It sucks to have a big heart!
Ok, so let me start out with a quote:
"Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them."
Got it?! Well that's the theme of this blog. My mom has always told me that ever since I was little I'd do anything for anyone. We joke around about the fact that "my heart is so big, I try to spread all of my love around." A little cliche, I know...but very true. One of my managers at my past job told me that she loved the fact that I was open and willing to do anything they asked of me...all the while keeping a smile on my face the entire time. So let me tell you a little bit about who I am: I'm the type of friend that will text you randomly to wish you a good day at work, or let you know that I'm thinking about you (if we haven't talked in awhile). I constantly try to make sure everyone around me is having fun and enjoying life just as much as I am. I'm the type of person that will literally drop what I'm doing if a friend or family member needs me...but my only question to you is this: Would you do any of the above mentioned things for me?? Or would you drop what you were doing to help me if I needed it?!
Within the last month I've had numerous friends come to me about relationship problems, roommate problems, work issues, etc...I was out to dinner for my cousin's bday last Monday when I got a call from a past coworker who said they needed someone to talk to and wanted to meet up for coffee. I finished eating my meal with my cousin and then booked it outta there to meet him. In all honesty I wasn't bothered by the fact that he needed someone to talk to. Sometimes I just think that I readily let people lean on me too much. I mean I know that's what a friend is for. Believe me, I've had several instances in which I needed someone to do the same for me.
And then last night I had plans to meet a friend for drinks and I get a call from a different friend stating "I've had a shitty day and need you to take me out now!". Being the ridiculously nice friend that I am, I blow my friend off that I'm supposed to be having drinks with in order to take my other friend out. Trust me, I understand that you've had a shitty day and need someone to take you out and get you shit-faced. I've been there too.
The other day for a friend's bday I wanted to go all out to make it the best birthday they've ever had. Upon talking to a mutual friend, they tell me "Lindsay, I know you want to go all out to make this birthday an amazing one, but you need to ask yourself one question: Would they do the same for you?". And the answer to this question is: no. If it was my birthday I definitely know that this person wouldn't be doing much of anything for me (as they didn't show up to my last birthday!). If I called the same exact person that called me last night and said "hey, i've had a shitty day, come and pick me up now," do i think they would do it for me? No. Not only that, but I don't think I'd ever put myself in that situation. And same goes for the other one that I met up with for coffee the other night.
What is it about me that is making everyone come to me with their issues? Do they not realize I have issues of my own? I'm just saying I think there are certain people you can call on when you're feeling really down in the dumps...and that would be your BEST friends...but these people that are coming to me are just acquaintances...do they find it easier to talk to me? Or do I readily put myself out there to help them whenever they need it? I mean I was having a ridiculously rough time back in early June...there were days that went by in which I didn't even want to get out of bed because I was so upset. We all go through times like this...but the only person that I talked to about this was Mark. I didn't feel right burdening the whole world with my problems. And then Char kept me busy with her nieces and swimming in order to take my mind off things...my point is that I didn't broadcast it for the whole world to know.
By any means, I'm not saying that you should bottle up your feelings instead of coming to me. I just honestly hear so much complaining lately that it's starting to bother me and my mindset. A little negativity is ok....as a matter of fact, it's expected in life. But ALL THE TIME...come on now.
I understand that I let people walk all over me to an extent.There's a difference between helping out a friend in need, and then helping out a friend even though I don't necessarily want to. Take last night for example...When the friend called me in need, the average person would've responded by saying "You know I'm hear for you, but I already made plans prior to this." ...or they'd invite that friend out with them to tag along. But me...I drop what I'm doing to help this person out. I know that I'm at fault here. I'm just a little urked about the fact that I know this person wouldn't do the same for me.
Maybe I'm glad that I've finally realized that I'm the one at fault here. It's not their fault they're having a shitty day...it's my fault for letting everyone take advantage of me. Honestly, in the last month alone I've had friends request that I drop what I'm doing to drive 30+ miles (one way) out of my way to come over because they "need me to be there", I've had friends rip me off, I've been treated like a piece of shit, I've been lied to, I've been stood up, and I've been called on to rescue many a people! Now it's to the point that I realize instead of pleasing everyone else all the goddamn time, I need to please myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!