Self-acceptance and exercise for fat people
I'm talking from the perspective of an obese person with mental health issues who is also a (trainee) personal trainer. Disclaimers: None of my advice is a substitute for therapy/psychiatric help. Please get the right sort of psych help if you need it. Consult your doctor before starting an exercise programme.
Exercising whilst obese, after having had a break from significant exercise (could be years) can be tough. It was for me. I would have negative messages come into my head whilst contemplating exercise and during exercise. 'I'm too unfit.' 'Everyone here is fitter than me.' 'People will think I'm such an unfit person.' 'I can't wear x clothes because it will make my fat more visible.' 'I want to die/give up/just sit here and read the Internet.'
In my opinion, it is good to accept yourself for who and what you are *right at this moment* before/while you go about changing some of that. Shame has never been a good motivator for me (though I'm sure there are some people out there for whom it is useful.)
I had to learn how to combat the negative thoughts, and also to accept that they would keep coming. That I would go backwards as well as forwards. This is some of what I have done:
I sat in front of a full-length mirror every day for a week. Naked. Eating. I told myself that I was ok. This is my body, and I am ok. (At the time, I was around 280 pounds on a 5'5" frame, and very unfit due to depression/lying down for months.) Negative thoughts would come, and I would hit back at them with neutral or positive ones. I even jiggled my fat a bit. Fat jiggles when I exercise. Look at it jiggle. This is my body, and this is how it moves.
I've danced in my underwear whilst listening to upbeat music and (when necessary) given myself positive affirmations.
I have a list of positive affirmations that are both realistic and also are a contrast to the negative self-talk.
I don't belong in this exercise class. I DO belong in this exercise class!
I'm not good enough. I AM good enough!
What will the fit gym staff think of me? I am a valued customer.
Oh gods I am so fat. I am a fat person exercising.
This is taking too long; I should just give up. I am getting fitter.
Do I have to work out three times a week for the rest of my life? All I have to do is work out RIGHT NOW.
I ought to be fitter than this. I am getting fitter.
I should be fitter than this. I am getting fitter.
I'm going too slowly. I'm going at the speed of an awesome person.
Watch out for the shoulds/ought tos/must/used to. Challenge them.
I find that I have to counter negative self-talk with around ten times more positive self talk. Writing lines helped. Write ten times one of your positive affirmations. Repeat as necessary. I say some of them out loud, and some in my head.
Support from others is definitely good. I'd recommend connecting with other fat people who want to exercise/are exercising.
This is something that helps me in all kinds of situations:
1. How do I feel in 10 words or less. 2. It's ok to feel/this will pass. 3. DO something different. If doingdoingdoing, stop. If procrastinating, do the thing you're avoiding doing.
A big fear is being judged by others. As a personal training student, I can tell you that there are people in the fitness industry who will judge you. But they are arseholes. I do not value the opinions of arseholes. Many/most people at the gym/in the park etc. will not care one way or the other about the state of your body or fitness. (Sometimes fitness industry people are well-meaning, but ignorant about the factors that are involved with obesity. That's an education issue.) Sometimes you will get shouted at in the street by idiots if you run/walk/cycle in public. These people are arseholes. You probably don't notice the hundreds/thousands of people who you pass while exercising who don't shout abusive things at you. This isn't limited to fat people by the way; the occasional person will shout at slim-looking runners/cyclists too. People are idiots.
Instead of having a goal of doing x amount of exercise: I would have a goal of getting to the gym locker; putting on my running gear on at home. If I was wearing my running gear or if I was at my gym locker, I had succeeded in my goal. Doing the next right thing was an option. If I wanted to, I could just not work out.
Bitesize chunks. Just run to the next tree/walk to the next lamppost. Just do two minutes on the exercise bike. Just do one set of a resistance exercise. See that as a victory and congratulate yourself. Keep going if you feel you can, stop when you need to and congratulate yourself again.
I like wearing clothes that make me feel good. I would wear goth t-shirts at the gym. I would wear my skull laces on my running shoes. Badges work when it is hard to get funky tshirts in larger sizes. A colourful wrist band.
The most useful things I had were the positive affirmations, knowing that I was going to feel shame etc. and I would be able to survive it, and focusing on the NOW. Have a FLEXIBLE and realistic training programme (when you're ready for one), and focus on the present.
This stuff is not easy. Sometimes I've gone backwards as well as forwards, and had to work extra hard on the emotional side of getting myself exercising. Focusing on the present helps me.
