Back into hell again..
Well, family got the worst news possible yesterday. Dad is going to return to being unemployed at the end of the month. So much for feeling legitimate. So much for having that which everyone else in this goddamn town takes for granted and considers a life necessity.
We'll probably have to sell the new car (before we even get a motherfucking license plate for it), we'll possibly have to move, and certainly all those little joys of life like eating out and going to movies and going shopping - gone. We _were_ considering actually taking our first vacation in 7 years this summer, not any more. Family stress level is going to go from "high" back to "apeshit crazy" again, which means my ecksima (already making appearances) is going to come back with a vengeance, probably with it my asthma and my temper. We spent 6 months trying to recover from 5 years of no income, and God just slapped us back into the hole, except it's worse now, because we *have* to recarpet the upper floor (already tore it up in preperation) and we have to pay for this new car with income that is now being taken away from us.
Why does all this have to happen! What the fuck did I do to deserve this! I was actually feeling like I somewhat belonged in this town; wasn't driving around in a pile of dogshit, was actually wearing clothes newer then 2 years old... and fate takes it away.
If/when we move.... I don't know what's going to happen. I was on the verge of being somebody, I spent so long accumulating people who knew me for what I really was... I don't think I'll ever do it again. Spend all my energy for years working on this, then to have it snatched out of my reach by a cruel twist of fate. Why bother.
Life's a bitch and then you die.
PS. Oh, and I got shingles too. What a motherfucking week I'm having.
We'll probably have to sell the new car (before we even get a motherfucking license plate for it), we'll possibly have to move, and certainly all those little joys of life like eating out and going to movies and going shopping - gone. We _were_ considering actually taking our first vacation in 7 years this summer, not any more. Family stress level is going to go from "high" back to "apeshit crazy" again, which means my ecksima (already making appearances) is going to come back with a vengeance, probably with it my asthma and my temper. We spent 6 months trying to recover from 5 years of no income, and God just slapped us back into the hole, except it's worse now, because we *have* to recarpet the upper floor (already tore it up in preperation) and we have to pay for this new car with income that is now being taken away from us.
Why does all this have to happen! What the fuck did I do to deserve this! I was actually feeling like I somewhat belonged in this town; wasn't driving around in a pile of dogshit, was actually wearing clothes newer then 2 years old... and fate takes it away.
If/when we move.... I don't know what's going to happen. I was on the verge of being somebody, I spent so long accumulating people who knew me for what I really was... I don't think I'll ever do it again. Spend all my energy for years working on this, then to have it snatched out of my reach by a cruel twist of fate. Why bother.
Life's a bitch and then you die.
PS. Oh, and I got shingles too. What a motherfucking week I'm having.