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ive realized that the events in my life are not stalls or boosts forward toward some lofty expectation or desire to be complete. they are simply my life. as chaotic and crazy and amazing as it is.
every step we take is another reason to take another. no matter how much we look into the past and think that it was better or feel like we want things back the way we used to have them, we need to keep looking forward to the future and know that things will continue to be beautiful.
i made THE list a few days ago. i cant remember all of their names but i can remember their faces and where we met. how we met. and how good they were, how my interaction with them changed me. there's a lot of them. holy shit theres a lot of them. i kinda feel bad in a way but i know that i never mis-represent myself or my intentions. i tell myself that like minded people tend to fall in with like minded people. besides, im young, single, and full of life. there are defiantly a few that stick out in my mind. of course.
erin is the girl im dating right now. she might as well be straight off the boat Irish. with a name like erin colleen mccarthy, you cant get much more than that. shes got a killer sense of humor and a great body. shes my friends sister tho so thats some dangerous territory that im sailing in. but, we've had that 'talk' we're all adults, we can make our own decisions and mistakes.
steph still sends me random texts even after she said she was going to delete my number. i kinda miss her. she was probably the strongest most independent woman ive ever dated. but also the most insecure. i have a lot of female friends and thats just something she couldnt handle. i wont give up my friends for a girlfriend. at least never again.
things with the lesbians are pretty cool. im just a piece of meat in that situation and im totally ok with that. luckily they are both lipstick lesbians. granted, they arent full on lesbians, just bi-sexual women that happen to be dating each other. they want to do a weekend trip into glenwood springs, with another chick. we've done a one nighter with the four of us, i dont know if i can handle a full weekend. but i am more than willing to give it a try.
i know, my life sucks doesnt it.
the only down side to life right now is that i have had my drivers license revoked due to a DUI on halloween. it sucks. im grounded for a while, at least until i can get a few things done. i have to get the breathalyser installed on my car. i should be able to work from home in about two weeks when my IP phone arrives. plus the increase to my monthly bills sucks. just for the fines and classes there are an additional $400 i have to cough up. not including the increase to my insurance. i talked it down to a DWAI and careless drivng. that'll be better for mr insurance.
it has put a pretty big dent in my savings. with all the lawyer fees, court fees and everything, its already cost me $8,000. so much for my $20k savings account goal. i was soooo close too.. well, ive proven to myself that i can manage my money. very well actually. and i know that i can live the rest of my life managing and saving the way a grown up should :) god dammet!
it was a costly mistake, but i am just so grateful that i didnt hurt anyone. i felt like i was ok to drive, for the most part but when i read the officers report, i obviously wasnt. its really hit me hard. needless to say, im not drinking and driving ever again. i just hope my friends can see what i have had to go thru just for this, without being in an accident and learn from my mistake. we've all done it, i just got caught.
my mom's birthday is in eleven days. i miss her. dearly.
i miss a lot of people that arent really in my life any more. i miss Jesse. i miss Jeff. i miss Andy. i miss Lisa. i even miss Anna, believe it or not.
so, all in all. my life is just as crazy as it always is. im loving every other second of it.
every step we take is another reason to take another. no matter how much we look into the past and think that it was better or feel like we want things back the way we used to have them, we need to keep looking forward to the future and know that things will continue to be beautiful.
i made THE list a few days ago. i cant remember all of their names but i can remember their faces and where we met. how we met. and how good they were, how my interaction with them changed me. there's a lot of them. holy shit theres a lot of them. i kinda feel bad in a way but i know that i never mis-represent myself or my intentions. i tell myself that like minded people tend to fall in with like minded people. besides, im young, single, and full of life. there are defiantly a few that stick out in my mind. of course.
erin is the girl im dating right now. she might as well be straight off the boat Irish. with a name like erin colleen mccarthy, you cant get much more than that. shes got a killer sense of humor and a great body. shes my friends sister tho so thats some dangerous territory that im sailing in. but, we've had that 'talk' we're all adults, we can make our own decisions and mistakes.
steph still sends me random texts even after she said she was going to delete my number. i kinda miss her. she was probably the strongest most independent woman ive ever dated. but also the most insecure. i have a lot of female friends and thats just something she couldnt handle. i wont give up my friends for a girlfriend. at least never again.
things with the lesbians are pretty cool. im just a piece of meat in that situation and im totally ok with that. luckily they are both lipstick lesbians. granted, they arent full on lesbians, just bi-sexual women that happen to be dating each other. they want to do a weekend trip into glenwood springs, with another chick. we've done a one nighter with the four of us, i dont know if i can handle a full weekend. but i am more than willing to give it a try.
i know, my life sucks doesnt it.
the only down side to life right now is that i have had my drivers license revoked due to a DUI on halloween. it sucks. im grounded for a while, at least until i can get a few things done. i have to get the breathalyser installed on my car. i should be able to work from home in about two weeks when my IP phone arrives. plus the increase to my monthly bills sucks. just for the fines and classes there are an additional $400 i have to cough up. not including the increase to my insurance. i talked it down to a DWAI and careless drivng. that'll be better for mr insurance.
it has put a pretty big dent in my savings. with all the lawyer fees, court fees and everything, its already cost me $8,000. so much for my $20k savings account goal. i was soooo close too.. well, ive proven to myself that i can manage my money. very well actually. and i know that i can live the rest of my life managing and saving the way a grown up should :) god dammet!
it was a costly mistake, but i am just so grateful that i didnt hurt anyone. i felt like i was ok to drive, for the most part but when i read the officers report, i obviously wasnt. its really hit me hard. needless to say, im not drinking and driving ever again. i just hope my friends can see what i have had to go thru just for this, without being in an accident and learn from my mistake. we've all done it, i just got caught.
my mom's birthday is in eleven days. i miss her. dearly.
i miss a lot of people that arent really in my life any more. i miss Jesse. i miss Jeff. i miss Andy. i miss Lisa. i even miss Anna, believe it or not.
so, all in all. my life is just as crazy as it always is. im loving every other second of it.