I got very angry about the situation last night, and...
One long headache has gone
Jenna is sticking with her “punishment” of us. It’s a good call on her part, because had she not stuck with it I’d have enforced it for her. And now, looking back on all that has transpired, my already enflamed anger is deepening in intensity. My crucial mistake was to assume in my naïveté that at some level, every one of us has a little bit of good in us. Well, that fallacy has been annihilated. There are some people for whom exploiting others is not only a means to an end; it’s an end in and of itself. I have now met one of these people, and hope I never again cross paths with another. Logic would stand to reason that seeing as there are a disproportionately small amount of Jenny Kim’s and Katie Powell’s running around, there should also be a similarly small quantity of Jenna’s about. However, I have this apathetic sort of sinking feeling that that isn’t the case. It’s far easier to live your life by exploiting others then to be a saint. It’s obvious which road she chose, and it’s obvious where that road leads.
But all that is beyond the point. I made the mistake of thinking I could bring out what good she had, and I found that there wasn’t any to be had. For a while there I actually liked her, but I started reading between the lines of the story, getting a hint of the darkness below, and then the book was obliterated by her actions, which revealed the full emptiness. I guess it’s good my naïveté was crushed before I got too involved, that the demon was revealed before it could strike, but that doesn’t make me any less wrathful. It doesn’t matter that it could have been worse. It shouldn’t have been bad at all! But of course, I had this happy illusion about a mankind that cares for anyone besides themselves. Now I know it’s just those rare freaks, cast into the cesspool of humanity like meat into a piranha tank. If backstabbing gets you ahead today, you don’t even have a second thought about it. People like her however don’t even need the positive assumed result; the action itself is reward enough.
I am very sorry, very regretful that in my search for redeeming aspects I revealed a few parts of myself to her as collateral for my inquests. I know that that slip-up will come back to bite me HARD, very soon. I have plenty of enemies, people who hate me because I’m not like them, because I refuse to take part in this backstabbing orgy… and I’ve just given them a loaded gun. I know she’ll eventually pawn the info she has; it would be completely against her character not to. Believe that I have already taken necessary measures to mitigate the damage my misplaced trust in her will cause.
The only thing I am grateful for is that through what I am assured was a miscalculation of hers, she introduced me to two people who have thus far proven to be far better then she is. I guess in the end that’s what brought her house of lies down, that I met some of the circle she runs in who connected me to information I wouldn’t have had otherwise. I guess though through that she doesn’t even get half of what she deserves. You create your life out of lies and deception, the inevitable cataclysmic fall shouldn’t come as any surprise.
Of course, her life, her house of cards, isn’t over yet. In fact, I dare say she hasn’t really even noticed the change yet. Trust however that while refusing to tuck into people who haven’t done me any wrong, I am not harmless. I am a slumbering bear angered, and things are going to happen. I won’t be a target any more, I swore that as I endured years of it, and now I’ve an opportunity to make an example of one whom would that I had not left my original standing.
As all this is happening, as the wheels of my plan start their lumbering progress towards fruition, I know I may possibly lose one friend. It should be clear who that is. If I do as a result of my counterattack, then all I can say is that I did not lose a friend, because what friend does what I can foresee possibly happening to someone with whom they have such a substantial history? That’s right, no friend at all. You may eventually read this, and if you do, know that I in no way spill any of my rage onto you. More, pity, and hope that after she does to you what she did to me, you’ll be able to apologize to me for not moving sooner. My hatred is focused on the one who has caused so much damage to me, has taken my trust and whored it out for the world to see. And my hatred burns for a long, long time.
Also, I have much rage for the betrayer who kicked all of this off before all of my ambush could be in place. It’s obvious to me that you are just like her, although just a novice in the training of a master. You attempted to work both sides, and I am sure that if I through all my delusions of the morality of humanity caught it, the artisan of deception and falsehoods knows it as well. Whoops. I hope you may learn your lesson after all is said and done, but I know that isn’t likely. If you read this, unlikely, know that you better be on tip-top behaviour, because I can ruin your master plan without even a second thought. I may do it just to vent a little of my rage. Your secret would be out to ears you have nightmares of it reaching, and then you would have got your just reward. You had better pray to whatever God you believe in that I am not like you.
I leave you all with a snippet from a song that describes our mistress of lies to a fault. I found it very strangely fitting, especially once my counter-attack swings into gear.
“It’s everybody’s fault besides your own
But perhaps your finger’s pointing in the wrong direction
Consider that the root of all that you bemoan
Is pictured in the visage of your own reflection
I don’t expect you to change, hell, why should you?
