DEEP THOUGHTS AFTER WATCHING DISCIPLE, I HAVE THEM.
PROMPTLY AFTER THE FAILSDAY BATTLE OF FAIL:
CLARK: (wakes up in an underground krypto-cage)
LEX: Mwahaha! I have you at my mercy, Clark!
CLARK: Lex! You're alive! And still evil!
LEX: Indeed. Now, let me explain to you my evil plan: we're going to replace Clark Kent with an evil clone with a heart of darkness. LET'S SEE IF ANYONE NOTICES!
CLARK: You'll never get away with this!
LEX: I already have! Flyyyy, my pretty! Flyyyyy!
ERADICLARK: (takes nosedive off the Statue of Liberty) ...yeah, apparently that's a no-go for me, too.
CLARK: I've been replaced by an evil clone before, Lex. And everyone totally figured it out back then too! Well, almost everyone. Well, Chloe. But my point is, your plan is doomed to fail!
LEX: Yeah? What did the last evil clone do, again? Besides proposing an alliance for world domination and an April wedding in Vermont, I totally remember that part.
CLARK: Well, for starters, he liked to sport darker colors, which we all know is a dead giveaway in Smallville that you are EVOL or at least morally grey...
ERADICLARK: CHECK OUT MY SWEET NEW EVIL THREADS!
CLARK: ...and he was kind of a violent psycho...
ERADICLARK: TREE BAD. FIRE PRETTY!
CLARK: ...can't forget how he didn't give a crap about Chloe...
CHLOE: Clark! You're back! I thought you abandoned me forever!
ERADICLARK: You know, abandoning you forever was so much fun the first time, I thought I'd come back and do it all over again for shits and giggles! GOODBYE FOREVAAAAAAAR!
CHLOE: ...
CLARK: ...good thing Chloe figured it out in like ten minutes and kept the McGuffin du jour out of the evil clone's hands back then...
CHLOE: (wires evil clone's house and taps his phone to keep track of its evil plans, is hiding the plot in a lead-lined box at Watchtower probably)
CLARK: ...oh, and can't forget how the evil clone was all about the sexytimes. I mean, come on, that's a dead giveaway. Clark Kent actually trying to get laid? Nobody would be dumb enough to make the same mistake twice on that count.
ERADICLARK: Clarkie horny, Lois.
SIX MONTHS LATER...
LEX: ...and to conclude the findings from the anonymous questionnaire I sent to everyone you know, the final question was, "Have you noticed any major changes in Clark in the past six months?" Answers received were:
"Totally evil, but whether it's a clone, Brainiac in disguise, or a new flavor of kryptonite, fuck if I know and I dunno what to do until I narrow it down."
"He finally trashed that damn jacket."
"Even more of a dick, but his superdickery has been growing exponentially over the years, so no shocker."
"Less whining, more property damage, but I think that's a fair trade."
LEX: ...and apparently the clone's grand plan to save the earth is to hug it out with supervillains.
CLARK: How bizarre. That sounds just like my plan to subdue you and your evil plans, except for how my plan is called "blowjobbing it out" instead!
LEX: I know. Weird, right?
CLARK: (wakes up in an underground krypto-cage)
LEX: Mwahaha! I have you at my mercy, Clark!
CLARK: Lex! You're alive! And still evil!
LEX: Indeed. Now, let me explain to you my evil plan: we're going to replace Clark Kent with an evil clone with a heart of darkness. LET'S SEE IF ANYONE NOTICES!
CLARK: You'll never get away with this!
LEX: I already have! Flyyyy, my pretty! Flyyyyy!
ERADICLARK: (takes nosedive off the Statue of Liberty) ...yeah, apparently that's a no-go for me, too.
CLARK: I've been replaced by an evil clone before, Lex. And everyone totally figured it out back then too! Well, almost everyone. Well, Chloe. But my point is, your plan is doomed to fail!
LEX: Yeah? What did the last evil clone do, again? Besides proposing an alliance for world domination and an April wedding in Vermont, I totally remember that part.
CLARK: Well, for starters, he liked to sport darker colors, which we all know is a dead giveaway in Smallville that you are EVOL or at least morally grey...
ERADICLARK: CHECK OUT MY SWEET NEW EVIL THREADS!
CLARK: ...and he was kind of a violent psycho...
ERADICLARK: TREE BAD. FIRE PRETTY!
CLARK: ...can't forget how he didn't give a crap about Chloe...
CHLOE: Clark! You're back! I thought you abandoned me forever!
ERADICLARK: You know, abandoning you forever was so much fun the first time, I thought I'd come back and do it all over again for shits and giggles! GOODBYE FOREVAAAAAAAR!
CHLOE: ...
CLARK: ...good thing Chloe figured it out in like ten minutes and kept the McGuffin du jour out of the evil clone's hands back then...
CHLOE: (wires evil clone's house and taps his phone to keep track of its evil plans, is hiding the plot in a lead-lined box at Watchtower probably)
CLARK: ...oh, and can't forget how the evil clone was all about the sexytimes. I mean, come on, that's a dead giveaway. Clark Kent actually trying to get laid? Nobody would be dumb enough to make the same mistake twice on that count.
ERADICLARK: Clarkie horny, Lois.
SIX MONTHS LATER...
LEX: ...and to conclude the findings from the anonymous questionnaire I sent to everyone you know, the final question was, "Have you noticed any major changes in Clark in the past six months?" Answers received were:
"Totally evil, but whether it's a clone, Brainiac in disguise, or a new flavor of kryptonite, fuck if I know and I dunno what to do until I narrow it down."
"He finally trashed that damn jacket."
"Even more of a dick, but his superdickery has been growing exponentially over the years, so no shocker."
"Less whining, more property damage, but I think that's a fair trade."
LEX: ...and apparently the clone's grand plan to save the earth is to hug it out with supervillains.
CLARK: How bizarre. That sounds just like my plan to subdue you and your evil plans, except for how my plan is called "blowjobbing it out" instead!
LEX: I know. Weird, right?