It was Jim's third weekend as the diner's regular musician. There hadn't been any real trouble since that first night, though Nyota's father had insisted that if anyone harassed Jim again that she come get him immediately. Nyota just hoped it never became an issue. She and her father were both thrilled to have a musician whose music really meant
(
Read more... )
Her gaze shifted to the door, and he knew what she was thinking then. If her brother saw them dancing like this, there would be trouble regardless of how innocent the situation actually was. It didn't matter, that wouldn't be how it looked, wouldn't be how people would see it. He danced her over to the jukebox again and paused to get the music going again, then moved them in direction of the kitchen. "We'll hear him come in this way. Don't worry, you're not getting in trouble over this," he whispered as they entered the kitchen.
There wasn't as much room to dance in the kitchen, though, so their movements were limited to a certain extent. Still, what was important from an educational perspective was just that she got the steps and general movements down to begin with. She seemed to get the point of what he'd been trying to explain about the dance, and a tendril of the fire in her eyes curled up his spine, making him suppress a slight shudder as she moved even closer. "Something like that, yes. But you act it out with your body, with the way you move..."
As she spoke, he tried to remind himself that she was just doing as he'd instructed and pretending. Because hearing her talk like that was messing with his resolve to not do anything but dance with her. His gaze turned a little more heated as he looked at her, his heart beating a little harder each time she pressed up against him. He knew he was playing with fire here, but it might just be worth it to keep that look in her eyes. With a quiet sigh, he rested his cheek against the top of her head. He should move away, should stop this, but he couldn't quite bring himself to do it. "You could drop by my place sometime... I could teach you there... Or at the studio the days I don't have to come here. Up to you..."
Reply
When he guided her into the kitchen, she felt a prick of something like guilt. It was one thing for her brother to disapprove, but she knew that her father wouldn't like the idea of her dancing like this either. It was easier to focus on Kamau, because they disagreed about so many things. He certainly wouldn't approve of Jim, with or without dancing. “It's probably better that he doesn't see this. My brother doesn't exactly see eye to eye with my father and I,” she said softly. It might just have been a comment, but there was a soft note of warning in her voice, perhaps even an apology. She was slightly apprehensive about them meeting, because even though Kamau hadn't bothered talking any more about it, she knew he didn't approve of her father's decision to hire Jim.
Something about the way he looked at her when she agreed to embrace the story behind the dance sent a little shiver down her spine, and she almost blinked in surprise at the reaction. It was a little too easy to pretend that she was in love with him, and for a moment she had the irrational fear that if she kept looking into his eyes she might fall into them and never find her way back out again. The story seemed to transform the dance, made it fee complete. It felt as if fire was slowly igniting in her chest, and she wasn't quite sure what to do with it except pour it into her dancing, into their story.
When he rested his cheek against her head, she leaned into the touch a little, wondering why her heart wouldn't calm its racing. This felt unbelievably natural, though soft warning bells were chiming in the back of her mind. When he offered to teach her she felt a rush of happiness so strong it startled her, and then a wave of doubt. Her family would not approve, but... she did everything they asked of her, lived the life they'd chosen for her. Was it so wrong to have just this one thing for herself? For a few moments she was torn, but even though part of her firmly believed it was the wrong decision, something else was stronger. “I would like that,” she replied, wondering what the best place for this was. Anyone might see her in the dance studio, though she doubted it was in a part of town where she'd know anyone. But still... “I could come to your place,” she suggested softly. “I only work the lunch shift Thursday through Sunday.” She took a deep breath. “Jim, if you're going to teach me, it's probably better that no one know about it. They... wouldn't understand."
Reply
The fact that they had to keep something as innocent as teaching her to dance a secret just cemented how much he shouldn't even be thinking about kissing her, how he shouldn't be pressed this close up against her. It wasn't necessary for the dance, and he never danced this closely with any of his students, even if they sometimes tried to. The benefits of being both the teacher, and the one who led the dance were plentiful and very handy on occasion. And there had been a slight warning in her voice when she spoke of her brother. Even this could cause her so much trouble, and the last thing he wanted was to cause her any grief.
The repercussions were too severe, and it was only that which made him stop a few inches from her lips and pull back. "I think you've gotten the basics down now," he tried to explain why he was putting more distance between them, why he was moving away so only their hands touched again. The truth was, however, that if he didn't, he would kiss her, and he knew he wouldn't be able to stop kissing her until she gave and let him keep kissing her.
