T. C.
i've been sad today.... yesterday my mom told me that my cat fell over while walking last week, that is SO sad. he has REALLY bad arthritis in his front right paw, and it's just getting worse. he used to walk a normal speed but limp, now he's walking really slow and limping. i used to massage it at night before bed, but now i'm not around anymore... i feel so bad... he seems so sad to me now when i see him... and mad at me for leaving him. we used to be buddies, he'd wait for me to come home at night, then we'd go to bed and i'd give him cuddles. he'd always be there in the morning when i got up and he'd wait for me to get out of the shower, then we'd go eat breakfast together.. i kept him company.. now i'm gone and i feel bad. i'm the only one he's ever let pick him up and cuddle with him...
it's hard because i'm sure we're going to put him down in the next year or so beacuse we dont' want him to be living in unbearable pain... but he's still so sound of mind... it's just his body that's aging at the moment... that just makes it all the more harder to accept when he's still fully himself mentally.
then last night i was lying in bed and was deeply thinking about how it's going to be... how i'll have to go with him to the vet when we put him down, to comfort him because i always comfort him when he goes to the vet... and i'll have to hold him while they inject him... and he'll fall asleep forever in my arms... and i'll know he's never going to wake up again... and i'll be destroyed..... utterly destroyed... my kitty had been my best friend for the past 17 years of my life.. i've never had to face death so personally before... i'm not sure how to get past that... i could not stop crying last night... i was still really sad this morning...
and i mean, i should't even be thinking like this now.... this probably won't happen for maybe a year.... but i've never let my self delve deep into the thought before... and i can't stop thinking about it... it's like there's nothing else as important to bother thinking about.. gees... i love my kitty with all my heart... i just need to get a freaking grip.
and my nintendo finally broke (the origianl NES)... it's been fritzing out lately, now it's gone.... at least i still have my super nintendo and gamecube.. i can get another one for $60.00, that'll have to wait awhile though...
it's hard because i'm sure we're going to put him down in the next year or so beacuse we dont' want him to be living in unbearable pain... but he's still so sound of mind... it's just his body that's aging at the moment... that just makes it all the more harder to accept when he's still fully himself mentally.
then last night i was lying in bed and was deeply thinking about how it's going to be... how i'll have to go with him to the vet when we put him down, to comfort him because i always comfort him when he goes to the vet... and i'll have to hold him while they inject him... and he'll fall asleep forever in my arms... and i'll know he's never going to wake up again... and i'll be destroyed..... utterly destroyed... my kitty had been my best friend for the past 17 years of my life.. i've never had to face death so personally before... i'm not sure how to get past that... i could not stop crying last night... i was still really sad this morning...
and i mean, i should't even be thinking like this now.... this probably won't happen for maybe a year.... but i've never let my self delve deep into the thought before... and i can't stop thinking about it... it's like there's nothing else as important to bother thinking about.. gees... i love my kitty with all my heart... i just need to get a freaking grip.
and my nintendo finally broke (the origianl NES)... it's been fritzing out lately, now it's gone.... at least i still have my super nintendo and gamecube.. i can get another one for $60.00, that'll have to wait awhile though...