On society... Or sociology...
I've been watching and listening to the people around me (or at a distance) complain about things that they aren't really prepared to fix. If you've ever heard the saying "don't complain about what you can't or won't fix" you can understand my senitment. I hear complaints about failure in ambitions, because of lack of sustained effort or forethought. If one wants to succeed, one must follow the required course without getting discouraged. I have begun to learn this, although I am by no means perfect. I, too, complain and get distressed.
It bothers me some that I always feel the need to include my lack of perfection. I know that this habit and compulsion began when I was living with Jonathan in Federal Way, because he would constantly accuse me of thinking myself perfect. I am fairly sure that this came from his own need to think himself perfect and the fact that I provided him with ample evidence that no human, including he, is perfect. Now, when examining the intricacies of those around me, faults or otherwise, I feel the express need to equate myself self on a level equal to or lower than the habit or behavior that I describe. This isn't meant to be self debasement, by any means, although it may come out that way...
I am concerned about what lies ahead of me. I know that I am capable and will be able to prepare for it, when the time comes. The idea of group presentations concerns me, because many students that I will likely be grouped with will have no interest in anything but getting it over with and their own concerns. Human beings, before and during maturity, tend to be very selfish creatures; relying on lack of real kinship to allow them to get what they want with minimal work or hassle in the long term. It doesn't work, but that's not the point, is it? Then there is the concern of trying to avoid making friends while I'm in college. Friends, here, would be a distraction, because of how I wish to spend time with people. It's disconcerting to know that to learn, I do better isolated. I'm very concerned about how this will affect Karl and me.
All in all, I know that I have no choice but to face the future that I cannot see. Though it's hidden, I have others I can use to access it for me. Through the combined vision of their perceptions and my own growing awareness of the concepts of past, present, and future, I am determined to succeed. It doesn't matter to me that I have the disadvantage. If I continue to persevere, I will find a way.
Signed, *paw-print* the Fitz