Reply
His cheek was pressed against hers, and it made her heart jump into her throat. She knew that being this close together was probably part of the dance, but it kept catching her off guard, kept making her stomach squirm a little. It still made her feel strangely off balance, but moving like this just suited the music. The next time she heard a song with similar rhythms, it would be almost impossible not to add a little bit of rumba to the way she moved. Their movements had slowed down dramatically, and she let her eyes drift closed and sighed softly. This moment felt so peaceful, and for once she wasn't using the music to daydream about anything else. She was happy, just like this.
She felt strangely bereft when he pulled away but shook off the reaction and smiled warmly at him. “Thank you. It's... better than I imagined it would be,” she said, almost shyly, and was on the verge of telling him just how this dream was born before she tamped down on the words. Something about him made her want to just... tell him things. It was odd, because she didn't know him well, and even though he seemed open minded that didn't mean she should say whatever was on her mind.
Reply
He tapped the pen against the counter a few times and stared down at the scribbled words as if they held the answers to the mysteries of the universe. True to his usual, impulsive self, he'd made her a promise. One he wasn't about to back out of. Sam had always said that his tendency to leap without looking would land him in trouble one day, and he may have been more right than he'd wanted to be. Jim would certainly have to be very, very careful to not let it be anything other than dancing lessons again.
Decision made, he walked back into the kitchen and handed her the note. "There you go. It's not the Four Seasons, but... It's there, and it serves its purpose." Scratching the back of his neck, he intensely hoped that her brother showed up soon. Preferably before he was tempted beyond reason again. "And trust me, you won't thank me when your feet feel like they're about to fall off because I've made you repeat the same steps for hours. If I'm going to teach you, I'm going to do it right. The fact that you're not paying me just gives me the luxury of not having to coddle you, but make sure you actually learn. Beyond what you need for vapid dances and lackluster ballrooms. You're gonna hate me before the first month is over."
Reply
Her musings came to an end when he walked back into the kitchen and handed her the note. She accepted it happily and read the address. Ah, it'll be easy to get there if I take the 2. It wasn't a part of town she went to often - just one more thing about this that made it an adventure. She listened with growing excitement as he explained that he wasn't going to coddle her, that he was actually going to teach her right. It sounded like a challenge, and as always she planned to meet it head on. “I'm looking forward to it. There's no point in learning something if you don't learn it the right way.” There was amusement and affection in her eyes as she added, “And I could never hate you, Jim, though I don't promise not to complain if my feet hurt afterward.”
She was almost giddy, and suddenly felt the need to look away. Her eyes fell on the clock, and her smile faded a little. “Kamau should have been here ages ago,” she said suddenly. “I wonder if he got held up somewhere.” It wasn't like her brother to be so late. She shrugged and looked back at Jim. “You.. don't have to wait with me. I'm sure he'll show up soon.”
Reply
"I'll hold you to that, and a little complaining is acceptable. Lord knows I whined my mom's ears off when she taught me," he rolled his eyes at the memory and leaned a little closer to whisper as if he was sharing a great secret. "I'd much rather have been out in the old barn tinkering with my bike than learning how to foxtrot. If it hadn't been because she bribed me shamelessly with new spare parts, I'd have two left feet today."
The softness of her smile and the affection in her eyes were reflected in his own expression and another little jolt of electricity cracked through the air. This time, though, he was sure she noticed it too, because she snapped her eyes away and looked at the clock. "Maybe. I'm sure he'll be here soon." When she looked at him again, he gave her a small shrug and stretched his arms over his head, making his joints pop. "Nah, 's alright. You're much better company than my ceiling."
Reply
Her expression turned slightly nostalgic. “My mother used to work part time as a waitress at the Savoy when she was younger. It was this huge ballroom over on Lenox Avenue,” she added, not sure how familiar he was with Harlem. “Once she took me back to visit, and I watched the dancing from the kitchen. It was incredible, to see the whole floor full of people spinning and dipping and smiling. They even let blacks and whites dance together. My mom noticed how much I liked it and told me that maybe one day she'd convince dad to let me learn, but...” She shrugged. Her mother wasn't around to convince her father of anything.
It really was far too easy to talk to him, and far too easy to get lost in his eyes. “Well that's quite a compliment, Jim. I'm honored.”
