It's officially time to move on
The last week or so has definitely been an experience. On Wednesday, I flew up to Boston for the remainder of Senior week and graduation weekend. I was scheduled for the 8:30 shuttle to Boston, but managed to get on the 7:30. But due to storms and ground stays, my flight didn't actually take off until 10:30 and it was shortly after midnight when I arrived at Beth's apartment (which was a tad weird because I kept calling it MY apartment and had to keep correcting myself). While I was packing, the weather was predicted to be about 70 and sunny, so I had a suitcase full of tshirts and tanktops. When I got in, I found out that it was going to be 50ish and rainy all weekend. I was much relieved when my parents arrived on Saturday with warmer clothes. Until then, I was stuck layering tshirts and sweatshirts.
I went to the Clambake with Beth and Sharona on Thursday. Had it been about 10-15 degrees warmer, it would have been a whole lot better. As expected, the food was mediocre at best and the weather made it somewhat unpleasant. But Beth and I had fun exploring Thompson's Island, so it could have been a whole lot worse. We went out for dinner later and then spent the evening with some of Beth's friends at a bar in Allston. I crashed late and woke up early (again), and dragged myself in the rain to miscellaneous appointments and meetings (including a rather pointless 15 minute bio graduation meeting), had some lunch, and then got ready for the Champagne reception. Unlike the Clambake, the reception was actually a ton of fun. BU put out a decent spread and actually managed to serve acceptable Champagne. I also ran into tons of people I haven't seen in years (or months), so it was a fun time. I also got to show Marc off, which was great since the two of us are never dressed up at the same time. After dinner, we changed into warmer clothes and made our way to the North End for one last time. The head waiter at our favorite restaraunt told us off for not coming in a while, but forgave us when we reminded him we had graduated and moved home to NY (providing we promised to come back again at some point). Because the weather was against us, we chose to go straight back to the apartment after dessert at the Cafe and relaxed with Sharona, who was recovering from the reception. Beth and Dave came by not too long after, and we called it a relatively early night (meaning we were in bed by about 1, as oppossed to the 3:30 nights I had been having since I arrived in Boston).
My parents came by the following morning and we got to have some quality family time in Boston and Harvard Square. I finally took my parents to Finale, and then we later had dinner at Thai Basil. That evening, our whole group made it to Sunset for a round of drinks to celebrate, and then we called it a pretty early night. Despite all of our optimism (and denial), the weather decided to mock us at Commencement. It held out until we got to the tent to line up, and then the rain came. We got our ponchos just as we were walking out, and then had to sit in the rain for nearly two hours. I was pleasantly surprised with Dr. Chu's speech, which turned out to be quite charismatic and topical (he discussed the global warming epidemic, as well as pleasing your parents and following your own path in life). My former physiology professor was awarded the Metcalf Award for excellence in teaching, which he definitely deserved. Then the rain stopped just as we were processing out, almost as if it were mocking us. We made our way back to the apartment and had a nice lunch from Bertucci's. After some downtime, Beth and I left for our biology ceremony and Sharona left with her parents to kill time before the psych ceremony.
I managed to stay pretty calm for most of the day, until they lined us up for the biology ceremony. That's when it really hit. I mean, I technically graduated four months ago, but somehow, is was the smaller bio ceremony that made it seem real to me. After that ceremony ended, I'd never see most of these people ever again. I was actually done with college. It all had a comic twist since Prof Hausmann spent the entire ceremony glaring loathingly at me, until I pointed at him to Beth. Prof Cooper seemed shocked to see me, but Profs Widmaier, Schneider and Lin all came over to personally congratulate me and wish me good luck in life, and tell me they'd miss seeing me around campus.
I was very fortunate that my cousin Pearl (my surrogate grandmother) was able to make it to the evening ceremony. It really meant a lot to me, and possibly more to her, that she got to be there. She just kept hugging me and telling me how proud she was for me. For a moment, I actually knew what it was like to have a real grandmother who was interested in my life.
I went back to the apartment to gather my stuff and change for dinner, and I really had to fight back tears. In December, it was easier to leave because I knew I'd be back soon. But now, I knew I'd probably never come back. There'd be little point in coming back to campus if I took a long weekend to Boston. I know I'll never fit in there again. Sure, I might come back for a reunion once or twice, but it'll never be the same. As I was locking up the apartment, I had to laugh- Beth copied her keys for me (despite the words "do not duplicate" branded into them), so I'll always have a set of keys to my final apartment. Obviously, I'll never use them, but I'll always have them. They'll probably wind up in an album or something.
It's weird, really. I spent the last four years waiting to get out. I counted down semesters, classes and days. I made plans for what I'd do once I was home in New York. But now that I'm here, part of me misses Boston and college. I wonder how much of it I wasted or what I could have done differently. I wonder if I really should have left early. I also wonder if I just miss it because it was familiar and comfortable and now New York is strange and I hate Long Island. I wonder if it's the freedom and independance I miss, or the location. I can't wait for graduate school to start so that way I can get some of that back.
To top it off, almost everyone is asking me when I'll be moving in with Marc. I'd love to do that tomorrow, but I don't see when it'll happen. I'm going to be in grad school full time for 3 years, and once he finds a job, he has to pay off loans before anything can happen. But I hope it happens sooner rather than later.
