My personal conclusions (part 2 of 2)
Why I do not want a master/slave relationship.
1) I do not trust anyone else to make decisions for me. I do not wish to trust anyone else to make decisions for me. It is expecting a dominant to be superhuman to know you so well as to always make the right decision. And he can't screw up too much, or the trust will be gone. And worse yet, what happens if a decision is made that truly, seriously backfires? The blame for that decision lays heavily on one party. I love my spice. I do not want to give them the ability to decide for me and pay them back by blaming them if they make the wrong choice. I do not want them to have to anticipate my every mood, detail, and thought. It is my responsibility as a human being to say "This is what I want, this is what I need, this is the choice I make."
This does not mean that I spend most of my time stubbornly demanding that I get what I want. I don't think that my spice and I have disagreed on anything important in over a year. Hell, we usually don't even disagree on what we're having for dinner. But I need to know that this is a joint effort. I need to know that if I put my foot down, no one is going to override me unless I choose to change my mind.
I need a stake in the decisions that affect me. And I need to know that when I say no, that's it.
2) Rapist/victim, kidnapper/kidnapee, sultan/harem slave, teacher/student, owner/pet, daddy/little girl. master/slave.
These are fantasies. A lot of them are really fucking hot fantasies. But they are not reality. Reality is something else. A rape victim did not enjoy it. An incest victim did not enjoy it. And I'm betting throughout history that slaves did not enjoy it.
I am not African-American. I am, in fact, about as pale as a person can get. I did not think about how this ever so common d/s thought would make others feel. I am rather irritated at myself for it as well. I cannot imagine how offensive it would be to have people dream of something that has warped our society as much as it has.
Fantasy is not reality. I have a lot of fantasies. But my day to day life happens in the real world.
The situations where someone's ability to choose is truly taken away are horror stories. Not lifestyles. Wanting to act out a fantasy is wonderful. Wanting to live it is a sign that something is seriously wrong.
3) A master/slave relationship is more fragile than a typical one. A slave depends on the master to make the right decision. What happens if the master makes the wrong one? What happens if the master makes the wrong one more than once? We are human. If you expect someone to be perfect, you will always be disappointed. I do not want someone who is perfect. I want someone who is human. I want someone who will calm me down when I'm hysterical, who will cheer me up when I'm depressed, who expects nothing more of me than that I love him /and/ her, and who demands nothing in return but my love.
I want our decisions to be made together. I want us to argue, stubbornly hold our ground, and for whomever is right to prevail. I want to know that if I make a mistake, I will not lose them. I want them to know that if they make mistakes, I'll still be here. I love my spice, with their strengths and weaknesses, with their flaws and good traits. And I wouldn't have it any other way.