Reply
So he listened to her talk about her mother in turn and her story brought a smile to his face. He'd heard a few whisperings about what had happened to Mrs. Uhura, but hadn't wanted to ask any questions. Grief was a private matter and should only be shared by the choice of the people who carried it. "I remember the Savoy. It was a great place, I was sad to see it close."
He paused, then gave her hand a gentle little squeeze. "Can't say much about convincing your dad, but it seems both you and your mom are getting what you wanted. We'll find a new Savoy for you to dance at. And trust me, you're a lot more interesting than watching the paint peel off slowly."
Reply
It didn't really surprise her that he knew that Savoy. It was fairly famous even outside of Harlem, or so she'd heard. “Me too. I'd always hoped I'd get a chance to dance there,” she replied. Memories of her mother made her smile, gave her strength, even though it hurt to think about the fact that she wasn't around, and to think about how losing her had changed her father irrevocably.
Her eyes widened slightly when he squeezed her hand, and she tentatively squeezed back, resisting the strange compulsion to lace her fingers with his. Her eyes lit up a little at the prospect of finding a replacement for the Savoy. “I'd love to find another ballroom to dance at," she replied, though she knew there weren't many that would allow her and Jim to dance together. "She'd be happy to see me dancing. I do wish I could tell my dad, but...” There were just some things it was better for him not to know, and although she didn't want to say it she was afraid that her father would be angry at Jim if he found out.
“Hmm,” she said, pretending to consider his last comment for a moment. “My ceiling is pretty interesting, but I don't suppose it'll teach me how to dance.”
Reply
She returned the light squeeze and he had to fight the urge to put his arm around her. They'd already been down that road once tonight, and it had nearly ended in disaster, so it was better to keep things as light and friendly as possible. Even if the touch made his hand tingle oddly. "We'll find a ballroom for you, I promise. And you know how I am about making promises," he joked and ran his thumb over the back of her hand.
"I know. Despite how open-minded he is, you're still his daughter and I'm still the white boy teaching you something he can't. It's the way things are. We can try to change them, bit by bit, but Rome wasn't built in one day. It's not just about civil rights, though that's a vital part of it. It's about changing the way people think..." He shook his head and snorted in wry amusement. "Just think, maybe in thirty, or fifty years, a guy like me can walk down the street holding hands with a girl like you. Take her out dancing anywhere they want to go, put his arm around her at the movies and steal a kiss or two, and no one will think anything of it. Because they'd be equals in the eyes of the world. Because they are equals, people are just too goddamn blind to see it. I hope I live to see that day..."
Reply
Her gaze dropped briefly to his hand on hers, then flickered back to his eyes as he promised her a ballroom. “And you know that I'll hold you to that promise,” she answered, already looking forward to it. Her breath hitched ever so slightly as he ran his thumb over her hand, and it struck her that she should pull her hand away, but the contact was too comforting, and surely this was nothing to be concerned about after the way they'd danced.
The way he started talking surprised her, and she looked at him carefully. She'd known that he was open-minded - his music had made that clear right from the start - but it was still strange to hear him vocalize it like this. When he painted her a picture of hands entwined and stolen kisses, her mind supplied an image of the two of them that she immediately shook off and forced herself not to think about. Still, his words about equality went straight to her heart, and she nodded, a considering expression on her face. She didn't usually talk about these things, especially with white men, but Jim was different. She inhaled shortly and looked straight at him as she replied. “That day is going to come, when we learn to stop inventing arbitrary reasons to hate each other and realize that we're not really all that different... And maybe the daughter of that couple you described will be able to go to any college she wants. Maybe her career choices won't be limited by the fact that she's a woman, because we're all equal.” She held his gaze for a moment, wondering if she should be saying these things to him, and then looked away. She believed that the world was going to change - it was a hope her father had instilled in her and one she couldn't give up - but it was frustrating anyway.
“My father's a good man,” she added, voice soft. “He has reasons not to be open-minded, but that hasn't stopped him.”
Reply
She weighed his every word, and when he'd finished speaking, he could practically hear the cogs turning in her mind. It was obvious she hadn't expected him to say what he did, but she seemed to approve. And then there was that glimmer of intelligence, of pride and of knowing she deserved better than what life was giving her, shining brightly in her eyes. But along with that was an unspoken challenge, daring him to disagree with her. He didn't, but he couldn't resist teasing her a little. He gasped in mock surprise and put his hand on his chest, feigning shocked outrage. "Never! Women are born for nothing but cooking for men and bearing their sons. They don't have the brains for education!"