I still feel like I'm not ready to let go yet, but I know I have to. There's nothing left from that old life. This fall, someone else will be in my old apartment and there will be a whole new Freshmen class moving in to campus. There will be a whole new set of Seniors counting down their last days. The people I knew are now scattered all over the country. Acquaintances are pretty much gone forever, since I doubt I'll ever run into them again. Beth is moving to Alaska in July for up to a year and Sharona is staying in Boston. I counted down the days until I'd be a real adult, and now I'm not so sure I want it. Growing up is scary shit. But I guess it'll get easier with time, especially once September rolls around and it's time to start over again. The cycle of life scares the hell out of me...
<3 Sarah
I went to the Clambake with Beth and Sharona on Thursday. Had it been about 10-15 degrees warmer, it would have been a whole lot better. As expected, the food was mediocre at best and the weather made it somewhat unpleasant. But Beth and I had fun exploring Thompson's Island, so it could have been a whole lot worse. We went out for dinner later and then spent the evening with some of Beth's friends at a bar in Allston. I crashed late and woke up early (again), and dragged myself in the rain to miscellaneous appointments and meetings (including a rather pointless 15 minute bio graduation meeting), had some lunch, and then got ready for the Champagne reception. Unlike the Clambake, the reception was actually a ton of fun. BU put out a decent spread and actually managed to serve acceptable Champagne. I also ran into tons of people I haven't seen in years (or months), so it was a fun time. I also got to show Marc off, which was great since the two of us are never dressed up at the same time. After dinner, we changed into warmer clothes and made our way to the North End for one last time. The head waiter at our favorite restaraunt told us off for not coming in a while, but forgave us when we reminded him we had graduated and moved home to NY (providing we promised to come back again at some point). Because the weather was against us, we chose to go straight back to the apartment after dessert at the Cafe and relaxed with Sharona, who was recovering from the reception. Beth and Dave came by not too long after, and we called it a relatively early night (meaning we were in bed by about 1, as oppossed to the 3:30 nights I had been having since I arrived in Boston).
My parents came by the following morning and we got to have some quality family time in Boston and Harvard Square. I finally took my parents to Finale, and then we later had dinner at Thai Basil. That evening, our whole group made it to Sunset for a round of drinks to celebrate, and then we called it a pretty early night. Despite all of our optimism (and denial), the weather decided to mock us at Commencement. It held out until we got to the tent to line up, and then the rain came. We got our ponchos just as we were walking out, and then had to sit in the rain for nearly two hours. I was pleasantly surprised with Dr. Chu's speech, which turned out to be quite charismatic and topical (he discussed the global warming epidemic, as well as pleasing your parents and following your own path in life). My former physiology professor was awarded the Metcalf Award for excellence in teaching, which he definitely deserved. Then the rain stopped just as we were processing out, almost as if it were mocking us. We made our way back to the apartment and had a nice lunch from Bertucci's. After some downtime, Beth and I left for our biology ceremony and Sharona left with her parents to kill time before the psych ceremony.
I managed to stay pretty calm for most of the day, until they lined us up for the biology ceremony. That's when it really hit. I mean, I technically graduated four months ago, but somehow, is was the smaller bio ceremony that made it seem real to me. After that ceremony ended, I'd never see most of these people ever again. I was actually done with college. It all had a comic twist since Prof Hausmann spent the entire ceremony glaring loathingly at me, until I pointed at him to Beth. Prof Cooper seemed shocked to see me, but Profs Widmaier, Schneider and Lin all came over to personally congratulate me and wish me good luck in life, and tell me they'd miss seeing me around campus.
I was very fortunate that my cousin Pearl (my surrogate grandmother) was able to make it to the evening ceremony. It really meant a lot to me, and possibly more to her, that she got to be there. She just kept hugging me and telling me how proud she was for me. For a moment, I actually knew what it was like to have a real grandmother who was interested in my life.
I went back to the apartment to gather my stuff and change for dinner, and I really had to fight back tears. In December, it was easier to leave because I knew I'd be back soon. But now, I knew I'd probably never come back. There'd be little point in coming back to campus if I took a long weekend to Boston. I know I'll never fit in there again. Sure, I might come back for a reunion once or twice, but it'll never be the same. As I was locking up the apartment, I had to laugh- Beth copied her keys for me (despite the words "do not duplicate" branded into them), so I'll always have a set of keys to my final apartment. Obviously, I'll never use them, but I'll always have them. They'll probably wind up in an album or something.
It's weird, really. I spent the last four years waiting to get out. I counted down semesters, classes and days. I made plans for what I'd do once I was home in New York. But now that I'm here, part of me misses Boston and college. I wonder how much of it I wasted or what I could have done differently. I wonder if I really should have left early. I also wonder if I just miss it because it was familiar and comfortable and now New York is strange and I hate Long Island. I wonder if it's the freedom and independance I miss, or the location. I can't wait for graduate school to start so that way I can get some of that back.
To top it off, almost everyone is asking me when I'll be moving in with Marc. I'd love to do that tomorrow, but I don't see when it'll happen. I'm going to be in grad school full time for 3 years, and once he finds a job, he has to pay off loans before anything can happen. But I hope it happens sooner rather than later.
I still feel like I'm not ready to let go yet, but I know I have to. There's nothing left from that old life. This fall, someone else will be in my old apartment and there will be a whole new Freshmen class moving in to campus. There will be a whole new set of Seniors counting down their last days. The people I knew are now scattered all over the country. Acquaintances are pretty much gone forever, since I doubt I'll ever run into them again. Beth is moving to Alaska in July for up to a year and Sharona is staying in Boston. I counted down the days until I'd be a real adult, and now I'm not so sure I want it. Growing up is scary shit. But I guess it'll get easier with time, especially once September rolls around and it's time to start over again. The cycle of life scares the hell out of me...
<3 Sarah