Aug 15, 2005 23:38
It sucks when you wake up one day and realize your not friends with people anymore. Well, I guess its more gradual than that. I cant figure out whats easier to deal with, very little contact or no contact at all. On one hand it is nice to at least keep in touch and on the other I really cant stand lip service. Part of it is my fault and part of it is just life. I moved away and I cant expect to stay friends with everyone, but then I think if that is the case why didnt it happen to all of my friends in Cali. I think I voice my opinion about this to everyone but the person I really should say something to in the first place. Of course I am hurt but I never tell her that. Maybe thats part of the problem, maybe she needs to know that I do want friendship from her, but Im not the type of person to beg for attention. I stopped trying because she never comes through for me, she is never there for me. Maybe she thinks the same about me. I think about it all the time and I turn my sadness into anger because its easier for me to be pissed than hurt. Then a couple of days go by and I let it go and I think maybe she will be there for me this time. So, in my mind I give her another chance and then the same shit happens over and over and over again. Some people make friends very easily, I am not one of those people, she is. I envy her sometimes for that, but I also sometimes think it might not be that great of a gift. I dont need tons of people to love me or want to be around me, just the people that really care about me. It has been this way since we were little kids and I always accepted it. I am not a jealous friend. I am not the type of person to not like you if you are a "new" person in the group. I always accepted the new people she befriended and brought around me. I never needed to be jealous because I knew when she was tired of them I would be the friend by her side once again. Well, this time it is different; I truly believe I have been officially replaced. I still dont hate this person, in fact I think she's awesome. I guess if your gonna be replaced it says something about you when its by a person similar to yourself. Part of me wants to say fuck off, dont bother calling, but just like when we were little I will still be there for her when she comes knocking on my door to play again.