I Slept Passed 3!!!!/ Analyze That!!!!!
K, I didn't wake up at 3 like I was dreading. Well, I did wake up once but I was too scared too look at the time. I just turned over, shut my eyes, and went back to bed. I'm guessing Kristin didn't wake up either because I didn't get any missed calls or texts. Good. We're in the clearing girl. All you have to do is pray. I'm still kinda freaked out about my rosary though.....that's not cool. That's like turning a cross upside down....to me anyways. Plus I was tired because Nikki and I were texting for awhile.....speaking of that....Sheena was talking to me about analyzing what people say to get a deeper picture and I actually tried it and this is what I came up with.
"Not think about it. YOU DESERVE SOO MUCH MORE. NO ONE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE MAKE U FEEL UNWANTED/INSECURE AND UNAPPRECIATIVE! U deserve Respect & equal love. dont dwell on the past live for the present. Dont regret what you did but what you DIDN'T DO! THINGS TAKE TIME! THE HARDEST THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS THE EASIEST LOVE!" -Shenna
That was written to me by Sheena Saturday night. We were passing notes while we were working. It's only obvious what it was about but that made me feel better.....her words are....uncanny. That's exactly how it was written to me and I totally understand the emphasism on everything that was capitalized. She cares....she knows how I am....especially lately....since I got back from Texas. She's the only one who has taken in the full effect of who I really am and I love it.....look how much more closer we got....I mean....I can say without any doubt in my head that I have a best friend....and this is coming from someone who hasn't believed in best friends since her junior year in high school.....4 freakin years. Tell me that's not crazy....it's amazing how things can change and you can change just as long as people are willing to let that in.
"ya ya! There's no need to look for any1. spend the time 2 have fun, enjoy life & figure out WHO YOU REALLY are. DRINKING MAY NOT BE the best thing b/c it's a depressant. I THINK, even that bad in Life happens for a reason. The reason may @ 1st be unclear but in the end it always has a message to be learned. :) I wish I had someone when I was going through alot 3 yrs ago. where were you!" -Sheena
That was the second part of our note that she wrote. She just kept picking me up that night. The rest goes on to say how I want us to still hang out when we're like 80. The thing is I haven't had this closeness with anyone here because I didn't want it. But now...for some reason she was able to just ease right in there and now she means just as much to me as Lili, Vanessa and Damaris do. You know how hard it is to get me to care/love someone that much....those 3 are UP THERE and the fact that Sheena is now up there....it's surprises but it feels good. It makes me feel like maybe I'm not as closed off as I use to be.
"until then 2 the beautiful girl who is and will always by my first true love in my life. ive never stopped loving u. never." -Eliana
My first love lasted for a year and half....sure it was sooooo hard when we broke up...we didn't speak for 9 months and then all of a sudden I'm awaken by her text message. From there we started to have closure and that's when I would get text messages like that. It wasn't the fact that she wanted back....it was just to let me know that she did love me when we were together and even if we weren't together she'd always love me. I was somone special in her life....I know that, she knows that. Now, we're pretty good friends. She's given me advice about Nikki and I've given her advice about Sylvia....and the greatest thing....there's no weirdness there. It's cool. We can talk freely to eachother about this....she was and still is the person that knows EVERYTHING about me. She knows things that Vane' and Maris don't. I let her in fully and I don't regret it at all. I'm glad we're friends and I'm grateful that I still have her to turn to.
"I wish u were here w/me. I love u very much. I'm sry things r the way they r between us." -Nikki
That was written to me when I was in Texas.....funny thing is.....that's how I feel this very instance.
"Hopefully things wil b better soon n this wil b the past. I miss our cuddle time...I mis ur smile." -Nikki
Another text from when I was in Texas and yet another way of how I feel. What happened to that person who was so hopeful?
"Sweetheart, its ok. I love u. Dont b so hard on urself. Ur an amazing g/f!" -Nikki
This is when I got back from Texas....cant ever say that this was true because it certainly doesn't feel that way. But then again I don't know what people feel when they write stuff like that....I guess after all that happens it's hard to believe that. I have a lot of saved text messages from her that are like there.....they use to bring me comfort when something went wrong....now......they just bring me doubt and get me so angry. It's only natural to be bitter though.
