jack is taken aback when Mac grinds out an eight. Lis nods, opening one of the IV bags more and entering it in the computer. She checks his vitals and tucks him in when he slowly melts away in the cushion as the meds kick in.
‘Feeling better, man?’
Mac opens his eyes and blinks at Jack who is worried.
‘I´m fine.’ He slurs.
‘Sure man, you’re gonna be fine as cream gravy, but not right now.’
The nurse laughs, ‘I didn´t know we’ve got a real corn-fed country-boy with us.’
Jack’s smile gets bigger. The nurse turns back to Mac, ‘feeling better?’
Mac gives a tiny nod. He’s pale and it is clear he is ready to drop off any minutes.
‘If you feel up to it, we can try some yell-o later today.’
Mac nods sleepy.
* * *
It is late in the afternoon when Jack wakes from his afternoon nap when Mac screams. Jack struggles to get of the bed with his cast when the nurse enters the room.
‘It’s OK Mac, you’re having a nightmare. Can you wake up for me please?’
She has clearly experience with traumatized military personnel because she doesn´t touch Mac. Jack is finally upright and hops towards Mac, addressing him. He takes Mac´s hand in his and Mac’s eyes snap open.
‘It’s OK Mac, you were having a nightmare. Take a moment.
‘Mac blinks around in confusion.
‘Where am I?’
‘You’re in hospital?’
‘Hospital?’ Mac takes in the room before settling back on Jack.
‘You’re hurt. What happened?’
Jack’s worried. Mac can tell, if they are both injured, it must have been an IED or enemy fire, but from the feel of it, he would guess IED.’
‘We ran into an IED?’
‘Jack relaxes and nods.
‘Yeah man, but, we’re gonna be OK. Now that you are stable, we are going back to the States.’
Mac nods, trying to get his breathing under control.
‘How is your pain?’ the nurse asks.
‘It’s OK.’
‘I know hon, but that is not what I asked.’
Mac is smart enough not to argue with the nurse, ‘a seven?’
‘That is more honest. Do you have a sore throat?’
Mac nods.
‘OK, I will get you something.’
Jack puts his hand on Mac´s shoulder, ‘We’re gonna be OK, kid.’
Mac hums his agreement.
* * *
‘Jack? What happened?’
Jack looks up, Mac just woke up from his afternoon nap. He has never seen the kids this confused, but that is not much of a reference since he has never seen the kids this injured.
‘You’re in hospital, Mac.’ Jack pulls his hand on Mac´s leg giving him a moment to collect himself.
‘Remember?’
‘I asked before, didn´t I?’ Mac asks anxious, it is clear he can tell Jack has answered him before.
‘Don´t worry about it, kid. You got your noggin banged up pretty bad.’
Mac hums, still looking unsure but thrusting Jack.
‘Doc came by while you were napping. They are repatriating us home tomorrow.
‘We’re going home?’
‘Yes, doc said you are stable enough to heal up in the States.’
* * *
As expected, the flight home is as uncomfortable as the flight to Landstuhl. Mac is no longer put in the ICU part of the plane, but also not with the normal mobile population. A nurse is still making sure to register all the necessary paperwork and medication pre-flight. Jack sits next to Mac´s gurney. Jack can see they gave Mac something to keep him calm, his eyes lethargically blink open and search for him. Once he is in Mac´s line of vision, he can see how his boy relaxes. Once again, the American themed quilts are placed over everybody to keep warm.
Once in the air, it gets colder and Jack shivers. He took his pain killers, so he is not in pain. He checks on Mac if he is still warm enough and shushes him when he starts rambling something unintelligent. Sedatives and Mac never were a good combo.
Another man and a woman accompany two other solders, they appear to be parents. It hits a bit close to home when he realizes Mac has nobody to accompany him home, just him. He called his mum and explained what was happening and she immediately told Jack to bring his boy home. So he asked if Mac could be transferred to a hospital in Texas, which they facilitated.
The man, after checking one last time his patient, walks over to Jack and hands him his blanket.
‘Thanks, I’m OK.’
‘You’re hurt, you need the blanket more than me.’
‘Your son?’ Jack gestures at the boy on the gurney.
‘Yeah, he’s going to be alright.’
‘That´s good. And you?’
‘Badly fractured leg, nothing that won´t heal. Mac here is worse of then me. I’m his overwatch.’
‘So he is an EOD.’
Jack nods, expecting the man to tell him they didn´t do their job. That their failure almost cost his boy’s life.
‘Thank you, both of you for what you did.’
‘I will. Thanks.’
