Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose
Re-intro.
The more things change, the more things stay the same.
I'm BiPolar and my drug of choice is food. The management of my condition has been lousy for the last three years. Depression when it hits is severe, and means moving my body is really hard. So I lie down for a year or so at a time with predictable results. I have disabled myself for the third time (constant back pain, problems with balance and walking), hit. 20 stone/280 pounds/127kg for the third time.
Hypomania (below full mania) hit for 7 weeks post-depression which I was thankfully able to cope with via behaviour management (moderating my activity levels so I am not Doing All the Things, moderating caffeine intake, avoiding going out to talk to strangers on Soho @ 5am), and helped me kick-start a sustainable health regime. I've lost. 9.5 pounds in two months, mostly because I am not binging or spending all my time lying down.
I am glad that I am doing healthy things. I'm a qualified PT, so I know how to rehab myself and I am doing it. But... I feel such regret. My lousy management of my mental health (my bad decisions alongside probable medical malpractice), my reversing of my prior good health and fitness. I did a full marathon only 2-3 years ago, and now walking is a struggle. Gah.
('Does this body make me look FAT?' tshirt - a response to 'Does my bum look big in this' amongst other things. Graveyard @ Whitby Abbey for a few goth points. I had just climbed 199 steps.)
Onwards and upwards.