"Awe just let it go read what I told u." -Sheena
This was just like half and hour ago.....I read what you told me to bunny....christ I havent on here now for everyone to read. Thanks for the support.....you care too much but it only makes me care bout you more. That's what best friends are for right?! You're putting a different perspective on my life and I can't thank you enough.....you're letting me be a better person and it's nice to know that our friends are open to see that. I love you Sheena.
"Not think about it. YOU DESERVE SOO MUCH MORE. NO ONE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE MAKE U FEEL UNWANTED/INSECURE AND UNAPPRECIATIVE! U deserve Respect & equal love. dont dwell on the past live for the present. Dont regret what you did but what you DIDN'T DO! THINGS TAKE TIME! THE HARDEST THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS THE EASIEST LOVE!" -Shenna
That was written to me by Sheena Saturday night. We were passing notes while we were working. It's only obvious what it was about but that made me feel better.....her words are....uncanny. That's exactly how it was written to me and I totally understand the emphasism on everything that was capitalized. She cares....she knows how I am....especially lately....since I got back from Texas. She's the only one who has taken in the full effect of who I really am and I love it.....look how much more closer we got....I mean....I can say without any doubt in my head that I have a best friend....and this is coming from someone who hasn't believed in best friends since her junior year in high school.....4 freakin years. Tell me that's not crazy....it's amazing how things can change and you can change just as long as people are willing to let that in.
"ya ya! There's no need to look for any1. spend the time 2 have fun, enjoy life & figure out WHO YOU REALLY are. DRINKING MAY NOT BE the best thing b/c it's a depressant. I THINK, even that bad in Life happens for a reason. The reason may @ 1st be unclear but in the end it always has a message to be learned. :) I wish I had someone when I was going through alot 3 yrs ago. where were you!" -Sheena
That was the second part of our note that she wrote. She just kept picking me up that night. The rest goes on to say how I want us to still hang out when we're like 80. The thing is I haven't had this closeness with anyone here because I didn't want it. But now...for some reason she was able to just ease right in there and now she means just as much to me as Lili, Vanessa and Damaris do. You know how hard it is to get me to care/love someone that much....those 3 are UP THERE and the fact that Sheena is now up there....it's surprises but it feels good. It makes me feel like maybe I'm not as closed off as I use to be.
"until then 2 the beautiful girl who is and will always by my first true love in my life. ive never stopped loving u. never." -Eliana
My first love lasted for a year and half....sure it was sooooo hard when we broke up...we didn't speak for 9 months and then all of a sudden I'm awaken by her text message. From there we started to have closure and that's when I would get text messages like that. It wasn't the fact that she wanted back....it was just to let me know that she did love me when we were together and even if we weren't together she'd always love me. I was somone special in her life....I know that, she knows that. Now, we're pretty good friends. She's given me advice about Nikki and I've given her advice about Sylvia....and the greatest thing....there's no weirdness there. It's cool. We can talk freely to eachother about this....she was and still is the person that knows EVERYTHING about me. She knows things that Vane' and Maris don't. I let her in fully and I don't regret it at all. I'm glad we're friends and I'm grateful that I still have her to turn to.
"I wish u were here w/me. I love u very much. I'm sry things r the way they r between us." -Nikki
That was written to me when I was in Texas.....funny thing is.....that's how I feel this very instance.
"Hopefully things wil b better soon n this wil b the past. I miss our cuddle time...I mis ur smile." -Nikki
Another text from when I was in Texas and yet another way of how I feel. What happened to that person who was so hopeful?
"Sweetheart, its ok. I love u. Dont b so hard on urself. Ur an amazing g/f!" -Nikki
This is when I got back from Texas....cant ever say that this was true because it certainly doesn't feel that way. But then again I don't know what people feel when they write stuff like that....I guess after all that happens it's hard to believe that. I have a lot of saved text messages from her that are like there.....they use to bring me comfort when something went wrong....now......they just bring me doubt and get me so angry. It's only natural to be bitter though.
"Awe just let it go read what I told u." -Sheena
This was just like half and hour ago.....I read what you told me to bunny....christ I havent on here now for everyone to read. Thanks for the support.....you care too much but it only makes me care bout you more. That's what best friends are for right?! You're putting a different perspective on my life and I can't thank you enough.....you're letting me be a better person and it's nice to know that our friends are open to see that. I love you Sheena.