The man sits down again when the boy opens his eyes and he starts talking to him. Mac is still asleep when they start serving out food, which he gratefully accepts. A couple of more hours and they will be back in the States.
* * *
Once the plane touches down, the CCATT crew is bustling with activity. The mobile patients are transported first off the plane into a bus. Next come the less mobile ones and last come the patients on gurneys. Jack is escorted before Mac to a waiting ambulance while the others are all send to the bus. When Mac is placed in the ambulance as well, Jack can relax. They are back together. Mac is still not awake and he asks about it at the medic who explains that they sedated Mac and he will just sleep it off. They are in an ambulance, because they are taken to a smaller airfield where they will catch a plane towards Texas where Mac is expected in the neuro ward of a trauma one center.
Jack nods, he hasn´t slept much on the plane and knowing that they are immediately going for the last leg does sound good on the one hand, on the other, it means they want Mac as quickly back in a hospital under specialized care.
The last leg of the trip is uneventful, Mac sleeping through the whole trip. Once they arrive in hospital Jack is grateful for the bed he is offered in Mac´s room. He intended to call his family to let them know that they arrived, but as soon as his head hits the pillow, he is out.
* * *
It is a nurse who alerts the medical team in charge of Mac´s care that there is more to Mac´s confusion. Several specialists examine, test and evaluate Mac. Jack’s family comes to visit him and he reassure them that he is fine, or at least that he will be. Mac has been away for more tests and by the time Jack arrives back at the ward, he can tell something is amiss. The nurse at the desk tells him to go see Mac. He goes as quick as his leg allows him.
Once he enters the room, he is greeted by a scared Mac, his eyes are wide, his hair in angles like he has been pulling it. He is pacing in the room like a caged tiger, mumbling to himself.
‘Mac? What’s wrong?’
Mac stares at Jack and it is clear he loses some of the tension in his body.
‘Jack, I… I… Where are we?’
‘We’re home, kid, we’re in hospital.’
‘I can´t remember.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I can´t remember what happened. How did I get here? What happened? Why can´t I remember?’
‘Mac? Oh kid, come on, take it easy, everything is going to be alright. I’m here.’
He closes the distance between him and Mac and takes the kid in a hug. At first Mac stays stiffly but he slowly melts in Jack’s embrace.
‘You have a serious head injury Mac and you’re confused. It will get better.’
‘You can´t promise that.’
Jack chuckles, ‘you’re right, but even if you’re not going to be alright, I´m in this for the long haul.’
One of Mac’s neurologists enters and by the look at his face, he isn’t bringing good news.
‘What’s up, doc?’
Jack smiles like he has just told the funniest joke.
‘I just came to see if you’re up to the last test.’
‘Another test, I thought we were done?’
‘Yes, I promise, this is the last one.’
Mac nods tiredly. The doc leaves the room and returns with a wheelchair.
‘You’re escorting me yourself? No patient transport?’
‘No, this way is faster and I am a more hands on doc. Jack, we will be right back.’
‘I’m going to get something to eat, I will be here when you come back.’
Jack gives them a wave before heading off. The doc wheels Mac to one of the spaces where they can perform the test.
* * *
Jack watches the medical staff assembled in the room. Every doctor that takes care of Mac is there, as is his head nurse.
‘Well Mac, we gather here to discuss your diagnosis.’
‘So, what’s the verdict?’ Mac says without much emotion in his voice. Jack knows it is Mac protecting himself from whatever is coming.
The orthopedic surgeon is the first to talk, explaining Mac that he will make a full recovery, although it will take some time. All the docs are happy with Mac´s progress. The last to talk is the neurologist.
‘Well Mac, as you know, we did extensive testing, and we reached a diagnosis. It is probably not what you want to hear but you have anterograde amnesia.’
‘Anto what amnesia?’ Jack asks.
Jack looks between Mac and the doctor.
‘The doctor says I’m unable to create new memories.’
‘Mac is right, he‘s unable to store and retain new information.’
‘But he knows me, so how can he have amnesia?’
‘Anterograde amnesia is often a permanent condition caused by damage to the hippocampus.’
‘So you are saying I will never be able to make new memories?’
‘That is correct. There is a slim chance the condition is not permanently, but seeing it hasn´t improved by now we fear you will not be able to convert your short term experiences into long-term memory.’
Mac is silent, staring, processing.
‘We know this is a lot to take in, but we suggest to start a quickly as possible to learn coping strategies.’
Mac nods. He won`t remember any of this when he wakes up. He swallows. He needs to think this over rationally, but…but… he realizes, he will never remember any of this.
‘Jack?’
‘Yeah kid, I’m here. Like I said, I´m in this for the long haul.