"When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire."
"There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save"
-- Stars, "Your Ex-Lover is Dead"
It ended much as it started: abruptly and reasonably. When you realize that the things you like -- even the things you love -- are not the same as the things that matter most to you, there's nothing much to be done for it but to bite the bullet and stop trying to live as though you had four arms.
Ultimately what we both lost was great company, which isn't something to be valued lightly but neither is it something to order a life around. To do that, you need shared images of the world, both as it is and as you'd will it to be; this was not to be had. In some ways it still felt like after two and a half years we didn't really know ourselves or each other -- which at some point stopped being tantalizing and started being frustrating.
There's an enormous blank canvas where my future is supposed to be, and for the time being that's my will. When going through a major life audit, having the elbow room to make any changes that feel right is the only way for me to feel confident that they're being made for the right reasons. This isn't the first thing that had to be given up in that process, and won't be the last.