(FIC) Tell Me It's Okay
‘I love you too’ You never knew how much power those words held until this moment, until you are standing at the side of bleachers looking over at them, watching them profess their love for each other, watching them share their very first kiss.
And you don’t know if this is what it’s like to be heartbroken although you do know nothing has ever hurt your heart more than this. Seeing a moment so perfect it hurts your eyes, seeing the perfect moment shared between your best friend and the one you love so fucking much.
Without your knowledge or your consent fat, salty droplets began falling from your eyes, making permanent trails down your cheeks only to rest upon your lips. Your tears tasted bittersweet, just like how this moment you watched was. On one hand you are so happy that your best friend was happy but on the other, and this weighed down a lot more than the other, the fact that the one you love was in love with your best friend shredded your fucking heart. You are sure if it was anyone else he wanted, anyone but Kikwang, it wouldn’t hurt this much because you’d know deep down inside that you still had him to pick up the broken pieces of your heart but now you don’t, now you have no one because he assisted in the crime of shattering the organ inside of your chest.
Not having enough strength to play witness to this scene any longer you gather your emotions in your hands and turn around intent on finding a place where you can let your emotions spill and your tears fall.
That solitude came in the form of a large, lonely, leafless old oak tree sitting upon a hill far away from the bleachers. You can feel your knees buckles from underneath you and you fall to the ground, the weak grasp your fingers have on your emotions flying from your hands.
You bring your knees to your chest and let your body lean against the surprisingly warm tree trunk as you let everything you’re feeling pour out from your eyes, the only escape route your emotions have.
The privacy you so desperately wanted was ruined by an arm wrapping itself around your shoulder. Surprisingly you don’t care who it was or what they were doing all you do care about is the heat that you can feel from the figure next to you, the warmth that is nothing like Doojoon or Kikwang, not even Junhyung and Hyunseung can make you feel so comforted and safe in an embrace.
Even as days go by your heart still feels the immense pain. It’s constant and throbbing within your chest and you don’t know what to do, your eyes are always red and puffy from the merciless droplets that stream from your eyes every night, your heart aches nearly all the time, the only time it doesn’t is when you finally fall into the dreamless slumber you once cherished. You know you look like a mess and you know it is irresponsible for you to show yourself like this when you are only pushing yourself further and further away from them because it hurts too much.
“Why do you keep doing this to yourself?” Dongwoon asks as he once again finds you sitting under the old oak tree that has somehow become the place you find most comfort.
And you can’t help but to think it’s because in reality you are both the same, lifeless, an empty shell with a broken inside and a pained outside. That’s it; you are both broken and lifeless.
Worried eyes look down at you and deep in your gut you know his emotions are sincere, they aren’t fake like the façade everyone around you continues to put up. They hide things from you because they think you can’t handle it, they think you are too weak to know these things and in truth you are but you do know what they are hiding, you saw it with your own two eyes and no one besides the man standing in front of you will ever know how your heart broke into a million pieces.
“You know you are going to have to get over him, he doesn’t love you so let go of him,” Dongwoon states softly.
And you can’t help but to snort at the irony. Only a few days ago he was comforting you and now he’s telling you to let him go.
You know it’s the right thing to do but hell you are a freaking teenager do you ever do the right things? No. It’s apparent to you that you can’t let your first love go that easily but Dongwoon doesn’t care if you can’t he tells you you have to or it’ll hurt you more. Every word of that was true but it doesn’t mean you have to accept it.
Days turn into months and you begin to wonder when the pain will ever cease, when your heart won’t ache painfully. And you hope you’ll find an answer to that question soon because you don’t know how long you can keep this up, keep pretending everything’s okay when you know it isn’t when you know your world is still empty of life.
“Hey Yoseob, whatcha doin’?”
“Do ya wanna go catch a movie with us later?”
“Yoseob, Hyunseung and Dongwoon have a soccer game today, do you want to come watch them play with us?”
These are just some of the questions they ask that you have to fake it, you have to fake excuses and answers just so you don’t have to be near them, so you don’t have to watch your best friend and the one that you are still sure owns your wounded heart.
And here you are once again sitting under the old oak tree, letting your thoughts float around in your mind and your emotions flow through you but surprisingly today you don’t feel like crying, today something seems different and you don’t know what it is but your heart doesn’t hurt as much and the world seems less dull. And it could be because finally spring is here or the figure that has once again wrapped his arm around your shoulder.
“Can you tell me it’s okay?” The words spill from your mouth before you had a chance to stop them but on some level they feel right.
“It’s okay,” Dongwoon states and for some reason you can’t help but know that these words are true, that everything is finally okay.
Gazing up at the sky you glimpse something that makes the first smile in months form on your lips. The once lifeless oak now sprouted life in the form of a leaf, a single green leaf that shone brighter than any sun breaking through the clouds.
“It’s okay,” You mumble more to yourself than to Dongwoon.
Everything really was okay.
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The awaited (probably not) sequel to my one-shot Finally.
Sorry for making it sad, don't hate me for it pleaseeeeeee *gives puppy eyes*
I hope you enjoy it ^^
As always comments are <333