Right now, right at this moment, I am an acceptable human being. No conditions. I am ok right now, and so are you :-)
What works for you? Please share if you feel able to. (Public post.)
Exercising whilst obese, after having had a break from significant exercise (could be years) can be tough. It was for me. I would have negative messages come into my head whilst contemplating exercise and during exercise. 'I'm too unfit.' 'Everyone here is fitter than me.' 'People will think I'm such an unfit person.' 'I can't wear x clothes because it will make my fat more visible.' 'I want to die/give up/just sit here and read the Internet.'
In my opinion, it is good to accept yourself for who and what you are *right at this moment* before/while you go about changing some of that. Shame has never been a good motivator for me (though I'm sure there are some people out there for whom it is useful.)
I had to learn how to combat the negative thoughts, and also to accept that they would keep coming. That I would go backwards as well as forwards. This is some of what I have done:
I sat in front of a full-length mirror every day for a week. Naked. Eating. I told myself that I was ok. This is my body, and I am ok. (At the time, I was around 280 pounds on a 5'5" frame, and very unfit due to depression/lying down for months.) Negative thoughts would come, and I would hit back at them with neutral or positive ones. I even jiggled my fat a bit. Fat jiggles when I exercise. Look at it jiggle. This is my body, and this is how it moves.
I've danced in my underwear whilst listening to upbeat music and (when necessary) given myself positive affirmations.
I have a list of positive affirmations that are both realistic and also are a contrast to the negative self-talk.
I don't belong in this exercise class. I DO belong in this exercise class!
I'm not good enough. I AM good enough!
What will the fit gym staff think of me? I am a valued customer.
Oh gods I am so fat. I am a fat person exercising.
This is taking too long; I should just give up. I am getting fitter.
Do I have to work out three times a week for the rest of my life? All I have to do is work out RIGHT NOW.
I ought to be fitter than this. I am getting fitter.
I should be fitter than this. I am getting fitter.
I'm going too slowly. I'm going at the speed of an awesome person.
Watch out for the shoulds/ought tos/must/used to. Challenge them.
I find that I have to counter negative self-talk with around ten times more positive self talk. Writing lines helped. Write ten times one of your positive affirmations. Repeat as necessary. I say some of them out loud, and some in my head.
Support from others is definitely good. I'd recommend connecting with other fat people who want to exercise/are exercising.
This is something that helps me in all kinds of situations:
1. How do I feel in 10 words or less. 2. It's ok to feel/this will pass. 3. DO something different. If doingdoingdoing, stop. If procrastinating, do the thing you're avoiding doing.
A big fear is being judged by others. As a personal training student, I can tell you that there are people in the fitness industry who will judge you. But they are arseholes. I do not value the opinions of arseholes. Many/most people at the gym/in the park etc. will not care one way or the other about the state of your body or fitness. (Sometimes fitness industry people are well-meaning, but ignorant about the factors that are involved with obesity. That's an education issue.) Sometimes you will get shouted at in the street by idiots if you run/walk/cycle in public. These people are arseholes. You probably don't notice the hundreds/thousands of people who you pass while exercising who don't shout abusive things at you. This isn't limited to fat people by the way; the occasional person will shout at slim-looking runners/cyclists too. People are idiots.
Instead of having a goal of doing x amount of exercise: I would have a goal of getting to the gym locker; putting on my running gear on at home. If I was wearing my running gear or if I was at my gym locker, I had succeeded in my goal. Doing the next right thing was an option. If I wanted to, I could just not work out.
Bitesize chunks. Just run to the next tree/walk to the next lamppost. Just do two minutes on the exercise bike. Just do one set of a resistance exercise. See that as a victory and congratulate yourself. Keep going if you feel you can, stop when you need to and congratulate yourself again.
I like wearing clothes that make me feel good. I would wear goth t-shirts at the gym. I would wear my skull laces on my running shoes. Badges work when it is hard to get funky tshirts in larger sizes. A colourful wrist band.
The most useful things I had were the positive affirmations, knowing that I was going to feel shame etc. and I would be able to survive it, and focusing on the NOW. Have a FLEXIBLE and realistic training programme (when you're ready for one), and focus on the present.
This stuff is not easy. Sometimes I've gone backwards as well as forwards, and had to work extra hard on the emotional side of getting myself exercising. Focusing on the present helps me.
Right now, right at this moment, I am an acceptable human being. No conditions. I am ok right now, and so are you :-)
What works for you? Please share if you feel able to. (Public post.)