He kept a relatively straight face for all of about five seconds, then broke down and laughed. "I'm sorry, I agree with you. It's just... The idea that what we have between our legs has any influence over our intelligence is just too absurd not to poke fun at." His laughter died down to a soft chuckle and he cleared his throat before he became more serious again. "The only time that difference really matters is in the bedroom and on the way there. We're really all just people. Yes, we look different, but that's life. It's the differences that make things interesting."
Her hand was still holding onto his, and he brought it up to gently kiss the back of it. "You're an amazing woman, Uhura. Don't ever let anyone change you or tell you different. I know your father's a good person. He's changing his little corner of the world the only ways he can and the ways he knows how. It's up to us to change our little corners and roll with the punches people throw at us. If we don't, nothing's ever going to change."
Reply
Her eyes widened at his outburst, then narrowed when he started laughing. The tension building in her chest eased when he made it clear that he was joking, and although she'd suspected as much it still made her a little nervous to talk about such things, especially with someone outside of her family. “It isn't funny,” she insisted, though there was a hint of amusement in her voice. “But it is ridiculous to think that intelligence has anything to do with gender.” Her expression softened a little as she looked at him. It was refreshing to voice aloud ideas that were so clear and simple in her mind. Hearing that it was as obvious to him as it was to her soothed something inside her that ached, and made her respect him that much more. “We ought to be celebrating our differences. You can't learn anything from someone who's exactly like you."
Her train of thought stalled a bit when he kissed her hand again, and to her slight horror she found herself blushing at his words. She wasn't used to people saying things like that to her. “Thank you... My father always says that if you want things to be different, you have to make them different.” It was easier to address that comment than to think about him calling her an amazing woman. It made her heart swell with warmth, made her think that maybe her hopes for something better weren't so naive after all. "I don't entirely know what to make of you, Jim, but I'm very glad I met you.”
Reply
"I'm very glad I met you, too," he admitted softly and brushed his thumb over her knuckles again. It was true, even if it was difficult at times like this to remember why it was a bad idea to touch her the way he really wanted to, why he'd always have to settle for innocent little touches and mask his desire to keep touching her by teaching her how to dance. He couldn't help feeling like the worst asshole in existence for taking something from her she didn't know she was giving, but he couldn't seem to help himself when she was close. She was smart, she was stubborn and probably stronger than any other woman he'd met, and she matched his every challenge with one of her own.
He fell silent because if he spoke right at that moment, he was going to say things he shouldn't and wouldn't be able to take back. So he just kept caressing her hand idly and looked at the movements of his thumb over her skin, all the differences between them standing out in sharp contrast, reminding him of their places in the world.
Reply
The soft admission made her heart flutter slightly, and she couldn't keep the wide smile off her face that he felt as she did. She looked forward most to the days when he would be at the diner, and now she'd be able to see him on other days as well, to talk with him, to dance with him. He makes life a little more bearable, she thought, and then instantly felt guilty. Working in the diner wasn't so bad, and she got to spend every day with her family. Her father did the best he could, and she loved the diner, but the idea that her life would never be bigger than that broke her heart a little. And Jim... He made her want to not only speak her dreams aloud but chase after them with everything she had.
They'd descended into silence that was a little too comfortable, and though she didn't quite know what to make of him stroking her hand she didn't want him to stop. The sound of the front door opening broke the silence, and she pulled her hand away sharply. Her eyes flashed to Jim's, full of apology. There was no reason for her to react like that when they weren't doing anything wrong.
She turned to see Kamau walk into the kitchen, and gasped at the sight of him. His eye was black, there was a trickle of blood on his cheek, and his nose looked like it might be broken. “What happened?!” she breathed out, walking towards him to examine his injuries.
Kamau's eyes flickered to Jim, then back to her. “Don't make a fuss, Nyota.”
“Don't make a fuss?! What do you expect me to do when you walk in here looking like this?!” Anger and worry were plain in her voice. “I'll get ice,” she added, grabbing a washcloth to wrap the ice in and walking towards the freezer.
Kamau's face darkened, but he didn't protest. “I take it you're out new musician?” Kamau said to Jim, and then without giving him a chance to respond said to Nyota, “What is he still doing here?”
“Being a gentleman,” Nyota responded angrily. “Which is more than I can say for you."
Reply
Leave a comment