Moments of Grace.
Okay, so I've been feeling kind of sorry for myself lately. I admit it.
I am feeling much better today, though, because I got some lovely and unexpected surprises Saturday. After a lengthy workout (during which I was particularly hard on myself because I was trying to purge lots and lots of self-loathing) I went to visit Eric's Grandma B, ostensibly to deliver the candy and cashews she ordered from Sarah's preschool fundraiser but really to see how she was feeling after being discharged from the hospital (pneumonia, stacked on top of still-untreatable lung cancer) last week.
We had a nice long talk that touched on a lot of subjects but was really about life and love and making the most of the time you have on this earth. It was the kind of talk I wish I could have had with my own grandmother, with whom I really don't get along well and who besides speaks very little English, which puts me rather at a disadvantage. Grandma B, who worked for many years as the head of medical records for the hospital where Eric and our children were born, told me some fascinating, heartbreaking stuff about hospital life that I am now, even as I type this, trying to work into a Housefic. Seriously. Seeing her so thin and ill was bad and made me want to cry, but no matter what happens, I will always remember her words and her incredible spirit. What can I say? I love this woman.
That evening, we went to Eric's father's place for dinner. My father-in-law, whom I have finally learned to trust enough to begin calling "Dad," has lived since the death of Eric's mother over a decade ago in a condo he bought after he sold the family house. Said condo has remained virtually unchanged until a couple of months ago, when his new girlfriend started helping him redecorate and remodel it. Now that they're planning to get married, she's moved in, which is awesome because I like her very much and so do the kids. She's close to his age, which is good because, like Lisa Cuddy in this week's "House," I think May-May and December-December a far more workable model for romance than May-December.
At least I do now. Quit poking me in the ribs, kassrachel! That was a long time ago! Heh.
Anyway, I was a little cranky because I usually get to go out for my birthday dinner. But it turned out that the reason Dad and Shirley decided to have us over was so he could make me a present of Eric's mother's curio cabinet and all the little tchotchkes that inhabit it, as well as the promise that her jewelry will be divided between Eric's sister and me. So that was sad and wonderful at the same time, because I am so happy that Dad's finally been able to move on and find someone to spend the rest of his life with after being alone for so long.
But it's bittersweet because these few things are all that's left of this amazing woman who is never and always present in our lives, whose sisters have never stopped grieving for her, who gave life to Eric but never lived to see him happy and settled, with a family of his own. And the fact that Dad's giving them away means he's really accepted that she, his first love, is gone forever. That is all to the good, but it somehow sucks too. I can't explain it any better than that.
And then when we got home, there was a present in the mail for me from kassrachel, a book I've been coveting for some time and which I can now cross off my amazon.com wishlist. Yay! *hugs book* We loves the kassrachel, we do.
Once in a while, you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right. (Grateful Dead, "Scarlet Begonias") I guess that's what I'm really trying to say. And now if you'll excuse me, I must go to bed if I'm going to make that 11 a.m. job interview without yawning through the whole thing. Goodnight, peeps!
I am feeling much better today, though, because I got some lovely and unexpected surprises Saturday. After a lengthy workout (during which I was particularly hard on myself because I was trying to purge lots and lots of self-loathing) I went to visit Eric's Grandma B, ostensibly to deliver the candy and cashews she ordered from Sarah's preschool fundraiser but really to see how she was feeling after being discharged from the hospital (pneumonia, stacked on top of still-untreatable lung cancer) last week.
We had a nice long talk that touched on a lot of subjects but was really about life and love and making the most of the time you have on this earth. It was the kind of talk I wish I could have had with my own grandmother, with whom I really don't get along well and who besides speaks very little English, which puts me rather at a disadvantage. Grandma B, who worked for many years as the head of medical records for the hospital where Eric and our children were born, told me some fascinating, heartbreaking stuff about hospital life that I am now, even as I type this, trying to work into a Housefic. Seriously. Seeing her so thin and ill was bad and made me want to cry, but no matter what happens, I will always remember her words and her incredible spirit. What can I say? I love this woman.
That evening, we went to Eric's father's place for dinner. My father-in-law, whom I have finally learned to trust enough to begin calling "Dad," has lived since the death of Eric's mother over a decade ago in a condo he bought after he sold the family house. Said condo has remained virtually unchanged until a couple of months ago, when his new girlfriend started helping him redecorate and remodel it. Now that they're planning to get married, she's moved in, which is awesome because I like her very much and so do the kids. She's close to his age, which is good because, like Lisa Cuddy in this week's "House," I think May-May and December-December a far more workable model for romance than May-December.
At least I do now. Quit poking me in the ribs, kassrachel! That was a long time ago! Heh.
Anyway, I was a little cranky because I usually get to go out for my birthday dinner. But it turned out that the reason Dad and Shirley decided to have us over was so he could make me a present of Eric's mother's curio cabinet and all the little tchotchkes that inhabit it, as well as the promise that her jewelry will be divided between Eric's sister and me. So that was sad and wonderful at the same time, because I am so happy that Dad's finally been able to move on and find someone to spend the rest of his life with after being alone for so long.
But it's bittersweet because these few things are all that's left of this amazing woman who is never and always present in our lives, whose sisters have never stopped grieving for her, who gave life to Eric but never lived to see him happy and settled, with a family of his own. And the fact that Dad's giving them away means he's really accepted that she, his first love, is gone forever. That is all to the good, but it somehow sucks too. I can't explain it any better than that.
And then when we got home, there was a present in the mail for me from kassrachel, a book I've been coveting for some time and which I can now cross off my amazon.com wishlist. Yay! *hugs book* We loves the kassrachel, we do.
Once in a while, you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right. (Grateful Dead, "Scarlet Begonias") I guess that's what I'm really trying to say. And now if you'll excuse me, I must go to bed if I'm going to make that 11 a.m. job interview without yawning through the whole thing. Goodnight, peeps!