(no subject)
Here's the back ground information; I go to the corcoran college of art and design, where I am a rising junior majoring in fine art and concentrating in photographic etching and alternative processes in photography. I'm used to going to the studio, working on my art work for hours, sometimes from noon until dawn, on pieces I can be proud off, and going home to a peaceful, quiet house, where I can eat what I want, when I want, if I want. If I feel like a beer, I go grab one, if I feel like a clove because I'm stressed, I go outside and smoke one (note; I usually smoke maybe once or twice a month, never more than three a day). On a weekend, when my deadlines are in order, I go dancing, maybe to an underground rock concert, perhaps even a movie. My life, my rules, my sanctuary.
And then I come here, where I assume to follow someone else's rules and be of assistance. Not where all freedom, and all privacy, cease to exist, where all quiet and peace is momentary and sporadic, and where all I do is either underappreciated or ignored. Insulted, slighted, and often ignored, and I have to bear up to this with no escape until I move out once and for all.
A list of the duties I fill for a woman who is capable of walking and on a low oxygen liter level (which means she can breathe well)
monitor her breathing treatments, one every 3 hours 24/7
clean the kitchen; dishes, countertops, put them away, the way she wants it, when she wants it, and all I do is wrong or not good enough
vacuum the house and dust; again all I do is not good enough
Anything else she asks or demands
This when I can't get online when I want, can't talk to my friends when I want, can't do anything fun that I am used to except watch a stupid tv (whenever she's not in front of it), smoke (although she just threw out my cloves and I can't drive to the gas station to get more) and listen to my headphones (although only in a non-air conditioned room and she bitches constantly I'm going to lose my hearing). I also am subjected to caring for her noisy, misbehaving, and disrespectful grandkids, listen to her bitch about her problems and the people in her life, listen to her bitch at her husband, watch her fight with her husband, and listen to her husbands drunken rambling and threats. This when, if I retaliate, or even explain how I am feeling, I run the risk of being on the street; if I don't do as I am ordered, I run the same risk, and if I am overheard when I talk about my situation, I run the same risk. If she could ever find my journal I know I'd be thrown out and my only entertainment/escape is to talk to my friends when I can, go online when I can, and contemplate ways of commiting murder without getting caught or being traced. I haven't even the option of church, as there isn't one near here that would accept me as I am; my prayer life is fading and my happiness is completely drained.
I'm sorry to all of my new lj friends and the new communties I am in that all or most of what you've seen of me is nastiness and rage. I really am not usually like this, but then this hasn't been the best of summers by any stretch. My only goal right now is to get out of here in one piece with my sanity intact, and go back to my way of life. I ask that all of you pray for me that I don't do anything or say anything that will ruin my future, because I'm almost to that edge.
And then I come here, where I assume to follow someone else's rules and be of assistance. Not where all freedom, and all privacy, cease to exist, where all quiet and peace is momentary and sporadic, and where all I do is either underappreciated or ignored. Insulted, slighted, and often ignored, and I have to bear up to this with no escape until I move out once and for all.
A list of the duties I fill for a woman who is capable of walking and on a low oxygen liter level (which means she can breathe well)
monitor her breathing treatments, one every 3 hours 24/7
clean the kitchen; dishes, countertops, put them away, the way she wants it, when she wants it, and all I do is wrong or not good enough
vacuum the house and dust; again all I do is not good enough
Anything else she asks or demands
This when I can't get online when I want, can't talk to my friends when I want, can't do anything fun that I am used to except watch a stupid tv (whenever she's not in front of it), smoke (although she just threw out my cloves and I can't drive to the gas station to get more) and listen to my headphones (although only in a non-air conditioned room and she bitches constantly I'm going to lose my hearing). I also am subjected to caring for her noisy, misbehaving, and disrespectful grandkids, listen to her bitch about her problems and the people in her life, listen to her bitch at her husband, watch her fight with her husband, and listen to her husbands drunken rambling and threats. This when, if I retaliate, or even explain how I am feeling, I run the risk of being on the street; if I don't do as I am ordered, I run the same risk, and if I am overheard when I talk about my situation, I run the same risk. If she could ever find my journal I know I'd be thrown out and my only entertainment/escape is to talk to my friends when I can, go online when I can, and contemplate ways of commiting murder without getting caught or being traced. I haven't even the option of church, as there isn't one near here that would accept me as I am; my prayer life is fading and my happiness is completely drained.
I'm sorry to all of my new lj friends and the new communties I am in that all or most of what you've seen of me is nastiness and rage. I really am not usually like this, but then this hasn't been the best of summers by any stretch. My only goal right now is to get out of here in one piece with my sanity intact, and go back to my way of life. I ask that all of you pray for me that I don't do anything or say anything that will ruin my future, because I'm almost to that edge.