You have yourself convinced that you can do no wrong
There’s not a chance at all that you will ever admit
The cause of this is you and has been all along”
“Maps of Reality”, by Assemblage 23
Jenna is sticking with her “punishment” of us. It’s a good call on her part, because had she not stuck with it I’d have enforced it for her. And now, looking back on all that has transpired, my already enflamed anger is deepening in intensity. My crucial mistake was to assume in my naïveté that at some level, every one of us has a little bit of good in us. Well, that fallacy has been annihilated. There are some people for whom exploiting others is not only a means to an end; it’s an end in and of itself. I have now met one of these people, and hope I never again cross paths with another. Logic would stand to reason that seeing as there are a disproportionately small amount of Jenny Kim’s and Katie Powell’s running around, there should also be a similarly small quantity of Jenna’s about. However, I have this apathetic sort of sinking feeling that that isn’t the case. It’s far easier to live your life by exploiting others then to be a saint. It’s obvious which road she chose, and it’s obvious where that road leads.
But all that is beyond the point. I made the mistake of thinking I could bring out what good she had, and I found that there wasn’t any to be had. For a while there I actually liked her, but I started reading between the lines of the story, getting a hint of the darkness below, and then the book was obliterated by her actions, which revealed the full emptiness. I guess it’s good my naïveté was crushed before I got too involved, that the demon was revealed before it could strike, but that doesn’t make me any less wrathful. It doesn’t matter that it could have been worse. It shouldn’t have been bad at all! But of course, I had this happy illusion about a mankind that cares for anyone besides themselves. Now I know it’s just those rare freaks, cast into the cesspool of humanity like meat into a piranha tank. If backstabbing gets you ahead today, you don’t even have a second thought about it. People like her however don’t even need the positive assumed result; the action itself is reward enough.
I am very sorry, very regretful that in my search for redeeming aspects I revealed a few parts of myself to her as collateral for my inquests. I know that that slip-up will come back to bite me HARD, very soon. I have plenty of enemies, people who hate me because I’m not like them, because I refuse to take part in this backstabbing orgy… and I’ve just given them a loaded gun. I know she’ll eventually pawn the info she has; it would be completely against her character not to. Believe that I have already taken necessary measures to mitigate the damage my misplaced trust in her will cause.
The only thing I am grateful for is that through what I am assured was a miscalculation of hers, she introduced me to two people who have thus far proven to be far better then she is. I guess in the end that’s what brought her house of lies down, that I met some of the circle she runs in who connected me to information I wouldn’t have had otherwise. I guess though through that she doesn’t even get half of what she deserves. You create your life out of lies and deception, the inevitable cataclysmic fall shouldn’t come as any surprise.
Of course, her life, her house of cards, isn’t over yet. In fact, I dare say she hasn’t really even noticed the change yet. Trust however that while refusing to tuck into people who haven’t done me any wrong, I am not harmless. I am a slumbering bear angered, and things are going to happen. I won’t be a target any more, I swore that as I endured years of it, and now I’ve an opportunity to make an example of one whom would that I had not left my original standing.
As all this is happening, as the wheels of my plan start their lumbering progress towards fruition, I know I may possibly lose one friend. It should be clear who that is. If I do as a result of my counterattack, then all I can say is that I did not lose a friend, because what friend does what I can foresee possibly happening to someone with whom they have such a substantial history? That’s right, no friend at all. You may eventually read this, and if you do, know that I in no way spill any of my rage onto you. More, pity, and hope that after she does to you what she did to me, you’ll be able to apologize to me for not moving sooner. My hatred is focused on the one who has caused so much damage to me, has taken my trust and whored it out for the world to see. And my hatred burns for a long, long time.
Also, I have much rage for the betrayer who kicked all of this off before all of my ambush could be in place. It’s obvious to me that you are just like her, although just a novice in the training of a master. You attempted to work both sides, and I am sure that if I through all my delusions of the morality of humanity caught it, the artisan of deception and falsehoods knows it as well. Whoops. I hope you may learn your lesson after all is said and done, but I know that isn’t likely. If you read this, unlikely, know that you better be on tip-top behaviour, because I can ruin your master plan without even a second thought. I may do it just to vent a little of my rage. Your secret would be out to ears you have nightmares of it reaching, and then you would have got your just reward. You had better pray to whatever God you believe in that I am not like you.
I leave you all with a snippet from a song that describes our mistress of lies to a fault. I found it very strangely fitting, especially once my counter-attack swings into gear.
“It’s everybody’s fault besides your own
But perhaps your finger’s pointing in the wrong direction
Consider that the root of all that you bemoan
Is pictured in the visage of your own reflection
I don’t expect you to change, hell, why should you?
You have yourself convinced that you can do no wrong
There’s not a chance at all that you will ever admit
The cause of this is you and has been all along”
“Maps of Reality”, by Assemblage 23