BPD awareness month and me: not self-harm
This month is Borderline Personality Disorder awareness month. apiphile has been linking to some BPD posts and I've been occasionally glancing at them. I thought I'd write one (or more) of my own.
I am not going to debate the usefulness of a BPD diagnosis. It is a controversial diagnosis.
Warning: mentions self-harm, eating disordered behaviour and half-arsed suicide attempts.
I haven't really done much classic self-harm, not as a coping mechanism anyway. I have used cutting in sexual situations, not so much OMG want-to-stop-feeling situations. On the other hand, I have punched walls, head-butted walls, hit myself with my hands/fists or a sharp object, bit myself, and taken too many pills (though not enough to kill me). I have also eaten foods that either I didn't like or in quantities/qualities that cause pain and discomfort; first to stop myself from feeling and then to punish myself. All of the above was done in a very compulsive and sometimes violent way. I have done most of the above when in the company of others; either in front of a partner, or in a public place. The last time I punched a wall in public was about five months ago. The food one is a complicated thing to pick apart; I have not stopped binging, but I have largely stopped binging to the point of feeling ill.
I'm not going to look at this in a thoughtful way; I feel a bit pants now after remembering some of that. Tralala.
I am not going to debate the usefulness of a BPD diagnosis. It is a controversial diagnosis.
Warning: mentions self-harm, eating disordered behaviour and half-arsed suicide attempts.
I haven't really done much classic self-harm, not as a coping mechanism anyway. I have used cutting in sexual situations, not so much OMG want-to-stop-feeling situations. On the other hand, I have punched walls, head-butted walls, hit myself with my hands/fists or a sharp object, bit myself, and taken too many pills (though not enough to kill me). I have also eaten foods that either I didn't like or in quantities/qualities that cause pain and discomfort; first to stop myself from feeling and then to punish myself. All of the above was done in a very compulsive and sometimes violent way. I have done most of the above when in the company of others; either in front of a partner, or in a public place. The last time I punched a wall in public was about five months ago. The food one is a complicated thing to pick apart; I have not stopped binging, but I have largely stopped binging to the point of feeling ill.
I'm not going to look at this in a thoughtful way; I feel a bit pants now after remembering some of that. Tralala.